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Every kid is different - my oldest is anxious by nature (so am I!). My husband is not. He does not understand it at all!

She's almost 4 and he's really still struggling. He will react to her how he thinks the situation should go, not with what works best for her.

At 19 months I really don't think there's much that can or should be done. Just continue to expose her to new people/situations and encourage her to engage without forcing her. If she's still painfully shy closer to 3 I would consider part time preschool so she learns how to handle herself without a parent right there, but you're a ways from that. Better the introverted child than the mean kid right?

@Cole: here's a little more detail on how I felt at the time even though I am an introvert myself... I wonder if your DH could relate in some ways.

"Parenting a sensitive, introverted child in a world that embraces the opposite definitely comes with its challenges. For the first two years, it was more exhausting going out with her than staying in. Even playdates were tough because instead of being curious at meeting new people and experiencing a new environment, she would cling desperately to me… as if afraid I’d suddenly leave her. If we were just hanging out at home though, she was great about playing independently. It was easy to drown in the cycle of, “Let’s just stay home because it’s easier.” I saw friends who could easily drop their kids off at a gym daycare, or have any random person babysit, and I’d think, “Wow, that must be nice.”

It was also tempting to get caught up in the comparison game and wonder, “Why can’t she be more like that?” or “Why can’t she be carefree like other kids.” I often found myself crying at the end of yet another long day because we tried to expose Noelle to an event we thought might be fun, only for her to stand on the sidelines without any desire or interest in participating. The disappointment was real. Sometimes I wondered what I was doing wrong. I constantly had to check myself when those types of feelings crept into my psyche. Nothing was wrong with her, or me. My daughter is just wired differently. We’re socialized to think that it’s better to be outgoing, charming, and carefree. The children who get the most attention are the ones who can really ham it up, but introverted children have so much to offer too.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care what people thought. I see the looks people give when she retreats into her shell in a very obvious way. Inside, my heart shatters, and I long for them to experience her the way I’ve experienced her. For friends to look beyond her initial quiet and hesitation, and embrace the girl I know. These experiences have made a direct impact on certain friendships – I’ve become increasingly grateful to some, who love and pursue my daughter relentlessly, and held back with others… who don’t really give her a chance."

@Cole: She is so lucky to have a mom who really gets her, and can relate. I think most want the best for our children, and sometimes it's scary to wonder if they'll adjust ok in this society. Will they make friends, will they be liked, will they struggle the way I've struggled...? Lots of unknowns, but all we can do is keep at it with our very best!

@Cole: I'm an introvert and I see a HUGE problem in school and work settings these days that really push extroversion as a measure of being successful. Sure, you should practice and learn skills like working in teams, public speaking, etc. but not EVERYONE is some super social butterfly who loves networking and team meetings and corporate bonding events. And introverts have lots of incredible skills that can and should be taken advantage of. Yes, I need an office, a shut door, and the ability to buckle down and do my work in peace, but if I have those things, I'm also going to be the nicest, most pleasant coworker you know.

Because of that, I am hyper aware of my introvert son's inclinations and I really try not to push him into "extroverted" activities without good reason. Sure, I pushed him into daycare and church nursery on Sundays and he was upset about it and it took some adjustment, but daycare and preschool is just something he needs to deal with, and so is church. However, I'm not going to force him to play with people at the playground if he doesn't feel like it. And most days he wants to wander the park and collect rocks and watch other kids from afar. Fine. Who cares if he wants to play with those kids or not?

He's sociable and polite and his daycare providers say he's very nice to all the other kids and very happy BUT they agree he's introverted, needs to warm up to people, doesn't like to be touched without permission, etc. And they respect that.

I think trying to force your kid to be something they're not is going to be really hard on them in the long run. Sure, as parents we should push them when necessary, but none of the things your husband has described sounds problematic. Like, once she starts school she will HAVE to interact with other children whether she wants to or not, there's no reason to force her to do something at 19 freaking months that she is uncomfortable with. Its more important at this age to get your kid to be confident and secure in who they are and THEN you can work on things that might hold them back later.