Hellobee Boards

@mrskansas: great video.

@chypmunk: I'm so sorry I hope that you get your rainbow baby soon...

@chypmunk: so sorry - it's so hard especially when it's so fresh. We're all here to listen!

I saw my mom and sister after I got off work and we met up to go shopping. First thing my mom did was rub my belly and ask if there's anything in there because there's a "little bump". She knows all of our struggles to get and stay pregnant and knew that today was particularly hard.
I then asked my sister what size dress she was trying on and that I wanted to try it too. My sister told me I would need a smaller size and my mom said no she definitely needs a bigger size, no way is she even the same size as you anymore.

Needless to say I am over this day.

@mrskansas: I hope the rest of your day improved a bit, or that at least you got to go to bed early and get lots of sleep thinking of you.

@mrskansas: I was just looking to see if there was a test for today

@mrskansas: good luck!!

Joining this thread...

I had a D&C for a miscarriage three weeks ago, five days after my 40th birthday and a week before Mother's Day. It was my third miscarriage, and my second since starting to try for a second sticky pregnancy a year and a half ago. I already knew the diagnosis for a week but they made me wait to perform the D&C until there was no heartbeat. So that was a fun way to spend my birthday, as though I was not already acutely aware of my age. Sigh.

I have a consult on Tue with my RE to determine next steps. She may recommend trying IUI a few more times, or she may recommend going straight to IVF. It depends on the results of the genetic testing from my D&C.

I keep wondering if the universe is trying to tell me we shouldn't have another baby. Timing was not great this month, looks to be even worse next two months after discussing travel plans with dh last night. I had said we wouldn't do any interventions and leave it up to fate and maybe this is fate too. I guess I'm mostly just sick of the mental space this is taking up this year. Maybe time to think hard about it after the 2ww is over.

@bhbee: I'm in the same boat. I really do think the universe is telling me to just stop trying to have another kid.

No advice, just commiseration. This is a tough place to be

Text conversation between DH and I:
Me: So are you OK with me getting an IUD now?
DH: I don't care
Me: Let me rephrase... Are we done or do you want to try naturally for a month or two?
DH: Just wait to get the IUD until the end of summer. But no early testing.

LOL. I guess we are going to try naturally for a couple of cycles. He keeps saying he's done but I know he's not ready to give up just yet. I'm really curious to see what my body will do after taking meds the past three months.

@knittylady: Yes. I have gotten pregnant every time I tried while not on medication, so I'm convinced that my body just doesn't like Clomid or Femara.

@knittylady: No kidding. Knowing what I know now, I 100% regret taking them.

I'm just hoping that I ovulate within a reasonable time frame and that we catch a healthy egg!

@SugarMaple: That is the million dollar question. I really don't know how I'm going to handle this next cycle without using OPKs or obsessing over everything, but I guess I can try!
Luckily we have a lot going on in June so I hope I can stay distracted.

I find accidental pregnancy announcements so challenging. I don't exactly want to be that person but it just seems so unfair, that that coexists with all the people struggling.

Just needed a place to say that.

@ElbieKay: my last RE wanted me to do ivf because of repeat loss without knowing why. He referenced embryo quality as the likely issue. But we were moving so it was a no go and then I got a bfp on my own the next month and he's 2 now. So I think it's reasonable to try the easier methods first, but I suppose you have to be ready for more losses too. My last loss was also a trisomy and even though it shouldn't happen again, I worry I have crappy eggs too (and now I'm older than when I first started having losses!). It's just hard no matter what but I think if you're hesitant it's ok to wait a few months to decide on Ivf. Lots of hugs while you figure it out!

So I am at a complete loss. I really don't know what to do anymore. My husband is OK with either trying naturally or just stopping completely, which makes the decision harder for me.
Part of me wants to just get over it. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past 10 months. I've gained weight, I've been stressed and unhappy. I'm tired of obsessing over my reproductive system and wondering why it has been failing me. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about having another child in general. My daughter is the best, easiest kid. What if the second one is really difficult or I just regret having another one? Our life is good the way it is right now.

But then I think about what if we don't keep trying.. Will I feel bad every time my daughter asks for a sibling? What if she's lonely for the rest of her life because I gave up on trying? I always see big family gatherings and feel jealous because I had a small family and everything was always boring. I worry about being lonely as I get older, too.

Sorry for all the rambling but these are just the thoughts going through my head. My husband isn't much help and I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.

@mrskansas: thanks.

The thing is that you can't actually control whether or not you get pregnant. You can try something like IVF to boost the odd, but it's no guarantee. I am not always successful at this mindset, but I try to detach from the outcome when I can.

The low success rate (40% overall, and lower for women my age) of IVF is really turning me off. It is a lot to go through, and it's expensive. If it was a guaranteed outcome then it would be worth it, but if I go through all that and am still not pregnant it would be devastating.

I share you skeptical preference for a second child. It took me a long time -- about a year and a half -- to adjust to being a parent and find my new normal. Now the three of us are in a great groove, and a new baby would really disrupt that. Everything is a tradeoff.

I'm not sure where I am going with this....! But I am on a plane that is about to take off so I am just going to hit submit anyway!

@bhbee: My loss last year was a trisomy as well. I was 28 at the time (now 29) and am worried that I somehow have crappy eggs. The doctors told me it was just a fluke and unlikely to happen again, but every month that passes and I don't get pregnant I start to worry even more.

I've never been to an RE, but I'm surprised how quickly they would push IVF. My husband's sister in law is turning 43 this year and has done at least 9 IVF cycles over the last few years (both her tubes are gone, so IVF is their only option). It hasn't worked for them, but their insurance covers a big portion of IVF so we've wondered if that's why her doctor keeps pushing them to do more cycles.

@mrskansas: I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation. That's a very hard decision and I'm not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes. What if you take the summer off from actively ttc, but not preventing, and see what happens? Part of me wants to do this as well.

@ElbieKay: I'm also frustrated that their is no control to this process. I very much like to be in control of situations so it's been a struggle coming to terms with the fact that I really have no control over when I get pregnant again. I also agree that IVF is expensive when there is no guarantee that it will work. For me though since I don't have a child I know I'd be willing to do it if it ever comes to that point.