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@ShootingStar: I know, right? We're in such a rough patch in our relationship. I'm the definition of hating my husband after baby and it sucks. I definitely think we are not going to last, which blows, but I'm very unhappy. I thought staying home part time would alleviate some of that resentment. Looks like it won't happen, so I'll resent my job and my husband. We're going to have such a miserable year ahead of us. We've had to endure so many challenges together, and instead of getting stronger we just get weaker.
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@ShootingStar: Agree! I really wanted to work part-time once we had kids, but my husband felt really strongly against it. He's already sacrificed so much for our family and our happiness, my working full-time to help him out was a no-brainer, even though it wasn't my ideal. I have zero regrets. We're a team!
@jomarma: Keep in mind that you're already very fortunate in that you already took 12 weeks off and now have the whole summer ahead of you to stay home with your child. Even if you returned to work full-time, you already got ~6 months at home, which is a lot more than most people (in the US, at least)!
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@Adira: I know, I'm very fortunate. I just can't stop feeling like I'm going to miss so much. It probably doesn't help that all my friends who have kids get to stay home. I just never really liked my job, resent living in this area, and want to be around more for my baby's first year. It's looking like an impossibility though.
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@jomarma: Have you considered the possibility that you may be suffering from post partum depression? It seems like you have your mind set on being miserable and resentful of your husband for ending up exactly where it seems like you were always set to end up (needing to work after baby because you live in a high cost of living area). I think being this angry at an expected situation may warrant talking to your OB or a psychologist about how you are feeling. What you describe doesn't sound healthy for you or fair to your husband and child.
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@jomarma: First of all, hugs.
It sounds like you have a lot going on and I can't imagine the stress. I think your first step should be individual counseling to help you sort some of these things with your husband and, perhaps, the possibility of ppd/ppa. Then, I would seek couple's therapy. Having a baby is REALLY, really hard on a marriage. My husband and I were often at our wits end with each other and we are usually pretty passive people. The game changer for us was when I went back to work. If your marriage is worth fighting for, you need to find out what the "game changer" is. If your marriage is really, truly over, I *would not* take the part time job. You need to prepare yourself for single parenting and that likely means working full time. I understand that you can return to full time next year, but I have seen people screwed out of their ft jobs in my district and I would hate for that to happen to you. Plus, all the time you would spend lesson planning and collaborating would be unpaid as opposed to teaching a subject/grade you have taught before and likely have to do less planning.
Just for reference, I am a ft teacher and I pick up my son at 3pm every day and he started daycare at 6 months. I still feel like I get TONS of time with him (he's nearly 2 now.)
Whatever happens and whatever you decide, I hope you know you have all of our support and are here if you need to talk things out.
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It sounds like there is a LOT more going on than deciding whether it makes sense to take a short-term financial hit. If you really think there is a reasonable chance you may separate or divorce in the next few years, there is no way I would ever cut to part-time work.
If the chief resentment against your husband is that you don’t want to work for the first year of your child’s life; I would suggest seeing someone about those issues and figuring out the root issues - - the why. The resentment is likely only to get worse with time if you don’t treat it now, because you’ll find “excuses” to back-up your resentment. (for example, you’ve said you feel like you are definitely going to miss your son’s firsts - - when that inevitably happens, will you be even more resentful towards your husband?).
I will say, as a FT WOHM that I never felt like I missed my LO’s firsts (but, it also wasn’t something I placed much value on, because the first time *I* see it is just as magical whether it’s technically the first or second time she’s done something). That said, one of my daughter’s biggest firsts happened while we were on vacation to my MIL’s house and I left the room for 5 minutes to grab something from the kitchen. You just can’t win sometimes, no matter what your work situation. No matter what you do, you WILL miss something - - and (baring depression) you are in control of how much you let this consume you. You can frame things differently.
From reading your subsequent posts, I don’t think that moving to PT will give you what you’re really looking for. It sounds like a bandaid to deeper/bigger issues. Good luck
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@jomarma: The first year of being a parent HARD. Set your expectations for your husband's role in childcare and look into PPD as pp suggested. When my first was little I wanted to work but because of PPD and not wanting to do ALL the childcare myself I didn't and I tried to do everything at home and I came to greatly resent DH and his job. He was that dad that almost never watched our kid by himself. It turned out that even when I did work we had many of the same types of issues and I blame that partially on not making my expectations known (partly on him and partly on my needing to control things at the very beginning!) That time I became more verbal (plus we had already gone through it before) and things were much much better. He needs to know how you feel for better or worse, imo. Whatever you decide with work or your marriage know you are not alone!
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@2littlepumpkins: @yoursilverlining: @Coral: @Truth Bombs: thank you all. I know this has taken a turn from job share to my relationship and ppd/papa (which I might have... I definitely have anxiety) I think this sudden opportunity threw me for a major loop and what was once an exciting prospect now is just another stressful thing. I have a lot to think about, and not just about the job share.
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Agree with everyone above - if you are having marital issues already, adding financial strain is a no go. It sounds like there are way bigger issues at stake and as I said before, you have to think about what's best for your child - which is two parents getting along. I'm really sorry you are going through this - hopefully you guys can get some help and discuss ways to prioritize your nuclear family and your child and your marriage over living near his family in a high COL area or whether or not you get to stay at home part time.
It sounds like you have a lot going on and I can't imagine the stress. I think your first step should be individual counseling to help you sort some of these things with your husband and, perhaps, the possibility of ppd/ppa. Then, I would seek couple's therapy. Having a baby is REALLY, really hard on a marriage. My husband and I were often at our wits end with each other and we are usually pretty passive people. The game changer for us was when I went back to work. If your marriage is worth fighting for, you need to find out what the "game changer" is. 
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