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Two pieces of advice:

1. You can’t spoil a newborn. You aren’t creating bad habits right now, just do what you need to do to survive.

2. Babywear

If you need a mental break, put him down and walk away until you collect yourself. Hang in there!

I second babywearing. Give your arms a break, turn on the TV and just sway. Little will fall asleep and you can zone.

And if baby will nap in the lounger let him nap there and just keep an eye on him

I let my DD nap on the Boppy was long as I was awake. It was the only place she'd tolerate being put down and actually stay asleep. She never took to her RnP and never fell asleep in the swing. Between 3 and 4 months we started trying her in the crib for naps and she eventually took to it and has napped in her crib ever since.

Swaddle and white noise? That helped my kids. My son loved to sit alone. My daughter loved to be held. By me specifically. A carrier helped!

I'll echo the other sentiments of baby wearing (try the solly or k'tan for a nice cosy feeling)

My 5 week old hates to be swaddled. He prefers to sleep on us. With my first she too hated to be swaddled but eventually gave it and it helped. Not this kid. Until I tried the swaddle up which keeps his arms by his face.
But I'll tell you that his sleep has only improved with time really; he was up every 1-2 hours no matter the time of day. It has only evened out in the last few days with a schedule slowly starting.

Keep a sharp eye out for tired cues...as soon as you nurse and burp and see a yawn or that glazed look try the swing and then start pretty loud "shussshhh-ing". That conks my kid out.

But in all seriousness, just let him sleep wherever he falls asleep for however long he wants to sleep. Good luck. It gets better!

My youngest would only tolerate the Love to Dream SwaddleUp. She liked to suck on her fingers. Also, I highly recommend babywearing and just holding the baby. I also co-slept with both girls while they were very young (had them sleep on my chest) and it helped both of us get some sleep.

My LO was like yours and preferred to be in my arms or his daddy’s. Fortunately, for us we were home together for his first 6 weeks and could take turns holding him. I think I asked at every pediatrician visit if it was normal to hold a baby so much and if we were creating a bad habit.

Our hospital did an underarm swaddle and our LO wasn’t a fan of our half-ass attempts to recreate it at home. I tried out babywearing and being hands-free freaked me out. We had a bouncer and a bassinet, but since both of those required LO to be on his back he did not stay in them long. It’s exhausting, but sure makes the baby to be held.

One thing that helped for me in getting through was not only babywearing but using a yoga/large bouncy ball. Rocking seemed to help my son go to sleep if he wasn't nursing, but that got really exhausting really quickly. Same thing with babywearing if you're also trying to move them around--better hands free, but still tiring to just stand there and bounce/sway for 20 minutes to an hour multiple times per day. so i would either hold him or wear him while on the bouncy ball and that was much nicer and less exhausting for me.

Hey mama, everyone else's advice is spot on. I will add:

When I was pregnant, I thought I would love having a cuddly newborn, and that a toddler would drive me nuts. Then I had a baby. It turns out that I find babies demanding, exhausting, and tedious, and I vastly prefer small humans that can speak at least a little bit of English.

I wish I had known when my son was born that eventually he would be AMAZING. Because that initial stretch felt like a real slog, and I did not have any faith that it would ever get better.

All this little baby stuff is just a phase and it will eventually pass but it is really hard to be in the thick of it!

ETA: I forgot to say congrats!!!

I would keep an eye out for reflux. DS1 basically screamed around the clock and the only exceptions were stroller rides and being held while latched or with a paci in his mouth (which we had to hold against his face). He was colicky and had bad reflux and a lot of his inability to sleep was because of that. Once he was medicated, he actually slept best with his arms swaddled but legs free (Halo swaddle sack) on a crib (he didn't like the confining feeling of the RNP) in a pitch black room that was cold with white noise.

Oh this was so my little one. I tried everything. What worked for us was cosleeping and nursing all night (he also rejected bottles at daycare for 4 months). I know that's not what you want to hear, but some babies are more high needs than others. The first month was hard, but what the pediatrician told me was that I could either work with him or fight with him, but we'd both get more sleep if we found a way to make it work. The kid lived in my carrier and I'd have my husband hold him so I could get ny deep sleep. It wasn't ideal, but it went by so fast.

@periwinklebee: it’s nice to know that you’re checking all the boxes and “doing everything right” even if it doesn’t work...

I bedshared with my second and I really didn’t want to, but it was the only way I got any sleep. He lay on my chest and I slept propped up. I needed to sleep because I also have a toddler and also, people just need sleep in general! Haha. I was a walking zombie for two months.

And my friend’s baby had reflux and would be really fussy a lot and they get more upset when they lay down usually because it hurts them. They also may arch their backs in pain after eating to try and relieve the discomfort, burp a lot, hiccup, want to suck a lot (pacifier or nipple) because that eases discomfort. among other things. I have had issues with my second with reflux. It’s starting to get better at 6 months, but it’s still there.

@periwinklebee: first of all, I get why everyone is saying “it’s normal”, “enjoy it”, “he’s too young to spoil” “just babywear”. Because that is all true to some extent and may work for many. But when you are in the thick of it and you are the kind of person that needs sleep and self care and some separation, these aren’t the things you want to hear. I know because I was one of them!
I had no desire to hold my son for every nap. None. Zip. Zilch. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love him, I just don’t have the personality to be attached to a baby all the time. I don’t like constant human contact, even if it’s my cuddly newborn (within reason of course). I adore my husband, he’s amazing and I love him madly - but I can’t cuddle with him for more than 5 mins then I’m like “get off me”. Yes there were some days where that’s just what we had to do to survive. So I hunkered down with Netflix and held him for hours on end. Check out Wonder Weeks, btw. It did help me identify when I just needed to deal with it and it made it way more bearable to know why he was clingier and that it wouldn’t last more than a few days.

My advice is to just keep trying and trying and trying. Keep trying to put him down drowsy but awake. People say it’s impoissble - well, it’s not. It just sucks sometimes and takes persistence and lots of practice and starting EARLY, which you are still in the very early stages and can still set the precedent.
I didn’t let him cio that young, but a little crying while you’re trying to get him used to it won’t hurt anyone (I’m talking a few minutes to see if he can settle). And my pediatrician assured me that if all his needs are met and I needed a few mins to pee, shower quickly or finish my lunch, it’s FINE to let him cry a few mins in a safe space (like a crib). And even healthy for his lungs

You might also want to focus on shortening awake time. I know you posted a few days ago about the conflicting advice. But when I had this same issue my ped assured me it was because he as overtired and wired. SHE WAS RIGHT. I had been keeping him up for 2+ hours at a time when REALLY the max he could handle at that age was mayyyybe 45 mins. Often less. So I would advise that if your mental health is suffering, try to spend a few days not focusing on feeding and being a human pacifier and instead focus on watching the clock and sleepy cues. Start with max 45 mins of awake time. So if he gives you a good stretch (let’s say 1-3 hours of nap), even if you have to get that initial stretch by holding for a nap to sort of “reset” his sleep clock, THEN feed him as soon as he wakes. Play for a few mins and watch for sleepy cues (averting his eyes, staring off/glazed over, yawning, etc) and the second you see one DROP EVERYTHING and follow the nap routine below. If you see no cues or aren’t sure, at 45 mins MAX afer he woke, follow routine: walk into his room, all lights off. Put on sound machine. Change him. Swaddle and rock till he’s drowsy. No eye contact. No talking. And try to put him down. Drowsy but awake doesn’t mean he has to have his eyes open. His eyes can be shut and he’s just not dead weight asleep yet. Once he’s down hold your hand on his chest for a couple mins and very slowly, almost imperceptibly, make your hand lighter and lighter on his chest. It should take 2-3 mins and eventually you’ll be hovering over his chest so you’re a couple milimeters away but he still feels the heat. Slowly, slowly keep moving it away. It might not work the first time. Or the 2nd or 3rd. But keep trying. If he starts crying go in and repeat. If you are consistent he WILL eventually learn that this is where he sleeps. If you give up on the nap or resign to holding him every single time then how will he EVER learn to do it on his own? It may be true that you can’t spoil a newborn, but eventually that newborn does become a spoilable infant so the sooner you start the better off you are.

Also, for the boppy lounger, if you have him on it next to you or on the floor by himself for short periods, it is fine. I highly doubt it’s any less safe than a rnp, which is also not technically a safe sleeping device. My son took nice naps in the lounger when we were still working on getting into the crib. I would have it on the couch next to me and I would keep a hand on him, at least until he was out cold. Then I at least had free arms for the nap and could check my phone or eat or whatever. I even put it right outside the bathroom door a couple of times so I could shower while he napped.

Would also echo that they often seem to hate the swaddle but really do actually need it. You may just need to experiment with swaddles. Love to Dream arms up swaddle is an awesome alternative. Also have read great things about Nested Bean (mimics your arms holding them) but no experience.
Or maybe he hates the swaddle and that’s ok too. But I wouldn’t give up just yet because that’s usually the minority of babies.

Anyway I hope this is helpful and just know that I empathize with you and I’m here if you need to vent or have questions
Also, I’m due with #2 in a few weeks. Clearly if it didn’t get better/easier I wouldn’t be having another. I was firmly in the one and done camp for a while because I personally don’t like the newborn stage. But while you’re in it it feels neverending, but once you’re on the other side you realize it’s a blip on the radar. 4 months will feel like forever while you’re in it, and then one day you’ll look back and say “that hell was only 4 months???”

Very last thing I’ll say - for me, quitting BF and pumping saved my sanity. I did it around 5 weeks. Not saying you should quit. Just saying there’s no shame if you’re not enjoying it and it’s taking away pleasure from the newborn/infant stage. It’s really hard and it’s not for everyone.

Ok I’m done

We went through this but only as a stage from about 5.5-8 weeks, and my kid absolutely would not tolerate anything but being held in my arms with me standing up, preferably walking. The minute I put him in my Solly Wrap or the Ergo, it was fuss city. If I dared to sit down, it was completely over. It's very hard to acquiesce to this newborn demand, and it really didn't resonate with me when people reassured me that I just had to give him what he needed to adjust to the world and I wasn't spoiling him by holding him and walking in my apartment 12 hours a day--my concern at that point wasn't spoiling him, it was not having a legit mental and physical breakdown from sleep deprivation. After it all I concluded I think what most people mean is "do what you have to do to survive".

For me. the only thing that worked was what @SweetiePie: is suggesting, but I had to stay at it like a dog, and slowly it started working. I have these crazy-looking logs of how long he nursed and when he slept where I kept track of the intervals--seeing the little bits of progress kept me going. Naps were pretty bad (usually one sleep cycle, 25-40 minutes or so) until about 10 weeks. But then when we put him in daycare at 14 weeks and when we sleep trained at 4.5 months, he had, and still has, really good self-soothing skills which are worth their weight in gold. I see a lot of pp's powered through their kid hating the swaddle but needing it, wanted to second the opinion to try a bunch (we bought and returned one or two and borrowed a ton from friends) to see if he responds better to something. I would definitely try and rule out any reflux or physical issues he might have first. Hang in there, this part is hard

@periwinklebee: DS1 had silent reflux. So not really a lot of spitting up, just wanted to soothe with constant suckling (and always on my breast that was the very low producer, not the good one). He literally never slept except in 20-40 minute jags, held or not. He would pass out while nursing and then wake up 20 minutes later grunting/whimpering and then crying like he was on fire. The only thing he would tolerate was stroller rides in a fairly upright position (not flat) or being held upright while we were standing and doing deep knee bends. He was on Zantac by 3 weeks, but it stopped working and it wasn’t until he was on Prevacid by 10 weeks (and me having a nervous breakdown and being on a total elimination diet for his milk) that we turned a corner. My kid that went from sleeping 8 broken hours a day began sleeping 17-18 hours a day, 12 hours at night.

FWIW, DS2 was a much more chill baby and he slept pretty well the first 2 weeks - just awake for feedings and wanted to cluster feed between 2-6am. He became more awake at 3 weeks and he had his days and nights flipped, but slept pretty well during the day. We did drowsy but awake and always put him in his own sleep space (except the MOTN clusterfeeding) and I thought we were headed in the right direction BUT he also ended up havinv reflux that kicked in about a month in. We didnt think he had it bc he wasn’t as crazy as DS1, but eventually it was the same thing - he would eat happily and fall asleep, but wake up 20 minutes later crying and unhappy and anytime we put him down he would wake up at cry. So DS2 went on Prilosec at 6 weeks and he was so much happier and slept great afterwards.

Personality does play into this. DS1 always has been easily overstimulated and high strung while DS2 has been a happy go lucky little guy, so they deal with illness in their own way.