Things happen for a reason. That’s what I keep telling myself to get me through the rush of emotions I have been having this last week.
I just need to vent, I just need to say it, I need to let it out.
Budget cuts, downsizing, defense spending, the economy. It's hit everyone in one way or another. Recently I have really been seeing it hit us on the Government side, more so the Military when I say government. I have watched some wonderful people have to make drastic choices to ensure a continued career. I have seen people with 10+ years invested, half way or more to Military retirement told "Thank you for your service, Good bye". Last weekend I watched my Sister in law and 9mo nephew drive away. Yesterday, my brother followed. It finally hit me yesterday the reality of them leaving as I watched my brother drive out of our driveway. He has been up where DH and I are stationed for the last 1.5 years. He was supposed to be up here for 4. He is a pilot. With his plane and community "downsizing" his best bet to ensure his future (13yrs in) was to give up his love of flying and take a duty elsewhere. They hated leaving, they loved it here and he loved what he did. Security for you and your family of course being more important he took a job elsewhere. It was the first time in 13yrs my brother and I were on the same side of the US. What a blessing to even have him as close as he was. I am VERY thankful for that time no matter how short and even with him deployed 7 of those months. Yesterday was hard. I went to work very sad; the reality of them gone was most definitely there. The day couldn’t get any worse, but it did!
DH came into my office looking sad. I could tell he had something to tell me.
The news we thought was not coming for MONTHS came early. The reason we stopped TTC. Where are we going to next and can I go with?

DH was contacted and had to select where he wants to go to next. He has two options. Either 1.5 yrs in the desert (Of course w/o me) or 3yrs without me OCONUS (outside continental US). That’s it! I couldn’t handle it. My family who I did have close to me left earlier than expected, my brother just drove away a few hrs ago and now you are telling me we are about to go through something where I could REALLY use family nearby?

Last night I lay in bed, trying to process everything. Looking back at how perfect everything was and how drastically it changed this week. I felt so helpless all I could do is cry. I did not want today to come. I didn’t want to close my eyes and wake up to today. Today being the day it would be set. Be for sure. Him having to make the decision. Today being the worst Birthday ever.
I know the lifestyle of the Military, me previously being Active Duty myself and now being "married" to it. But who could ever have imagined things being how they are now. So many changes. The Military is changing so fast it’s a whirlwind for many.
This morning I woke up, today of course came. I felt numb. I don’t know how to feel. I look at my phone and the ton of "Happy Birthday" messages. I roll out of bed not feeling happy at all. But the love load of messages have helped some.
Thanks for letting me have my sappy vent. Just needed to let it all out! Still processing it all. I guess I am telling you all because I have mentioned possibly having to stop TTC, even though we didnt expect to know this soon. With the posibility now being reality....yeah...I just feel like we have stop moving forward, and just "enjoy" the time we have now. The idea of not being able to TTC for another 2.5 yrs atleast is really hitting me hard.

BY THE WAY for those still reading....man I get lengthy when I vent....but HAPPY GROUNDHOGS DAY!!!