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@highwire: This is funny because DH suggested that the three of us get on the phone together...might be a really bad idea.
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@mrsjazz: tread lightly!!!
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@mrbee: ha, good.
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I can see how she would be upset, but then again SO much has changed since we were little...
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@mrsjazz, dude i see a phone call backfiring!!!! If your mom is ANYTHING like my mom, involving the husband is asking for trouble! Then again, i wouldn't dream of dealing with any issue with my MIL...i'd totally make DH field that drama!
@Bao, maybe my mom doesn't think anything really has changed! Babies still poop, eat, and sleep, as far as she's concerned
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@blackbird: well, I did it in more than one talk. The first I had while pregnant, I told her how I thought that it was tough that my aunt bossed my cousin around with her daughter and i told her i would hate it if i felt that way when my baby came. It was a good starter convo because the attention was off of her. Then i guess she didnt get it enough, because I had to talk to her again after dd was born. That talk wasnt without tears, my mom cried and was very hurt, i felt bad, and honestly I thought things would be awkward after, but they weren't she loves spending time with me and her grand daughter so she made it work! And we still have a good relationship, just different!
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Well that's so good to hear! I could see the first subtle 'talk' going the same way in my house. My mom will make comments like, "well i bet they aren't as close as we are" and i feel like such a jerk when i burst the bubble a little bit.
Maybe i will be pleasantly surprised...a few of my friends said their moms were OK after they had the baby, so we shall see! The transition may be harder than the reality. I'd hate to have that talk with her, though. It always turns into her getting upset, me feeling guilty, and then my dad getting upset with me for upsetting my mom and not just "letting her be a mom". But, you know, she's the grandma now, so it's supposed to be different
I guess, alternatively, I could also talk to my dad about it and perhaps let him deal with my mom.Different is good--i'd be delusional if i thought our relationship dynamic WASN'T going to change. It certainly has to with a new baby coming into the mix.
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Ugh! That sucks. I'm pretty sure both my mom and MIL will be like your mom.
What sucks is all three of us are independent and stubborn. Planning a wedding was pretty much a nightmare and the next step is having kids. I can't wait!!
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@blackbird: it's so true! I can see how it would be hard for you, I will add I've always been able to talk pretty easily to my mom. I have to admit I still feel weird at times like I'm hurting her feelings not letting her tell me what to do, i atbtimes brace myself forbthe lecture when i tell her about something, and then feel super surprised when it doesnt come anymore. But then I also think about it and know that what I'm doing with my daughter is what is best for her and I'm glad my mom now agrees! And, my mom helps in other ways, she gets to babysit and buy her lots of cute clothes and get snuggle time!
Maybe if you feel like you could talk more easily to your dad that would be a good route to go! He could maybe soften things for her a bit. Maybe if you go to a baby class, you could always "review" the information you learned with her, just approaching it like your just excited to tell her about what you learned(we did that with SIDS and "back to sleep" info), and show her the papers and info sheets that you get.
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That's a good idea, thanks! I might just make up a small "packet" of updated stuff for her
I guess, alternatively, I could also talk to my dad about it and perhaps let him deal with my mom.
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