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@Amorini: Thats great that you're getting 6 weeks fully paid and the extra 2 weeks vacation time to use. And even better that you have it in writing (the email).
My boss had verbally told me 6 weeks paid (and thank god I confirmed in an email) because once I was on leave he tried denying that and not paying me!Hoping you have an easy baby that will make work easy for you.
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@Amorini: I'm so glad to read your update and learn that you can get some fully-paid leave plus a flexible schedule!
I agree that it isn't the dream situation, and I would imagine that working with a 2 month old for a month will be incredibly challenging, but at least they gave you the option?
I will have 6 months STD at reduced pay and have managed to save enough sick/vacation time to take an additional 6 weeks off (just barely). Luckily my job is fairly flexible with allowing me to come back reduced time, but I'm not sure how that will work either, since we will really need my full paycheck. Since I'm due 10/11, I'm worried that I will have to go back to work the week before Christmas when it's practically impossible to reach any of my contacts anyway! I'm contemplating working 8 hours/week from home for the last few weeks of my sick time to start catching up on email and the projects that I will have to jump back on in January, both in an effort to be better equipped when I do go back and also to bank some more time to spend Christmas with family. I'm worried about how "doable" that will be with a 2 month old. I'll be cheering you on from about 2 weeks behind, most likely! -
Sounds like you negotiated a pretty decent deal for yourself! I just wanted to chime in and say that I think I would have been able to work with my 2 month old in the office with me - he was a pretty laid back baby and would be content to be propped up in boppy or under his play gym when he wasn't sleeping. Fingers crossed your LO is the same way!
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I'm glad it has mostly worked out for you, especially the paid leave! I will be a debbie downer and say that I could not work when my LO was 8 weeks old (I actually was asked by my office to try to do some part-time work remotely at that point, and attempted it, and failed...but my job was not hanging on that). If you absolutely have to make that work, it might make sense to try to find some back-up care just in case, like a nanny or even a mother's helper who could come and keep your baby company for some parts of the day while you get things done. I have a friend who basically got no maternity leave at all and she made it work by cobbling together care in this way until he was 3 months, at which point he started at daycare. You might get lucky though and get an easy baby! Just thought I'd add that in there though so you can try to be prepared if you need to. Good luck!
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i agree with @catlady: i could have done the working from the office with DD1, who was sleepy and laid back, but not with DD2 who took a lot more to get to sleep and was unhappy when awake from months 2-4 (even though she was pretty easy too!). i would definitely look into options for a mother's helper for part time help during December. Maybe a college student home for break?
ETA: the paid leave is incredible!
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@Amorini: I know it isn't ideal but 8 weeks fully paid sounds like a pretty good deal considering the circumstances. I had that with my old company (STD paid 60% and they covered the rest) and I thought that was pretty standard until I met with the HR people at my current company. My leave with this baby will be STD coverage only so I get 100% pay for 1 week and then the rest is at 80% (3 weeks) and then 70% (4 weeks). I was not happy when I found that out!
I totally agree that you probably won't feel ready to go back after 8 weeks. I remember my other girlfriends telling me that before I had my son and it was true. I took 10 weeks because I couldn't take unpaid weeks and I wish I would have taken 2 more. I will say though that there would have been no chance I would have been able to work with my son with me in an office as an infant. Working from home with him would have been pretty difficult but I can't even imagine how I would have brought all of the baby stuff I needed with me. Do you have to go to the office or would you have the option to work from home? If it would have to be at the office I would definitely start looking into some options of a sitter or even drop-in day care. Even if your baby is the chillest ever (here's hoping :)) it would probably still be a logistical nightmare.
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@avivoca: Glad to hear that you are getting 12 weeks and some paid through SDI! What age do you consider an older infant, like 3-4+ months? I'm such a newbie! I guess so much of this is going to depend on what kind of baby he or she turns out to be! And, yes, it's possible for me to flex my hours to a certain degree during the baby month...I do that even now with no one looking over my shoulder!
@josina: Ugh, I can't believe that your boss tried to reneg on the issue! It's kind of a big deal! I'm glad that you (and I) got it in writing. Yes, fingers crossed this baby likes to chill and, even then, I'm prepared for crazy times.
@BUNBUN: Yes, could have been better but could be so much worse. I even think I could work from home some if I wanted during December, but I stand a chance of being more productive in the office (faster server, bigger computers). We'll see! As you say, at least there are options and some flexibility. Do you get 6 months SDI? I've only ever heard of 6 weeks SDI. DH and I just had the convo that Christmas with family is probably out of the question now as we both will be totally tapped out of vacation (and good graces) by that time. For me, I expect business development and client contacts to be slow in December which for me would be okay.. I'm hoping that its project work (head down and no meetings).... We will definitely have to compare notes in December!
@raspberries: Thanks for the encouragement (basically that a happy office baby MIGHT work out) and please cross your fingers for me!
@catlady: And thank you for the dose of reality that I might not have a happy office baby. Flexing hours around a sleeping baby might help some and I had the same thought as you of having a backup plan sitter/helper! Even if I do have a happy office baby, I think I'd be smart to have a backup solution!!
@birdofafeather: Yes, thank you for the perspective! It's really all a big question mark until we see what this baby needs (not to mention what this mamma needs). And I will definitely be trying to find some part-time help in December.
I so appreciate your encouragement!! What I didn't say earlier was that I cried for most of the day yesterday after having this conversation. By the time today's email arrived, I bounced back obviously but, as generous and well-meaning as my boss/the president is, I really felt that sadness of how devalued motherhood/fatherhood and parent/child bonding is in the US. I mean, really. I felt like I had to advocate (ETA: justify, I mean) for more time. At one point, he said "I can justify the leave if you are recovering from childbirth but not if you just want to hang out at home with your baby." Those words hurt because what new mom is having a vacation at that point on leave? Who ever came up with 6-8 weeks isn't addressing a "whole" person or society in that equation. It just hits me in a soft spot to think that he (and by extension a few other directors -- all male with kids well past college age) think "babies just sleep at that age." Even if mine does, he doesn't realize that he is basically asking me move mountains (speaking of me personally) to have new mom and baby routines in place to be able to think about my job again in only 8 weeks PP. So... in the end, I know I am fortunate but advocating for a family friendlier work environment is probably my new normal. As a start, I feel good to have gently pushed back some and created some flexibility in case this LO does not "just sleep" ...
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@dookie32: Thanks for your thoughts on this! I know -- just on Friday another working mom friend said in a very concerned tone, "Please do not go back before 12 weeks."
It looks like that is not in the cards. Yes, working at home could work if necessary. I also have space/privacy to setup a temporary nursery in a spare office... I'll have my sister brainstorm with me it since she knows my office and has had little babies. I know somehow -- between flexing hours, backup care, working part-time and digging deep -- this will have to work. All of that assumes we're in a reasonable good health which one can't take for granted... And I know it will kinda suck and it also might make me bitter, anxious and depressed...PPD/A is my biggest fear with all of this. DH will also move mountains for us so my agnostic self-talk right now is to "Have faith!"
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@Amorini: It's all hard to navigate but try to not stress about it before you need to :). You really do need to just focus on recovering and soaking up those 1st few weeks with your teeny one.
Your boss' comment about time to "hang out with your baby" is so infuriating! Unfortunately I've found that even if they do have kids, most male bosses/managers are never really going to get it. The exact reason we need to have government mandated maternity leave in this country!
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@Amorini: I have short-term disability that gives me 6 weeks at 60% pay for a vaginal birth (8 weeks for cesarean) . I think SDI is state disability insurance for California? I live in Texas, fyi. My employer just happens to offer fairly decent STD insurance. We are a smaller non-profit, so I appreciate that they offer it at all!
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@Amorini: I've been following your story and was so glad to see your update. I wanted to let you know that I ended up taking my baby back with me for the first week while I waited for a daycare spot to open. It was a little complicated and I had a very chill baby but it all worked out. He was 12 weeks at the time so a little bigger than yours will be. I would recommend baby wearing so that you have two hands free to type or talk on the phone while you move around a baby that little will probably be fairly oblivious so you can talk on the phone or do things with people and we are the baby and nurse the baby without too much trouble. Since it's only for the month I think you'll be able to make it work. And then when your parents to start watching the baby you'll appreciate being able to just focus on work when you were at work and hopefully just focus on the baby when you were at home. Good luck!
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@Amorini: For me, I considered older infant (while on leave) after 2 months or so. She was more awake, less content to be put down, and it was just hard to concentrate on anything. Once she was much older (around 6 months), it became nearly impossible for me to work with her there because she wanted someone to play with, so I could only work when she was napping (and she was a crap napper, she only napped for 30 minutes at a time multiple times a day).
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@Amorini: Thanks for your update! I find it all very interesting and I think it could be really helpful to other moms in similar situations!
I think 8 weeks is not ideal but it sounds like you have a good plan in place. I would have a stipulation that your leave may be extended (paid/unpaid) if you or LO have any complications.
It's awesome that you can flex your schedule and bring baby with you! My baby was pretty colicky and it would have been hard but at 8 weeks she was taking three 2 hour naps in the swing most days and if I had a swing in the office I probably could have gotten at least a few hours of work in that way!
I'm curious about your coworker's comment... was it out of consideration for you? Or does she think you aren't setting a good precedent for others to follow you?
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I would totally have brought my daughter to work with me at that age! She was so chill. I actually kept her home with me one day a week when I would wfh from months 4-6 and it worked out really well.
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@dookie32: Thanks for the commiseration and also the reminder that I don't have to stress about it right now! FMLA is gov't mandated mat leave but it falls short, doesn't always apply (which is just dumb!) and doesn't pay a dime. And dads need something, too, so they can stay home longer!
@BUNBUN: Oh yeah, STD vs SDI. I was last working in CA (where I would've had FMLA and SDI), so I mixed those up but I think it works about the same -- it would've been 60% pay for 6 weeks (vag) or 8 weeks (cs). If my company gets taken over by the larger firm, we'll get STD but the crazy thing is that I still don't think I would qualify for FMLA (like in the future) because my satellite office is far enough away from other offices. Crazy!
@avivoca: I guess I'll just have to see what happens and hope for the BBWP (Best Baby in the World Plan)! I read this blog this morning and picked that up. It's a crapshoot! https://www.berkeleyparentsnetwork.org/advice/working/babyatwork
@daniellemybelle: Yeah, I have brought up that this leave scenario is contingent upon LO and me being healthy. I don't think he will add anything to that effect beyond what is already drawn up (I can tell he already felt like he did enough) and my gut says he will keep me on as long as possible, if there are complications, though probably unpaid beyond the 8 weeks. The coworker comment was actually not a coworker but just another working mom who I consult for sometimes and vice versa. So her point was just out of concern for me...and possibly trying to make sure I knew that 6 or 8 weeks were too few (yep, got it!).
@alphagam84: Oh, that's so nice to hear you were on the BBWP, too!!
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@Amorini: What's BBWP? I can't keep up with the acronyms!
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@alphagam84: Haha. It's a new one to HB maybe = Best Baby in the World Plan ... where they do everything you want them to.
It looks like that is not in the cards. Yes, working at home could work if necessary. I also have space/privacy to setup a temporary nursery in a spare office... I'll have my sister brainstorm with me it since she knows my office and has had little babies. I know somehow -- between flexing hours, backup care, working part-time and digging deep -- this will have to work. All of that assumes we're in a reasonable good health which one can't take for granted... And I know it will kinda suck and it also might make me bitter, anxious and depressed...PPD/A is my biggest fear with all of this. DH will also move mountains for us so my agnostic self-talk right now is to "Have faith!"
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