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Pregnant after a loss

  1. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: Doing ok here! Wishing I could feel some kicks but I have an anterior placenta. Hoping the next 7 weeks fly by so we can find out that the CPCs are gone. How are you? Congratulations on the boy! I am excited to be a mama to a boy, too!

  2. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @simplyfelicity: I am so looking forward to a little boy! You're 21 weeks now, is that right? Hopefully you'll be able to feel him very soon! Will you have another level 2 ultrasound at 28weeks? FX that everything clears up by then!

    When did you start REALLY planning for your little guy? (DH and I are moving slowly, but have started to clean out the nursery and buy/plan for a few things!)

  3. GoGoSnoGirl

    pear / 1558 posts

    Hi Ladies!! Doing well here a few days short of 27wks! Baby girl certainly seems to be growing, I feel like I get bigger everyday. We've made a little progress on putting the nursery together, but I feel like we need to really start getting busy!

    One weird thing I can't stop thinking about here recently (probably because things are going well & we are in between appointments/milestones & so I can daydream) is that I now feel certain that I lost a twin at the beginning of this pregnancy, and I'm feeling kind of bummed about that now that I'm connecting with baby girl more with her movement. I had really quite high beta #s on 5 draws early on with a day of heavy bleeding in between. I feel guilty "missing" that other (possible) baby when I've yet to meet this one yet even. My DH & my fertility massage therapist also had very strong feelings about us having twins, so that has sat in the back of my mind all this time, too. Anyway, I'm sure I'll let this go soon when I stop thinking about it so much or at least meet this little miracle. There's really no sense in me spending much energy on these thoughts, I just needed to acknowledge them, I guess.

  4. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    Saw this thread pop up and wanted to join!

    Your story: Two miscarriages, had LO, then two more miscarriages, so a total of 4 losses. Had surgery to remove a poopload of scar tissue in my uterus and got pregnant for the 6th time.

    Due Date: Either 9/24 or 9/25. Will get the final call once I'm transferred from my RE to my OB. I'm 9 weeks today.

    LO #: 2

    How are you coping with pregnancy after a loss: Not well. I'm a wreck each week worrying that this will be the week that we go for our ultrasound and the baby has either stopped growing or there's no heartbeat.

    Is your doctor recommending different care after a loss: Since I'm with a RE, I'm getting one ultrasound each week until I hit 10 weeks. I've got one more, then get turned over to a new OB (I dropped my old OB after how I was treated throughout this process).

    Something interesting about you: I work for the benefits department within my company, so I see the insurance side of this day in and day out. It's not fun being on the patient side, but it certainly makes me more sympathetic for the women going through this every day.

  5. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: So with you on wishing the good feeling/relief lasted longer! Though being out of the first tri helps a little. Anatomy scan is in less than three weeks, eek! I'm both terrified and so ready for it to be over. And looking forward to seeing this little girl as more than a blob!

    Ya'll can understand needing more ultrasounds than average, so what are your thoughts on how many I could reasonably request? I can NOT go from 18 weeks to delivery without checking again to be sure this LO hasn't developed a hydrocephalus. But how often should I ask to check? Every 6-8 weeks maybe? What would you do?

    @GoGoSnoGirl: I think it's totally understandable to be sad about losing a twin. And better to do your mourning now, before LO is here, right? And I do bet that holding her will make a world of difference in that feeling. Or at least surely being exhausted with a newborn will make you more grateful you're not dealing with two. Hugs!

    @2PeasinaPod: I somehow missed that you were pregnant (or maybe I forgot?), congratulations! I'm sorry it's so hard not to stress. It sucks not being able to enjoy it as much as other people. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

  6. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @GoGoSnoGirl: That sounds very probable...and it's only natural to grieve. So happy to hear that you're doing well! Can't wait for you to meet your little girl!

    @2PeasinaPod: It's good to see you! I'm really hoping that anxiety about "what if" lifts at some point. In the meantime, you're doing great...just a few more weeks! I hope your new OB is a good fit. Sending lots of hugs and !!!

  7. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @Torchwood: Are you able to ask for one every 6 weeks and see what they say? If they want to do every 8, then at least you asked. And thank you! I'm cautiously optimistic since posting about my pregnancies on HB seem to be the exact moment I miscarry.

    @FliegepilzHut: Thanks lady

  8. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: OOPS! I totally missed your reply!
    Yup, 21 weeks. What about you?
    I think I just felt a thud and was like "whoa, what was that?!" Yes, we are having another sonogram at 28 weeks. Everyone we've talked to has said that the CPCs are no big deal without other markers. HB has been great with positive stories. One bee said her MD husband mentioned his fears to a colleague about CPCs and the other doctor just laughed. That makes me feel better. We have a NICU nurse on our board who said the same thing.
    To be honest, we haven't done much. DH is clearing out the office (which will be the nursery.) I am slowly getting stuff for our vintage baseball themed nursery. So excited about that! How about you?
    Once again, I am so beyond thrilled for you.

  9. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @simplyfelicity: Thanks! No worries! 15 weeks and a few days here... I'm at that awkward stage when I don't *really* look pregnant yet (a little paunchy is all) AND I can't feel little guy move yet... I can't wait for my next check-up in about 10 days, just to check in!

    It's nice that the consensus is that the CPCs are nothing to worry about! Your nursery sounds fantastic--will you be posting pics eventually?

    DH went to pick up our glider today...and we're still working on clearing stuff out of the prospective nursery! Hoping to have a seaside/beach theme!

  10. Jess1483

    nectarine / 2641 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: Hooray! So glad you are here!

    @GoGoSnoGirl: I totally understand the sadness from potentially having lost a twin. I think it's okay to grieve that. I'm continuing to grieve my little lost one, even as I grow more and more excited for this baby, who wouldn't be if the other one had lived. It's a weird place to be.

    @Torchwood: I hope whatever you and your doctor decide on brings you peace!

    @simplyfelicity: That sounds so cute! Part of me is sad about not preparing a nursery for this one (we're just sticking the crib back in DS's room…our house is small!) But a much larger part is glad, because I don't have the time/don't want to spend the money again!

    @FliegepilzHut: Feeling LO is a huge milestone. I felt this little one really early, but even now will go a number of hours without feeling him and it freaks me out! But now he's big enough I can push on him and make him react most of the time Or eat chocolate!

    I'm 23 weeks and feeling good! My SIL, who was due the day after my loss due date at the end of March had her little one 6 weeks early! Incredibly, she's out of the hospital less than a week later. I actually think March will be a lot easier on me with her already here, although of course, I wish she'd stayed in there a bit longer--but she's doing incredibly! Unfortunately, I'm way far away from having her baby quilt done…hopefully in the next two weeks or so.

  11. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: I totally know what you mean about the awkward stage! I think I am finally out of it and into the small bump phase.
    I love the idea of a seaside theme, so soothing! I will be sharing pics for sure. This is my inspiration pic.



  12. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @Jess1483: So glad to hear everything is going well!
    I know what you mean, March isn't even here but I am ready for it to be over. Maybe once March 5th passes, I will feel better. I am so happy about this little guy and can't wait to meet him but I am still sad about my losses (of course.) I know he will be worth everything.

  13. LulaBee

    pear / 1837 posts

    I just want to say how happy I am for all of the March 2015 mamas who are pregnant now!! I was a March mama too and lost my son in early labor at 23 weeks... I think it must take so much courage to get pregnant again... I'm terrified of that and not sure it's what I want. So I just wanted to wish you all (and all other moms on here) the best of luck and the healthiest of babies!!

  14. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @LulaBee: You are so sweet and my heart aches for what you have been through. You are obviously a selfless and amazing person and I pray that, whatever your heart decides, you have so much peace and joy in your future.

  15. GoGoSnoGirl

    pear / 1558 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: I'm sorry for all of your losses, but I'm glad that you are getting plenty of monitoring this pregnancy. I hope all goes well & with time you can feel more relaxed about this pregnancy. I hope your new OB is a much better fit for you.

    @Torchwood: @FliegepilzHut: @Jess1483: thanks, ladies. I actually ended up talking about it with DH last night while we were sitting in our soon-to-be nursery. I was relieved that he didn't think I was being silly, either, for thinking about that potentially lost baby, as well as our first loss. But we do both feel like where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be & that this little girl is who was meant to be our daughter. It is true, that as soon as she is here, it will be easier to not look back, but I feel there's value in honoring those babies we don't get to know & raise.

    Wishing you all continued good health & perfect babies.

    Thank you @LulaBee: for your sweet thoughts, despite the challenging place you must be in at the moment. I can't imagine how devastating it would be to lose a baby that far along. to you!

  16. Jess1483

    nectarine / 2641 posts

    @LulaBee: You are so sweet. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I am praying for wonderful things for you in the future, whatever that looks like for you!

  17. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    SO frustrated. My anatomy scan was scheduled with MFM for the 11th, but I'm supposed to meet with both midwives and MFM afterwards, and the midwives aren't there on that day. So now it's scheduled for the 9th and we don't meet to go over results until the 10th. I'm glad it's sooner, but now we have to wait a whole day to go over results? What if the tech looks clearly concerned, or we see something weird?! I'm going to be freaking out. I was going to look away when they scan her brain, just for fear I'd see something that looked like a hydro that wasn't, but now maybe I should look since I'll be reassured if it looks normal. I've seen enough freaking brain images to know what a bad one looks like. And on top of that DH really can't take the time off work twice, but he's going to have to. I can't go to either of those appointments alone; I'm too scared. I'm so mad they didn't schedule it right to begin with, so that we could do it all on one day!

    @LulaBee: I can totally understand not wanting to be pregnant again. A later loss is SO much harder, and makes it all so much scarier. In my case I wanted to try again quickly, because I needed to move forward. When we were waiting to get cleared to try, I just felt like I was wallowing in the past, and couldn't look forward to anything about the future now that what I had been looking forward to was gone. And I really wanted to have a happy pregnancy experience. It was something I had been looking forward to my whole life, and I hated that the joy had been sucked out of it by so much loss. Also, since our loss was a total fluke, not genetic or anything, it SHOULDN'T happen again. I guess we'll see in a couple weeks at the anatomy scan if that's true. Would you be at higher risk of a repeat early labor? I don't think I could do this again if there was a chance it could all go bad again. Lots of hugs! I'm so sorry you've been through such hell, but I appreciate you taking the time to come cheer us on. I hope you can find the best path to happiness for you soon.

  18. Ms.Badger

    clementine / 918 posts

    @Torchwood: Won't the MFM have a doctor that will be able to go over results with you? I have been having follow-up ultrasounds with MFM since they discovered pyelectasis at my anatomy scan and they always have a doctor scan me after the tech and then talk through the results. Then my OB just looks at the report and confirms what the MFM told me.

  19. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @Ms.Badger: I don't know why, but they want both MFM and a midwife there. I don't know of any way that it's necessary for my benefit. I've seen a different midwife every time I've gone in, so it's not like I've got one that's "my" midwife that I feel some need to have there. They suck at communicating between offices (at my last visit they asked if I had thought about genetic screenings, even though I had one done through the genetics counselor's office weeks ago), so I can see it being good for them. I don't know. I'm going to email and say I'm not comfortable waiting to know how it looks, so they need to have someone meet with me that day, MFM or midwife. This is ridiculous.

  20. LulaBee

    pear / 1837 posts

    @Torchwood: I can understand wanting to get pregnant right away, especially after what you went through. My heart has hurt so much for you over your loss. I went past my due date with my daughter, so there was no reason for me to go into early labor with my son except I had a VERY large subchorionic hematoma. My midwife says there is no reason for me to go into early labor again. I'm just so terrified. I also had a miscarriage in March last year, and I just feel like my body is working against me or something.

    Sending you all of the good vibes on the 9th and 10th!!! You are so strong.

  21. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @Torchwood: Ugh that stinks! I don't see the benefit of having your midwives go over the results? Why can't MFM just do it?

    @LulaBee: I can not imagine what you went through with such a late loss. I have a subchorionic hematoma with this pregnancy, and being that I had a m/c 6 months prior to this pregnancy, I haven't been able to relax or enjoy it at all. It's really hard.

  22. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @ValentineMommy: They replied to my email, and apparently the tech will do what they called a "bedside reading" while we're there for the actual scan. If everything is fine, it seems like the second appointment will be a waste of time, but if not we'll get more details then. So I'm relieved that we don't have to wait, but still annoyed at how it was handled. Though ultimately this is basically the same as last time, in that we went in for the scan and were told she had a hydro, but no details. Had to wait until we could get a scan with MFM (higher resolution machine) to find out the extent of it and what it might mean. This just means we get to skip the lower scan and go straight to a better one, so if something is wrong we can know for sure right away. The limbo when we didn't know exactly what was going on was bad, so at least we're skipping that (mostly, I guess there will be the one day possibly). Bleh. I wish we could just do things normally for once!

  23. Ms.Badger

    clementine / 918 posts

    @Torchwood: Is there any possibility of seeing a doctor at the MFM office? He or she should be able to give you an in-depth description of the baby right there. My MFM doctor went through exactly what he was seeing, all the appropriate next steps, and their recommendations right there in the room with the ultrasound. I may not have known him prior to that appointment but at least I felt that I knew everything that I needed to when I left.

    It just seems crazy to me that your midwives are ok putting you through this additional stress. When there were the findings at my anatomy scan, I had an appointment right after with my Dr. (it's always scheduled this way, because there is no doctor at this ultrasound). Dr. told me they found 2 low-risk indicators of Downs and, so to relieve my stress, she had called MFM and scheduled me for an immediate appointment. I got the MFM scan and doctor analysis less than an hour after I left my doctor's office. It was nice to hear than both the MFM doctor and my doctor recommended the same course of action, but that re-scan with the opinion of a doctor really eased my concerns. I really hope that they can arrange something similar for you.

  24. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @Ms.Badger: The MFM office is always super busy and overbooked (I've never waited less than 45 minutes there). It would have been fine if they'd scheduled it correctly back weeks ago when we first discussed it, when the schedule was more open, but since they screwed it up and had to change it, this is what's available. I can do it this way, or wait another couple weeks, which I don't want to do either. I'm sure I could throw a fit and get them to work me in to see the MFM the same day, but I guarantee you I'd be there for hours and hours. The day I had the first MFM scan last time, when they were confirming there was a problem, we wound up dealing with them for something like 8-9 hours, waiting to see different doctors (head of the NICU, head of the pediatric neurosurgeons).

  25. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @Torchwood: Ugh. The waiting will definitely be the worst, but hopefully everything is 100% great and it won't be an issue at all!

  26. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @ValentineMommy: Thanks! Here's hoping!

  27. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @Torchwood:

  28. Jess1483

    nectarine / 2641 posts

    I read this article this morning and really loved it. I hope others might find some comfort in it, too.

    Thinking of you all often!

    http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/02/rainbow-baby/

  29. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @Jess1483: Great article!!! How are you doing??

  30. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    Missing the little one I never got to meet today on their due date. I would have loved that baby so fiercely. While I never got to meet them, to hold them or to soothe them, they will always be in my memories. They were with us on our belated honeymoon and there the first moment I felt like a mother.
    Today is bittersweet. I am so happy about my baby boy who has been kicking away all day, reminding his mama of what she has and not what she has lost. But I will always want all my babies. All the pieces of my husband and me.
    And so, baby, I love you and I will always miss you.

  31. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @simplyfelicity:

    @2PeasinaPod: How are you doing? Thinking of you!!!

    @Jess1483: Congrats on hitting another BIG milestone!

    @Torchwood: FX for a great scan on Monday! Will be thinking of you!!!

    I'm 17weeks today! Got to hear my little guy yesterday and set my anatomy scan appt for 3/24!

  32. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: Doing well! Graduated from my RE and have my first OB appointment on Monday! Been super busy with work and it's wiping me out!

    Hope all of you ladies are doing wonderfully!

  33. GoGoSnoGirl

    pear / 1558 posts

    @simplyfelicity: hugs you you today
    I'm so glad your baby boy is kicking & reminding you that you are a mama & soon you will meet your little angel!

  34. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @GoGoSnoGirl: Thank you! I am glad to be past this date that has been staring me in the face for several months.

  35. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: Yay for graduating! I am so thrilled for you.

  36. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @FliegepilzHut: Thanks! I'm definitely nervous. I've randomly cried over really stupid stuff twice lately, which I know is normal when pregnant, but I'm pretty sure it's also my body trying to relieve some of the stress. But the ladies on the due date thread posting recent ultrasound pictures helps! Seeing the reminders that she'll look like a cute little baby instead of a blob gives me something positive to focus on about it all. It helps too that she's super wiggly. I feel her a lot.

    Also, I've been absolutely obsessing over my "baby celebration" (not-shower) planning. I've already decided it will be "sweets" themed, with something along the lines of "we're having a sweet baby girl! come celebrate with us" on the invites. And I've started working on decorations and testing recipes, even though it's not going to be till May/June. So far I'm planning pink lemonade cake and cupcakes, with marshmallow frosting, lemon whoopie pies with raspberry frosting filling, some sort of cookies (that will look like picture below, more or less), and then maybe meringue cookies (awfully humid here by then to risk it though), oreo pops (delicious but a little more work), and/or some sort of homemade candy like marshmallows or gumdrops. Doing it all myself because that's what I do! I even tested out covering a cake in fondant (using a styrofoam form) for the first time, and for a first try it went really well! I'm literally dreaming about sweets from thinking about it so much (though I'm playing a lot of Zelda too, so sometimes it's more fighting bad guys made of cake in a Candyland-esque world). I'm driving my mom and friends nuts talking about it, so I'm sharing it here to keep from bugging them today! All colors will be basically bright rainbow colors but with pink instead of red. The cake and cupcakes will be decorated with the fondant lollipops. (Note, all pictures are inspiration, not anything I've done myself so far.)

    Anyone have thoughts on how to use the felt candy? They're easy but not sure how to actually decorate a large space with them.









  37. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @Torchwood: That is so adorable!!!!!

  38. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: Yay! How was your new(?) OB appt?

    @Torchwood: SO CUTE!!!!

    So, I'm feeling a bit more anxious today. Part of it is because of an intense argument with DH last night about how I will "handle" my IL's... And I'm still waiting to feel LO...although I am feeling a bit bump-ier the last few days! What do you all do when you're feeling anxious?

  39. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    @ValentineMommy: @FliegepilzHut: Thanks! I'm really excited about doing this party!

    @FliegepilzHut: My response to the anxiety is usually more escapist. I'm not sure if it's really healthy, but I also know that wallowing in it and being super stressed all the time isn't good either. I usually find something to totally immerse myself in. Sometimes it's a video game (with all the stress leading up to my anatomy scan, I'm on my third Zelda game in a month!), sometimes something like my party I mentioned above. This weekend, since my scan was on Monday, I was really focused on baking. I made my first layer cake with fondant, and some cupcakes. I was literally working on the cake decorations at 5am Monday, because I can't sleep the night before a scan, so I stayed up and alternated working on the cake and playing Zelda when it needed to chill between steps. On the one hand it was kind of ridiculous; on the other hand, it really helped distract me, and I was productive on something fun (and tasty). If my anxiety is somewhat smaller, and not focused on something in particular, I'll usually try to do something for myself, like getting Starbucks and curling up with a good book. Sometimes I'll splurge on something totally random (like a good book) that I don't really need but I know will distract me.

    Like I said, not sure if the escapist things is really healthy, but it works for me. I do blog/journal sometimes, and it helps, but other times I don't want to delve into all those feelings.

    Hope you're able to stay relatively calm! You've got to be close to feeling LO soon! Hugs! We're going to have our sweet babies this summer, finally!

    Also, because I'm proud of myself, my cake. It's not perfect (I'm a harsh critic of my own work), but I'm pleased for a first try!



  40. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    I can't shake the feeling of being scared that something is wrong with DS2.

    My pregnancy is completely opposite of DS1. I've been feeling sick this whole time (and still am) and wasn't at all with DS1. DS1 was always measuring a week ahead and was a big dude, and I felt a ton of movement from 17w on. This time, I've gained less, DS2 is measuring in the 50%, and at 20+w I still only feel flutters (although placenta is in front this time).

    This worrying business sucks.

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