So my DH came home from work last night where he works as a server. This couple who are friends with the owners of the restaurant came in with their new baby. DH proceeds to tell me how he told the couple we were expecting and I am 16 weeks right now. He said how he's trying to prepare for the baby and the couple goes on to tell him that there is no preparing and it will be the worst few months of your life in the beginning. I mean I know it's going to be really hard, but I didn't think that was necessary for them to say to someone they didn't know. And to me that sounds a little extreme. Worst time of your life?? I was just starting to get excited about the baby since my morning sickness is finally disappearing. To hear that was just disheartening for me. Maybe it's just my preggy hormones. What do you think?
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Well...it certainly was a trying time for me. I won't sugarcoat it. But it's temporary and you have a precious baby. I wouldn't be offended because they're just giving their personal experience with caring for a newborn. Some people are more dramatic than others.
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Yeah... not gonna lie... the first few months sucked over here too.
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I wouldn't be offended though I do think that worst time of your life is extreme. I recently said something similar about you can't really prepare for how rough the first few months are--but this person asked me because she's on the fence.
You should still be excited of course. It's not going to be the worst time of your life. That couple probably thought they were sharing some words of wisdom to with your DH but totally went about it the wrong way.
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After I had LO a few years ago. I went to a dinner party with some close friends, and they invited other friends that just got engaged. The girl was so happy to be engaged and was talking about their lives (very active lives) and how much fun it is to plan wedding.
When she found out we just had a kid (we had a baby sitter), she then went on about how much she would love to have kids and sort of said how she wanted a ton of kids and how easy she thought having kids would be.
Without thinking because I just gave birth and a few weeks of staying up all night ... I'm actually a little embarrassed to be writing this... I blurted out... Kids aren't easy! They will change your life... please think about it a lot before deciding on having kids and how many you want!
Let's just say I have never seen them since. My bad!
With saying that. I don't think you are over reacting but at the same time maybe those parents just went through a lot just now and said stuff without thinking!
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I think it's kind of mean to scare someone you don't know about something they are excited about. Yes it's hard - we ALL know that it's going to be hard. No amount of hearing it will really prepare anyone for what it's really like. So I think saying stuff like "it will be the worst few months of your life" is just cruel. Plus you never know what will happen. Maybe it WON'T be that bad for these people. Maybe they've already experienced something that is must worse than dealing with a newborn.
I think it was rude what these people said to your DH.
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LOL I'm not sure I would quite phrase it like they did. But yes those first few months are HARD. Take what you're imagining and multiply it by 10 for me.
And @Raindrop: brings up a very good point. My LO's night time sleep was absolute and utter crap the first 8 months of her life. They were just insanely ridiculous during her 4 month regression. If someone had caught me during that time it's likely I would have said something similar!
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I wouldn't be offended...some people have worse experiences than "normal" and deal with emotions/sleep deprivation differently or negatively. Personally, I'm 10 days pp with my third and I'm on a high. The first few months with my first two were pretty incredible. I'm loving life even more now that my third is here. Even with the baby blues at times, still amazing.
When people told me it would be HARD, I expected it to be hard all the time and the fact that it wasn't, was pleasantly surprising.
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I think everyone has a different experience, no 2 babies are exactly alike. They were probably just speaking from their own experience...i would just try and take it with a grain of salt. I can tell you the first few months were not the worst in my life or DH's. Of course there were and are still difficult times but I think there always is when a big change happens.
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I wouldn't be offended - frankly, its nice to hear some reality. For many, the newborn stage is HARD and SUCKS. It isn't fun, and there isn't any way to really prepare for it. But everyone expects you to say how wonderful and grateful you are; when reality, lots of people are just treading water and surviving.
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Aw. Shucks. Not something that needs to be said! Every experience is different- I can tell you that it is the most worth it, and I tend to notice in life the best things are the most challenging. You rise to the challenge and realize it is something you will only be through once- your first time with your first child. By the way, do you know these people? Sometimes words can seem more offensive when not witnessed first hand- maybe if you were there you would have been nodding and rolling your eyes internally, but hearing it second hand might make it seem worse because you have no context from the original delivery.
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@MrsHansen82: everyone is different. I had struggled with DH and In law drama but just newborn adjustment? Best few months of my life.
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I wouldn't be offended but as a new mom of a preemie 10-week-old I can say that def is hard, VERY hard. but I wouldn't go as far as to say it's the worst time of your life by any means. if anything it's the best, but hard and exhausting at the same time.
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I find that people love to tell pregnant women and expectant fathers horror stories about birth and early infancy. I mean, sure, certain aspects of both were rough, but the joys were and still are immeasurable. Just let it roll off your back.
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Would I have been upset and offended like you while pregnant with my first? Yes. Yes I would have been. I totally understand how and why you would be upset.
Would have I had said the same thing after finally getting through the newborn phase with my first, second, and third babies? Probably. Newborns are hard work. You won't get much sleep, you will be hormonal (still hormonal), you will have awesome ups and terrible downs, but you will experience a love you haven't experienced yet.
Get excited! Babies are awesome! being a mother is awesome! Don't let one couple get you upset. Besides, when you have a newborn no one expects you to be put together and you have an awesome excuse to only wear yoga pants!!!!! -
@littleredhairedgrl: I also wouldn't say it is the worst; super hard but worth it and gets better...
Definitely the most worth it and fulfilling, rewarding. So, it is hard, but a positive thing, unlike other times in life...
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The first few months do suck, but I'm sure they could have found a better way to say that. I wouldn't be offended, they probably thought they were being helpful.
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Lol I think there are two stories you hear: 'it was hell!' And 'it was heaven on earth!' The reality is somewhere in the middle for most people. You'll find that there are people who love to scare pregnant women and new parents with their horror stories.
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I watched this TED talk about the average happiness of parents vs. non-parents and how for parents you have more extreme lows but also more extreme highs than non-parents do. It helped me feel so much better in the early days
http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos
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Yes the first few months are hard, but they weren't the worst part of my life! Wording it like that is just annoying. It would aggravate me when people would say that to me when I was pregnant. I tell people now that your whole life is going to change but in a good way.
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I wouldn't be offended. I wish someone had told me how truly hard it is. The reason most don't is either because they don't want to scare you, or because they forget as it gets easier over time. The newborn stage is hell for most people but it gets a lot better. Still the hardest thing you will ever do, but better.
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I wouldn't be offended, but I would ignore the negativity and just know that it is different for everyone and it won't be super easy.
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@loveisstrange: lol! My reply was going to start with "not gona lie..." too.
They are TOUGH but you will be on cloud 9 at the same time. It's the weirdest thing. You'll get through it! Either way: you are entitled to experience it for yourself, without others telling you their horror stories (although some stories are lighthearted and hilarious; so listen to some of them).
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I wouldn't be offended, but that was unnecessary. Not like there is any turning back now
I'll tell you that we had a lot of issues (feeding, supply, c section complications, etc) and the first month of my daughter's life probably was the HARDEST of my life-- but not necessarily the worst because I never lost sight of the fact that it was all going to be worth it. And now at 10 weeks old I love her so freaking much, and she's so much fun! It's still hard sometimes but in a way that I'm totally capable of handling and don't really mind handling. I'd say by 6 weeks I realized that I was actually enjoying my time with her, rather than just surviving it.
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I wouldn't be offended. Although I think their wording was harsh, to be honest it's also more realistic than the people who tell you nothing but how amazing it will be and imply that you're a horrid parent if you aren't soaking in and enjoying absolutely every second of it. In general, extreme statements are annoying, but not to the point where I'd take offense.
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@deerylou: for sure!
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Hmmm...most people I just gloss over the truth and say congrats and be on about my way. Which is what everyone did with me. LOL! As far as hard...it was. I expected hard, but I had no earthly idea. It was harder than I imagined.Once those 3 months were over though, it got better.
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@yoursilverlining: exactly, so many people sugarcoat it.
Personally, the first few months were the most miserable & exhausting of my entire life. It was horrible and I don't sugarcoat it to anyone. I don't just spew my saga to everyone but if asked, I'm very honest. Granted, it was twins but the exhaustion applies to all new parents.
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@daniellemybelle: Yep, me too. I called up my best friend and asked her why the hell didn't she tell me! Haha. So now when people ask, I tell them the truth as I know it.
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However hard you think it is going to be, times it by 100. The rewards are good but it was the hardest time in my life and our marriage.
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I would not be offended. I'd rather prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised than go in thinking it was going to be all sunshine and rainbows just to be bitch-slapped by reality.
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@MrsHansen82: I hated it when people said that type of stuff to me, and they don't ever stop doing it. We have a one year old, and people say "wait until she's two, just WAIT" or "wait until she's a teenager, you won't like it so much then". I don't know why people do this, but it drives me nuts. We had so much joy in those first few months with our daughter, even though it was tiring.
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Honestly, I wouldn't be offended, but since the information was unsolicited, I think it was just plain rude. I had a lot of people say similar things, and I just want to ask them to please be happy for me.
When kids graduate from high school or college, we don't run to them and them how much the real world and paying bills suck. There are a ton of other scenarios where people just want you to be happy for them rather than sharing unsolicited bad experiences.
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@Rockies11: the "you just wait" drives me friggen nuts.
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I wouldn't be offended, but I try not to say things like that to people myself. I sort of had an adrenaline high the first few weeks and didn't think it was that bad, but there were other times in the first year that were among the most difficult times in my life and marriage. Note that I didn't say the "worst time in my life." Even though it's crazy hard sometimes, the love you have for this little person makes it somehow doable and it's not something I look back on with horror or anything. Please be excited! It's chaos, but it is really amazing, too! And for what it's worth, I would take the newborn stage over the first trimester any day--at least then you have an adorable baby to snuggle!
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@CupQuakeWalk: exactly what you said!
It's totally a weird dream state full of juxtaposed emotions. Sure they didn't mean to scare you. They didnt make the most tactful choice of words. Maybe they had a traumatic experience but to me it's like boot camp. It's hard but your rise to the occasion and you will amaze yourself. sorry they bummed you out.
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@Smurfette: ditto. This is exactly how I felt about it.
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@Rockies11: Yes! Constantly!! Wait until he's two! I hate this!
@MrsHansen82: I complained all the to my DH when I was pregnant because people kept saying these kinds of things to me. They would tell me how terrible it was going to be. I kept saying if it's so bad why did they all have two or three kids?
Well turns out the first three months were the easiest part of parenting for us. In fact, so easy that we got a little cocky.
and then it got crazy hard. Every child is different. It'll be hard but WONDERFUL and you won't regret it. Be excited and ignore the negative voices!
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They might have not phrased it the best, but they were being honest about their experience. Truthfully, I wish more people would have told me how truly HARD having a newborn and the whole post partum experience is. Yes, the love you feel for your child is absolutely amazing, but the sleep deprivation hit me hard. Just remember everyone's experience is different and it does get better.
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Maybe they were right in the middle of a "What the hell have we gotten ourselves into!?" moment. I'll never forget my best friend and her husband showing up on our doorstep with their newborn, in tears, telling us they couldn't do it. We didn't totally understand because we didn't have our LO, but man, we get it now!
I would just assume they were having a rough moment. When people are struggling it's hard for them to think beyond their current circumstances and think about how an expectant parent needs reassurance. I just hope for every hard truth you get people will also offer you encouraging words!
and then it got crazy hard. Every child is different. It'll be hard but WONDERFUL and you won't regret it. Be excited and ignore the negative voices!
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