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I don’t know how old your LO is, but while I used to feel the same way, and sometimes still do, I’ve mostly accepted that it’s important for kids to know that a family has multiple people with needs that have to be prioritized. Often it will be the kid/s, but parents have legitimate needs to, as does the family as a whole/ the Home. Especially for kids without siblings (yet/ at all) it’s important to learn that, so I make a point to prioritize my needs sometimes within reason, too. Plus, it’s important for kids to be bored sometimes, too! It helps their brain development and sense of exploration/ creativity!

I try to remember that it’s really good for our kids to learn how to entertain themselves, and to recognize that other people also have needs and desires that need to be met. To this end, I think it’s great to sometimes say “ok, Mom needs 20 minutes to vacuum and then we’ll play” and stick to it.

I think feeling this way is pretty new. If it was 50 years ago few of us would have felt guilty about not taking our kids to the park. We also have very separate kid and adult worlds in our culture while many others involve kids in the day to day. I think cooking and cleaning while your kids are awake can help them learn about daily activities, plus prepare them for when they will be on their own and doing their own laundry and cooking their own food. If you don’t take a break while they’re napping sometimes you’ll end up burnt out. Plus those of us who work get a lunch break (of course we use it to run errands sometimes but we have the option to take a real break).

Something I’ll add is that I had way more interest and desire in playing with DD1 at all times when she was little than I ever had with DD2. But I’m muchmore ok now with telling them to go do something else when I’m cooking,/cleaning or letting them be involved when I’m cooking/cleaning. Also, not sure how old your child is but once they’re 3.5 it’s a world of difference in how they can help you do things (and they can mostly entertain themselves while you’re cleaning and cooking so you can have time to yourself during nap time). I work FT and in the past 6 months have finally gotten to the point where just because I’m home I don’t feel like I need to be cleaning at all times. Sometimes when both girls are napping I’ll just read or something which feels super indulgent but I’m ok with it.

@lunalove20: how old is your daughter? You may enjoy the memoir Bringing up Bebe.

I feel very little guilt. My child is safe and warm, has clothes, food, and an enriched environment between home and preschool. I also just hang out during naptime- sometimes I will fold laundry while watching a show but that’s about it. I do not believe it is my job to entertain her every minute, she is good at playing alone. I agree with others that this guilt is a social construct- which is why I really enjoyed that book. Remember a happy Mom (whatever that looks like to you) contributes to the way a child sees the world. Take care of yourself. Forgive the messes. And if going off to the library or park is what you want then do it.

Yup! At the same time though, DD is excellent at playing by herself and I think that's largely because I sometimes ignore her to do other things.

I can totally relate! My mom is always telling me to "put on my own oxygen mask" first, because taking care of myself is one of the most important things I can do for my children. So if that's cleaning my floor instead of playing Legos or reading a book at naptime instead of cleaning, I try to do it without apology. And sometimes, the house is insane but I'd really just rather read them a book than pick up another toy! Sometimes it's difficult to know what I most need though. My sister also has this thing about "kids work" and "grown up work" time.
Also, where oh where to we get this expectation that everything really has to get done? My floor will get dirty again tomorrow if I skip a day sweeping anyway!

@erinbaderin: @youboots: @wrkbrk: totally agree. I’ve always been a WAH mom, so when my LOs were very young, I was always there (even if was working). I did have a lot of mommy guilt when they were younger, but I’ve gotten over it. I agree that I t’s important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves and recognize that parents have other things they have to do. Also, I’m happy when my kids are bored from time to time. These days, there’s entertainment everywhere and I think it’s nice for them to have moments to just sit with their thoughts and not have yet another activity foisted upon them (mine are 7 and 4).

@lunalove20: I am 100% like you too. My anxiety and stress build up along with a dirty/messy house. It's all about treading that fine line of balance