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@MrsBucky: I think this is good advice. I also wouldn’t go back, if diapers are gone they’re gone. 2 days isn’t long enough for anything to click. I would just take the pressure off and expect accidents and go with it

@MrsADS: Chiming in to say I feel your pain. We tried the 3 day method this weekend and it ended in DS crying at the sight or mention of the potty. So we are going to table it for now. You can’t force them. Let us know what ends up working for you!

@MrsADS: Here's what I'd do, take off the shorts, go outside, bring a little potty out, and make no mention of it. Play, eat, drink a cocktail, whatever. Just don't mention potty once. See where he goes. If he starts peeing, pick him up, put him on the potty, and say "we pee on the potty". If he goes on the potty make a big deal.

I would not stress about daycare. Just continue at home and then when he's more ready switch at school. We did a 5 day boot camp followed by a week of diapers at school. We explained that if he had to go to tell his teacher. It took about 3 weeks until they were on board with undies inside. We literally would put on the diaper right as we left and took it off as soon as we were home.

Re wet pants. It's gross, but pee is sterile. I wouldn't fight about it, but I also wouldn't put my kid back in pants. I'm a huge fan of lots of naked time.

I would just ignore it, but have him totally bare bum and get him to help clean up messes when they happen if you like. I think i’d Skip the treat if it doesn’t work anyway and just let him go about his day and play and if he goes in the potty great and if he doesn’t then oh well. Pee is easy to clean up and just don’t let it bug you if there’s an accident.

We repeated the phrase “where does your poo and pee go?” A lot at the beginning and if there was an accident we just said “oh, your poo and pee needs to go in the toilet/potty”.

I have a pretty stubborn toddler (but that’s pretty normal I guess!) so I try not to get into arguments about the toilet.

Whenever you’re at home i’d Just strip him down and make that the norm for now and put a diaper on for the car. Hopefully if there’s less pressure or nudging from parents (that he’ll want to fight because that’s what these little people do often) then he’ll lose interest in the fight and it will gradually become clear to him that going to the toilet is just a little thing we do in our day. Also, you can loudly announce when you’re going to the toilet in a fun sounding voice and so it with the door open and say you feel much better after and are happy you didn’t pee/poo in your pants. Just as an extra thing to try. It doesn’t require any action or response from him, but I feel like they do listen and take stock of all situations and things we say on a daily basis.

Also came back to say that you can give him some choice/ ownership of potty training by saying “do you want to pee in the big toilet or the potty before we go out or do whatever activity/ watch a show etc”. There is no option not to pee, just the option of location.

@MrsADS: I think I'd wait a couple of weeks (maybe try again August 1? That would still give you a few weeks to get it by his birthday). DD used to get hysterical and scream and cry if we tried to get her to use the potty. We took her diapers away yesterday and this time she's been great! We are nowhere near potty trained (0/3 successes yesterday and one success and a lot of pee holding today) BUT this time she is happy to sit on the potty and hasn't gotten emotionally upset at all. And it's only been a few weeks since last time we tried.

@MrsADS: I agree with @Dahlia: that I’d wait a couple more weeks. We started potty training with DS exactly 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday, which was a few days before preschool started and he was expected to be fully trained. He did really well with it - we never used pull ups and he had no accidents at school. In our case we waited bc we had a newborn and wanted to get through the first 6 weeks. Also, for what it’s worth, the second day of training was the worst and mentally very draining for us. So don’t lose hope based on one bad day!

(We did straight bribery. Stickers to fill in a dinosaur scene I drew on big paper for every pee. Pick a matchbox car from a treasure chest for (1) every poop and (2) staying dry all day with no accidents.)

@MrsADS: from the other side of things (this was our exact situation), BACK OFF. Go back to pull ups and don’t mention the potty for 2 weeks. It’ll be so tempting to offer it but do not say a word. In 2 weeks, leave the underwear out and say “my mistake, I forgot you don’t use these anymore.” See his reaction and go from there. He has identified he has power, that this matters to you, and you are about to go down a rough road. I attempted to fight through it at first and things spun out pretty dramatically.

@jape14: You fail to mention that you were just equally traumatized by T’s training and were just waiting until J potty trained himself.

On the plus side, hopefully he shows such resilience when presented with peer pressure in future years?

@wrkbrk: first - we didn’t do the oh crap method for what that is worth. We had been doing a nightly pee on the potty regularly for many months and he started wanting to do it in the mornings too (he would ask). He also started staying dry after lots of naps and other times. We did have the school deadline but I’m glad we waited until closer to 3 versus earlier in that summer.

He’s a pretty easygoing kid but I do think the oh crap approach wouldn’t have worked for him. We tried to make it low key and fun (read: filled with bribes). We also had a newborn in the house so there was no way we could have gone with such an intense method.

@jape14: Got it thanks! I kind of assumed everyone did oh crap or a version of it. My wife says it very much wasn’t for our son. This gives me hope there are other ways! Instead of just tying the same thing again in two months or whatever.

I agree about waiting. However, the only thing I have to add which worked wonders for our stubborn girl who has gone through several short phases of refusal is a potty watch. There are a few different versions. One actually looks like a potty! They're cheap on Amazon, really simple, and toddlers think they're SO COOL. You set it to 30, 60 or 90 min intervals and it lights up and plays a little song. Super simple. For some reason, having the potty watch be the one reminding her it was time was SUPER DUPER FUN and me reminding her was basically the end of the world. Whatever.

@MrsADS: I feel your pain. Potty training a strong-willed child is pure torture!

You can read all about my torture here: http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/veterans-day-potty-training

But I think the key is really trying to be a low-key about it as possible. Let HIM decide when he has to go potty. Let HIM figure it out. Make HIM help clean up messes. While potty training, I put a garbage bag on the couch with a towel over it and told him he could sit on the couch, but it had to be on the towel. He wasn't a fan, but I wasn't making him do it "You can choose to sit on the couch on the towel or sit on the floor." But whenever I tried to force him to use the potty is when we had set backs. And just celebrating when he actually DID use it. Make it as positive an experience as possible and try to act like you just don't care otherwise.

Daycare SHOULD be experienced with potty training children. Mine had no issues with me sending my son in underwear during training. I sent a ton of spare clothes, including spare shoes, and just apologized a bunch, but they were totally cool with it. Hopefully your daycare will be the same.

If you're serious about training, I wouldn't turn back now. These first few weeks will absolutely be the worst, but I imagine going back to diapers will just make trying again later HARDER because he'll know that if he's stubborn enough, you'll give in!

@Mrs. Turtle: Genius - looking it up now.

@wrkbrk: @Dahlia: @MrsADS: When using the potty watch I'd play it up too, "Oh my gosh, what's that song? Is that YOUR watch? What is it telling you to do??" With O, she'd respond "PEE ON THE POTTY!!!" And then I knew I'd won.

@wrkbrk: I don't feel like we get a ton of out smarting victories with her, so when I do I like to celebrate.

@MrsADS: Sorry you're still having trouble at home! It does seem like a good sign to me that he can do it at school, though.

sorry, haven't read all the responses, so not sure if someone already mentioned it. but my LO was like this too, hated when i would ask her to go potty and threw a tantrum. what helped was buying a potty watch, they're like $10. you can set a timer for every 30, 60, 90 mins and it'll play a song when time is up. my LO thought it was fun and i didn't have to tell LO to go to the potty. after a month, she was going on her own without the watch. only time i have to ask her to go is before we go out and sleeping.