I found out on Thursday that instead of being 8 weeks pregnant, it's a blighted ovum and missed MC. I'm going to be spending a lot of time with 3 very close friends this month (lunch dates and 2 long weekends away with our families). I tend to be very private about stuff, but I kind of want them to know for a bunch of reasons - but I don't want to have to actually tell them, if that makes sense. I'm a crier and I hate crying in front of people. Plus I'm meeting 2 of them for brunch tomorrow, and I don't want to be a mess in public. Also, since I'm seeing 2 of them tomorrow, but another on Friday, I'd have to repeat myself. I'm thinking about just texting them all at once. Is that super weird and cowardly? Sorry for the rambling post.
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First, so sorry for your loss. Been there twice and it’s so hard.
I texted to tell friends. Also hate crying in front of people. So I sent a text saying what happened (exact same as you btw, really sucks). I said I was ok and would let them know if I needed anything, etc. It was easier that way for sure, in my opinion!
Sorry for your loss
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
I texted about our loss at 13 weeks as well. I think it's totally appropriate. Truth is it can be an awkward conversation for both sides (friends want to say the right thing and fear saying the wrong thing) and this gives your friends some time to decide the most caring way to respond as well.
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@Mrs. Champagne: Thanks! I appreciate the support, and I'm so sorry for your losses as well. I had a very early loss in April, but I didn't tell anyone then. I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants to text.
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I’ve had a friend tell me over text and I definitely didn’t think anything was wrong with that. Whatever you are most comfortable with is what you should do because it’s your feelings that matter. I’m so sorry!
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@yellowbeach: Thanks. I'm so sorry for your loss as well.
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@Jennibenni: Thanks! Glad to hear it was okay to hear over text from the other perspective.
I just sent it, so we'll see. I'm pretty confident that none of them have had a MC, so brunch tomorrow might be a little awkward if they aren't sure how to respond (which would be totally understandable). Oh well. I *think* I feel better having told someone besides DH.
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@Chuckles: First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a blighted pick diagnosed at 11 weeks and it just plain sucks. Please wall me at any time if you want to talk.
I see that you have already sent the text to your friends (which I think is a great idea.) If your friends seem awkward, it's most likely because they don't know how to act or be there for you--not because they wish you hadn't told them. I definitely experienced others not knowing what to say or do.
many hugs.
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@Chuckles: I'm so sorry. I'm a crier, too. I am almost crying just reading this. There is nothing wrong with a text. It's your news to share and you can share it however you want to.
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I'm sorry for your loss
I told friends via text when I miscarried, so I think it's totally fine.
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I'm sorry for you are going through this
I had a friend who waited 6 months to tell me about her two miscarriages, because she wanted to do it in person. I felt terrible, because during that whole time I kept making baby jokes and other insensitive comments. I wish she had just sent a text! If your friends know you, they will understand.
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm going through this right now as well and have mainly been telling friends over text message. It's just easier that way for me and I don't think cowardly at all.
And telling those that haven't experienced a miscarriage sometimes their responses aren't what you would have hoped, but coming from no experience themselves they can't be faulted for that. (this is my 3rd miscarriage and responses from others have run a full spectrum every time). -
I think those are very hard words to say out loud, and text is more than ok. I would seriously have to doubt my friendship with anyone who would judge me for how I felt best for me to share such hard news.
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Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the support. It's so crappy that there are so many of us who have been in the same place. Their responses were all very supportive, though one did say that she was devastated that I didn't tell her sooner so that she could be supportive/helpful. I'm like, I'm glad the *actual news* isn't devastating (not that I would expect her to be devastated), just the fact that I kept it to myself for 4 days. Jeez. But I know it came from a good place.
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@Chuckles: I know the feeling. One of the lonliest things about my miscarriage is I felt like everyone else was mourning MY loss while I was mourning the loss of the baby. I think it's hard for other people when they weren't the ones pregnant. But I am glad they were supportive overall.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I see you texted your friends already, which is exactly what I would do. Sending love.
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I just had to update and get my thoughts down because I'm still processing. I went for another ultrasound today to confirm the missed miscarriage and my gestational sac had grown a week and the ultrasound tech found a yolk as well (which she almost didn't find and could have been missed last week). So the doctor said that even though it's super bizarre that I should be about 8w5d, and that's all there is, because there was a typical weeks growth, they have to continue to consider the pregnancy viable.
I was like, explain to me how this could be some sort of medical marvel? And the doctor said that OBs are learning all the time that early pregnancy is a mystery and that she's had other women who thought they were 8 or 9 weeks but it was actually really early. Which I would totally understand if I had super long cycles or randomly took a pregnancy test, but I had a blazing positive a full month ago. I got my hormone levels drawn again today (they were 24,000 at 7w6d, so low but not horrible).
She agreed that if my levels have dropped, we can consider it a miscarriage and schedule the D&C. But if they've continued to go up, I have to go back early next week for another ultrasound. It's just infuriating to delay what feels inevitable (as much as I'd love to have some sort of miracle baby). Plus, the one tiny comfort was that there never was a baby, just a blighted ovum. I'm worried that we'll have to wait out a malformed embryo with a slow heartbeat before this is over. Ugh. Sorry for the novel. It helps to type it out.
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@Chuckles: omg what a crazy turn of events - happy for you since there's a chance this is viable, but I certainly understand the misery of waiting with uncertainty and not knowing on which end of the spectrum you will land. Thinking of you. Please keep us updated.
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@Chuckles: I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. The uncertainty of the timing is just awful. Many hugs
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@Chuckles: I'm so sorry. I went through the same thing. It was heartbreaking
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@yellowbeach: and @bhbee: thanks, ladies. It's so nice to have support from people who have been there. I really don't want to get my hopes up since the likelihood that this will end well is so tiny. And I understand the doctor's point, but it does feel like she's kind of ignoring reality. (But of course I'm (not-so) secretly rooting for a medical marvel baby)
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@Pollywog: how long did it take before the doctor officially said it was a miscarriage?
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@Chuckles: I had my first ultrasound at what should be 7 or 8 weeks, but I was only measuring 6. We did see a heartbeat. We came back 10 days later and saw a heartbeat and about 8 days of growth. Then we came back 2 weeks after that and there was 10 days of growth, but no heartbeat. A week later I had the D&C. It took forever. But I was naively hopeful.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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@Chuckles: I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I've had 4 miscarriages, but my first was the worst. There was a baby, and the heartbeat was there, but weak. I had to wait it out until there was no longer a heartbeat. It was only an extra week, but it was so hard to know that you're still pregnant and the baby wasn't going to make it. Sending lots of love your way.
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This just keeps getting worse. My SIL is pregnant and due in a month. When I thought I could get a D&C this week or early next week, I figured I'd have at least a couple weeks to recover before having to deal with visiting the new baby and seeing my son holding a baby. But now I don't know when it will happen and my mom just texted that she's getting induced a week early. So this all may overlap. I really didn't want to tell my parents yet, but i really don't want to hear about her baby plans right now. And the dr called and my hcg levels went from 24,000 to 26,000 so i have to go back in another week for an ultrasound to confirm.
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