But the middle name we love with the first name we picked is my mom's middle name!
Now we personally don't have an issue with this, and my mom already knows that we wouldn't be naming baby "after" her, but I'm very worried about DH's side of the family. Especially MIL. I don't want anyone to have their feelings hurt, and I'm almost sure she would.
Anyone else deal with a similar issue? Did you just keep the name you liked? or Pick a different name?
kiwi / 678 posts
Does your MIL know your mom's middle name? Just curious, as I don't know what my MIL's middle name is, so I don't think my mom would!
pea / 11 posts
Our issue wasn't similar exactly. Both of our mothers are deceased, and we named our daughter after them. One mother is honored with our daughter's first name, and the other mother is honored with the middle name -- which just happens to be the same middle name as her cousin, for the same reason. We didn't even check with our brother/sister-in-law before making this decision.
There was no real question as to which of our mothers would be honored with our daughter's first name versus middle name. The middle name is a little more unusual and a little more ethnic than we were comfortable with.
I wouldn't think that you would need to explain this to anyone. Once that baby arrives, nobody is going to worry about why you chose the name that you chose.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
We picked girls names from my side of the family (Grandma and Sister's name as frist and middle) and boy names from DHs side... well really only the Middle name for a boy is from DHs side, and I don't care! I really like the names and am not at all worried about anyone being upset that they weren't represented. We went with what we loved and suited us.
coconut / 8305 posts
@Rock n Roll: No she doesn't, but if it ever came out later I'm pretty positive she would think that we were purposefully hiding it.
My mom said she wouldn't say anything about it, but there's also my grandmother who most likely would without even thinking about it. "*Gasp* that's your moms middle name!"
coconut / 8305 posts
@kaogirl: I'm sure you're right.... Things with MIL haven't always been peachy so it just kind of worries me.
coconut / 8305 posts
@prettylizy: That's cool! That'd be nice to have family names that we liked.... this one just kind of happened as it was the best flow with the first name and it being my moms middle name was an after thought. =)
pear / 1852 posts
I don't recommend hiding it from her.
Is it a name that you could spell a different way? that way you could have the name sounding the way you like, without it looking to others that baby is named for your mom.
My sister has the same middle name as my maternal grandmother, and as far as I know, my other grandmother never made an issue of it. She did NOT like my mom, never has.
Ultimately, you're the parents, and you can name your baby anything you like!
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I wouldn't worry about it, I think it's a nice tribute to your mother, even if that wasn't your intentions. You could always pulli n your MIL's name/middle name/madian name some how if you have a another child.
coconut / 8305 posts
@Mrs. D: We thought about that... the name is Ann... which I don't really like spelled Anne (for some reason it makes me automatically think Annie). If we kept it, it'll definitely be Ann, but I'm still open to finding another name, just haven't so far. lol
Hiding it really isn't an option for me... I'm just not looking forward to the possible backlash, or the fact that I even have to worry about it. =/
ETA: I'm kinda weird about how the name looks together and don't want both names ending with an "e". I know it's weird but it bugs me. lol
pear / 1852 posts
@runsyellowlites: When I think of Anne with an E I always think of Anne of Green Gables, my favourite childhood novel.
pear / 1837 posts
I made the point to DH that all our kids are getting his last name, so middle names area good chance for me to include tributes to my family.
Our son's middle name is also my dad's name and his father's name.
If we have a daughter, her middle name will be my middle name, which was also my maternal great-grandmother's name.
nectarine / 2458 posts
I wouldn't worry about it, honestly. I would be upfront about it, but people really shouldn't care. Our son is gonna have my Dad's first name as his middle name, which is also MY middle name (my Dad really wanted a boy, lol, my middle name is Glenn). If it had sounded better, it would have been his first name. If anyone had said anything about it, I probably wouldn't have even responded - its your baby, and your choice.
apricot / 302 posts
I wouldn't worry about it, for all they know you could be planning on giving your next child a name from the other side of the family? Plus, its your decision, not theirs, period.
coconut / 8305 posts
Thanks ladies!
MIL will just have to deal with it.
And it's HIGHLY unlikely I would ever use DH's mom or sister's name, on mere principle..... I just couldn't deal with "they name her after me" that they'd pull...... forever! lol
My mom while she did smile all cute about the idea, she said herself she knew the name choice wasn't "after her" and would never present it to others as so.
Sigh..... I'm happy with the name though so I guess over the next few months I'll have time to get more resolve about it with MIL. =)
grapefruit / 4800 posts
My baby's middle name is my sister's middle name. It went best with baby's first name. I have three sisters so I was a bit worried the other two might be offended but no one made a big deal out of it. If someone asks that's what we say and no one has appeared to think twice about that answer.
pear / 1639 posts
I would keep the middle name, but you could also talk to you MIL about it. Just say that you guys really like this middle name, but its your mom's middle name and you didn't want to hurt her feelings. I doubt she will feel bad about it, especially if you are up front with her.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
@MrsD Me too! If we have a daughter we plan on using Anne as her middle name and I have to tack on the E because of Anne of Green Gables.
To the OP, I would keep the name because I liked it. And if your MIL asks, I would say I used it because I liked it and have that be the only explanation.
persimmon / 1135 posts
I think the most important thing in presenting it to your MIL is that you not make a big deal of it. You know what I mean?
If you don't act like it's a problem or that it's "after" your mom, then she's less likely to get upset. But if you are defensive (even just pre-emptively because you're worried about her feelings) and making justifications, she's more likely to get her hackles up.
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