I know it's the hormones talking, but I can't help but to feel like I'm doing everything wrong right now. DS1 is 2.5 years old, and we have been doing a lot to prepare him for the arrival of DS2, who was born a week ago. DH has been home with us all week, and we have tried our best to divide and conquer. I'm breastfeeding, and DS1 sees me spending a lot of time with his brother. He hasn't shown any signs of jealousy and generally very affectionate towards the baby (always wanting to hold him).

Then we have today. DS1 went upstairs for quiet time, and DH was preparing a snack for him. All of a sudden we hear crying. I went upstairs to figure out what was wrong. I suspected he hurt himself, but he said no. It was difficult for me to get an answer from him, and we concluded that he was starting to feel neglected. He wanted nothing to do with me, and that's one of the worst feelings. I have been trying to spend more time with him, but it's really hard to give him my undivided attention. This morning he was in tears because I was singing to the baby.

Gah... I just can't stop crying. I'm a failure as a mom right now. I have no idea how I'm going to take care of a toddler and infant all by myself starting tomorrow. I'm a mess. I have stayed optimistic for my entire pregnancy and for the past week. I know I will survive, but it hurts so much to see DS1 going through this transition. I remember having multiple breakdowns when DS1 was a baby, but it's nothing compared to this time around. I'm mourning the loss of my time with him, and I am starting to doubt myself as a good mother.

Sorry for the vent. I just need an outlet right now. *takes a deep breath*