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Pregnant after a loss

  1. travellingbee

    hostess / papaya / 10219 posts

    @Silva: congrats!!!!! and I'm sorry--this is the hardest part. My advice would be to stop testing and distract yourself but easier said than done. Those cheap tests don't darken like a FRER so you won't see much of a progression for a while. Hope all is well with your little bean!

    Eta: I actually freaked my self out this pregnancy with wondfos because one day it truly looked lighter than the day before. But I had great betas a couple days later.

  2. petunia354

    pomegranate / 3863 posts

    @Silva: Just popping in to say congrats! I miscarried just a week or two after you so it's comforting to see someone who went through a similar experience around the same time go on to conceive. I don't have any advice for you since I already have anxiety about our next pregnancy and I'm not even pregnant yet. Wishing you lots of peace and a healthy 9 months! My fingers are crossed for you! I keep reminding myself that so many women miscarry and go on to have healthy, normal pregnancies.

  3. My Only Sunshine

    persimmon / 1129 posts

    @Silva: Congrats! I know how you feel. When I got a positive test I was excited and also an anxious wreck after 2 chemicals and 1 miscarriage. I'm 15 weeks now and the anxiety hasn't let up yet. I envy women who can just get a positive and think "Hooray, I'm having a baby!"

    I like the advice I've heard on here before of celebrating "Today, I am pregnant." I tried to just get really into a new show on Netflix and do a lot of fun distracting things. I tried new recipes, tried some new colors of polish, and crocheted half a blanket while I was waiting for my first ultrasound!

  4. Alba4

    nectarine / 2951 posts

    @Silva: congrats! I totally get how you feel. I had 2 miscarriages, one before my DS and another one afterwards. I'm currently 10 weeks and I still worry. I try to keep positive and take each day as they come!

  5. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    @Silva: Is the waiting horrible? I'm 5 weeks now and miscarried back in June at nearly 7 weeks. I feel like getting past week 7 will feel like a huge victory for me. I'm happy to be feeling nauseous, sore breasts, etc. During my miscarriage pregnancy, other than a horrible headache, I didn't really have any symptoms at all. Hoping the stronger and more unpleasant feelings are a good sign.

  6. Silva

    cantaloupe / 6017 posts

    Thanks for the support, guys. I have one more frer that I will take tomorrow, I think, and then just wait. My temp was down a little bit this morning (not below the cover line, but still dropped about 1/2 a degree) which is scary, but there is nothing to do about it. I think I may temp tomorrow, because most likely it will be up again and I need the reassurance, but I should stop doing that too.
    @Shantuck: I don't feel that bad, which is freaking me out. It's still super early, even for symptoms, but I don't feel much more tired than usual. My breasts are fuller/bigger and nipples more sensitive/hurt sometimes. I have an autoimmune disease, and unfortunately a lot of the symptoms are similar to pregnancy symptoms- so I think I'm kind of used to not feeling great? But I do take relief in the small things I notice.

  7. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    @Silva: I just started feeling bad at 5 weeks. I think I am just trying to find differences from this time versus last time for purposes of keeping my own sanity. I've opted to avoid the whole beta thing because I worry that will make me even crazier.

  8. struggleisreal

    coffee bean / 48 posts

    @Silva: Congratulations! Hugs. I'm sorry for all you've gone through. Not sure if you caught my other posts, but in the last year I've had a chemical pregnancy and an ectopic (at least they seemed to think so). I just got a last week and I just don't know how to feel. No symptoms that I can pinpoint. Dr ordered betas so I went yesterday and will go tomorrow. She said that the results yesterday look promising but you can't really know anything until you compare two numbers. Ack. So I have no idea whether to get excited that it's actually happening....or proceed with caution. Not that I want to feel sick, but I kind of wish I felt any different from usual. All this to say I'm here in the same boat with you. Let's take it one day at a time. Today we're pregnant. The ladies here have been amazing for support. I post here usually with a different name, so this is a pseudonym until I feel confident I can share under my "real" username Hang in there and

  9. Silva

    cantaloupe / 6017 posts

    @struggleisreal: congratulations! Good luck to you, and I'm sorry about your losses.

  10. Mrs. Champagne

    coconut / 8482 posts

    @Silva: congrats! I took an FRER and a dollar store test. Then two days later took the same ones. They were darker so I stopped testing.

    The month I had my mc and the month I got a positive with my son, I had the same darkness progression, same digital progression (the weeks indicator) and it didn't make a difference, still miscarried, even though the tests for darker and the weeks went up. So this time I called it quits and didn't buy more tests. I was a worried mess and my doctor wouldn't do betas. I scheduled my dating ultrasound for 6 weeks 6 days so I knew it would be far enough to see a heart beat. Hopefully you can get one soon too.

  11. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @Shantuck: Sorry for not seeing your post. I haven't been on HB as much lately. I hope you were able to make a decision and that all is well. I personally liked getting the betas but at the same time can totally understand not wanting to get them and stress over them.

    @Silva: Congrats on the ! I agree with the advice above to step away from the tests, though I know that is not easy at all! Unfortunately, the beginning does seem to be the hardest part but I can say that it does it get a little easier as time goes on.

    I'm 39 weeks, due this Friday, and while I've never been 100% carefree this pregnancy, it has gotten a little less stressful the further along I've gotten.

    Thinking about all of you and sending out good positive vibes and prayers for all!

  12. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Thanks! My doctor's office does require a beta to get the first ultrasound scheduled but I opted to wait until the 6 week mark to schedule the blood work. I think I was just scarred after last time when I had an ectopic scare. After doing two betas with not great numbers they called me and told me to drop everything and come in for an ultrasound to check to see if it was ectopic. That day happened to be my moving day so my husband was with the movers and couldn't come with me. It wasn't ectopic and I miscarried naturally the next week. So I have a little baggage when it comes to beta testing!

  13. struggleisreal

    coffee bean / 48 posts

    @Silva: Thank you. And good luck to you, too.

  14. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @Shantuck: that's definitely understandable. I'm so sorry your husband couldn't be there.

    I was the same way with early ultrasounds. We had a scan at 8 weeks and saw our babe and his heartbeat then when we went back at 12 weeks we learned we had lost him, then found out it was a partial molar pregnancy. This pregnancy I was so nervous before every scan because I was convinced something would be wrong again.

    I so wish all of us could be carefree during pregnancy! Lots of love to everyone here!

  15. delight

    pomelo / 5326 posts

    @HappyBluebird: wow 39 weeks! Best wishes in the upcoming days.
    @Shantuck: congratulations to you. It's always hard to stay positive after a loss but do your best to stay positive!!
    @struggleisreal: Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!!
    @Silva: Thinking of you and hope your upcoming appointment goes well. I hope this is it for you!

  16. Silva

    cantaloupe / 6017 posts

    @delight: thanks the frer this morning wasn't very dark. Kind of a squinter. My wondfo was darker though. I'm kind of feeling done worrying for now. Nothing I can do, and no way to know until Monday's results. Just have to wait and see.

  17. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    @delight: Thanks for the good thoughts. I've been following your story. I hope you will be joining us soon.

  18. delight

    pomelo / 5326 posts

    @Silva: it's so hard not to keep testing. I always do. Like you said, it's out of your hands. All you can do is hope for the best. We are all rooting for you!
    @Shantuck: thanks so much. I hope 2016 brings some positive vibes my way. All the best.

  19. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    So after finally getting on board with doing this whole beta testing thing again, I opted to have it done on a Friday afternoon. Why did I do that?! Now I have to wait until Monday for the results!

  20. struggleisreal

    coffee bean / 48 posts

    @delight: Thank you.

    @Shantuck: Waiting is the worst. I hope your numbers look good.

    I had one round of betas last week, and the numbers look good. I'm also getting an early u/s on Friday to hopefully get confirmation of viability. I'm maybe 6w today! Current worry is that I don't really feel pregnant. I think my only symptom may be heightened sense of smell. Otherwise I feel normal. Anyone else not have any symptoms and still have a healthy pregnancy?

  21. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    @Shantuck:

    @struggleisreal: I didn't have any symptoms other than some dizziness and increased CM around implantation time. Morning sickness didn't kick in until 7-8wks, and it was very mild. Best wishes!

  22. struggleisreal

    coffee bean / 48 posts

    @DesertDreams88: Thanks for replying! I never had MS with my son, and I had lots of food aversions and some dizzy spells and sore breasts. None of that now. So I guess we'll see? I guess I could also be more like 5-5.5w depending on O.

    ETA: Just an hour later and my breasts are now sore. Ha!

  23. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    My beta at 6 weeks 2 days came back at 5200 (though I ovulated later than day 14 so I'm probably only really 5 weeks 5 days). My doctor's office seems to think that is the normal range so we scheduled an ultrasound for Friday. I guess I thought it might be higher given that around this point in my miscarriage pregnancy I was around 2500 (and everybody seemed shocked at how low it was). I'm trying not to get caught up with the numbers, though, especially since they aren't recommending that I come in for another test. Ugh... and the waiting continues but at least this seems to be in a better position than last time.

  24. Silva

    cantaloupe / 6017 posts

    My hcg was at 506, I'm 17 dpo (ovulated on cd 16, so I'm 4w5d lmp). Seems fine? Obviously doesn't mean much on its own. I'm going back Wednesday, and they will get a better sense of when to schedule the ultrasound I guess.

  25. Shantuck

    pear / 1766 posts

    I just had my first ultrasound and it didn't go all that well. If you count the weeks since my last period, I'm 7 weeks, 2 days but I ovulate on day 19 so that puts me at 6 weeks, 4 days. They saw the gestational sac measuring at 6 weeks, which wasn't surprising but the ultrasound technician said that she should be able to see the yolk sac at this point at well. She had me meet with a nurse practitioner who wanted to do another beta and said it was possible we were just trying to look too early. However, having just come off a miscarriage in June, I'm of course expecting the worst. Has anybody else ever had trouble seeing everything at 6 weeks but had everything work out? The only encouraging thing was that the gestational sac was measuring at 6 weeks, which would lead me to believe that it is still growing....

  26. delight

    pomelo / 5326 posts

    @Shantuck: just commented on another thread but wanted to see how you were doing. I went through this scenario in September and October. I was measuring behind when I knew my dates and at the first ultrasound they didn't see much. While we eventually saw a heartbeat, it didn't end well. I have my fingers crossed for you and hope everything turns out ok.

  27. runnerd

    pear / 1593 posts

    Hello! I'm not sure if many people check this thread anymore, and I don't remember if I ever joined it before, but just needed to vent about my anxiety. I'm 16 weeks pregnant with #2 after miscarriage this summer (and one before DS was born). I've had excessive bleeding incidents twice at 10 weeks and 14 weeks. I keep hitting the milestones where I should feel better, but i just don't. When people try to talk to me about my pregnancy, I probably seem like it's unwanted! I get nervous and seem really unexcited. Lately I keep having dreams where I have a miscarriage and I hold the gestational sac with the baby still alive in it, knowing there is nothing I can do to save it. I'm starting to wonder if I should ask my doctor about medication possibilities for anxiety. I don't know if there's really a point to this I just needed to vent and didn't want to start a new thread

  28. Autumnmama79

    pear / 1703 posts

    @runnerd: I could've written your post word for word and was coming here to write one of my own! Crazy. Being pregnant after a loss is hard enough on the emotions, but add to it the bleeding incidents and that just takes it to a whole new level.

    I too, tried to feel better after certain milestones (12 weeks, NT scan, anatomy scan, 20 weeks) but for some reason, crappy things like bleeding or cramping started happening shortly after I would take the tiniest breath and try to relax. Most recently I was feeling pretty good about our perfect anatomy scan and then had a serious bleeding (gushing) and cramping incident on Christmas eve that kept me in the hospital overnight.

    I'm sorry you're having the dreams, they must be terrifying I had one that baby was delivered at 14 weeks. Ugh.

    I spoke to my OB at last appointment and let her know I was having a hard time thinking positively. Now that I'm out of the first tri, I worry constantly about birth defects, diseases and stillbirth. She gave me a referral to a therapist that specializes in reproductive mental health. I'm looking forward to my first visit.

    The other thing that really helps me is the doppler. We bought one around 11 weeks and I use it all the time! Anytime I'm having a freak out, I just grab the doppler and have a listen to the sweetest sound on earth...

    I too am having a really hard time being excited and wonder if people think I don't want it Even with my own family (parents, siblings). I don't want to talk about it AT ALL. And if they bring it up I just change the subject fast. I'm just hoping that once baby is here I'll be able to feel excited and bonded, etc. since I haven't been able to feel any of it during my pregnancy.

    Hugs, its hard.

  29. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @runnerd: I could have written your exact post when I was pregnant. I thought each milestone would make me feel better but I still had anxiety. It did get a little less once I could feel her move but it was definitely still there. I also wouldn't seem very excited when people would want to talk about my pregnancy. I tended to change the subject the first chance I got. Luckily the people I saw often knew of our loss so they understood the hesitation to be overly excited and how hard it was to be carefree.

    @Autumnmama79: I worried about bonding with my baby too after being a little distant at times when I was pregnant. It was the only way I knew how to cope after our loss. But I'm holding my 4 week old LO now and I can say that there were no issues bonding with her once she arrived!

    Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers for both of you!

  30. My Only Sunshine

    persimmon / 1129 posts

    @runnerd: I know how you feel! I've been so stressed and anxious this pregnancy and very hesitant to be excited about it.

    I thought I would feel better after I started to feel movement (which for me was around 16 weeks), but I actually didn't start to feel better until I started to feel really consistent movement throughout the day (more like 19-20 weeks for me this time).

    Those initial kicks actually just caused me more stress because I would think "Crap, I can't remember if I felt it move today. Something terrible probably happened." Now that I'm feeling him multiple times a day, my anxiety has finally calmed down. I hope the same is true for you.

    I honestly thought about getting a referral for anxiety at my 16 week appointment, but now at 21 weeks it's feeling more manageable.

  31. ModernDayJibarita

    apricot / 258 posts

    @Autumnmama79: @Autumnmama79:

    I understand exactly what you mean. Writing about it has help a bit with my anxiety. I wrote the first part right after I lost the first pregnancy and wrote the second part last week after my 20 week scan.

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/16hPTfMCxJXRTUtrTt87xReXzcHTwMvNuuUwx3qX1cGA/edit?usp=sharing

    *Hugs to both*

  32. Autumnmama79

    pear / 1703 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Thank you so much for saying this about the bonding. Thats my 'latest' worry as deep down I want nothing more than to be bonded with my new baby. I'm glad you're enjoying your little 4 week old darling

    @My Only Sunshine: I totally do the 'crap, have I felt baby kick yet today??' in my head all the time. And then start poking my belly or drinking cold water to try and get her/him moving.

    @ModernDayJibarita: Thanks for the reminder about the writing. I too did some after my losses and that seemed to help get the bad thoughts out and away from my system. I'm going to give it a try again. Will prob give some good talking points for when I do meet with therapist. Thanks for sharing your link too. Off to read....

  33. runnerd

    pear / 1593 posts

    @Autumnmama79: @HappyBluebird: @My Only Sunshine: thank you each for your responses. I read them multiple times, and am so glad to know I'm not alone. I just kind of shut down emotionally, and then have a hard time coming back and responding to the posts more. I was just at my wits end yesterday, and got an elective ultrasound scheduled for this morning, and I'm feeling so so much better to see the baby moving and healthy. I was having some very unproductive "is the baby alive still" thoughts this week, that I feel like I can put to rest, and hopefully feel movement within the next week or two for daily reassurance!

  34. runnerd

    pear / 1593 posts

    @ModernDayJibarita: if I wrote down my thoughts on my miscarriages, there would be a lot of similarities. I don't think I can write it down at this point, it's too much for me to go back and explore the deep pains.

  35. Autumnmama79

    pear / 1703 posts

    @runnerd: Yay! I'm glad you got to see the little one Hopefully you can rest assured for a few days at least (half-joking )

    Do you have a doppler at home? Even now at 23 weeks I still listen almost daily when I don't feel baby move for a few hours. Its helped with the "is baby alive still?" fears that run through my head.

  36. runnerd

    pear / 1593 posts

    @Autumnmama79: haha! I always tell DH that good ultrasounds only keep me going for about 5 days before the anxiety creeps back in

  37. Autumnmama79

    pear / 1703 posts

    @runnerd: Yup, 5 days of peace sounds about right

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