2yo struggling with daycare room change

So, my son is about to turn 2 and is about to move up from the "toddler" room at daycare (12-24m) to the two's room. He is bigger than the other kids in the toddler room, older, and pretty verbal. His teachers feel he is definitely ready. The 2yo teacher has been talking to him frequently on the playground, etc. so he knows who she is.

Yesterday they took him for a 30 minute "visit" to the 2yo room. It was a disaster. Apparently he played and he was ok for about 10 minutes, then realized he was in a strange place with strangers and started sobbing. They took him back to the toddler room.

Today, when my husband picked him up (a little early), his teacher suggested that he take him to the 2yo room to let him play and check it out with daddy there. Apparently my husband could not even get to opening the door to the 2yo room before LO was screaming and hysterical, yelling "home, home, home".

I am so sad he is going to have to go through this transition and be so upset. It seems like it is just as bad as when he started daycare! Ugh. Any tips? I guess I thought this would go more smoothly.

Mae
papaya / 10343 posts

Aug 4, 2017

Pretty much every transition we've had has sucked. Even when the teachers are great. We just ride it out and within a few weeks or so she's okay.
erinbaderin
pomelo / 5573 posts

Aug 4, 2017

My son had a two week transition to the preschool room with three of his closest friends, and for the full first week refused to even go visit. They'd say it was time for the big kids to go on a special visit and literally he would say "Nope." Something that helped is they sent him to accompany his favourite toddler teacher to the preschool room on errands, and then they'd hang around there for a while.

Also, for what it's worth, by the end of week two he was fine and spent the full last day in the preschool room.
Ms. RV
pear / 1930 posts

Aug 5, 2017

Does he have any friends that have already moved up to 2's? DD had to spend a day in the 2's a couple of weeks ago and was a mess at drop off until we pointed that two of her favorite friends were in the room. That helped a little.
wrkbrk
pomelo / 5084 posts

Aug 5, 2017

We do this in a week. Ahhhh. Good luck to your little guy.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 5, 2017

@mae ugggh. I hate it though. It magnifies my mom guilt x1000 when I know he's so upset there.

@erinbaderin that's what they did his first transition day (went with one of his teachers), he was ok for a few minutes then freaked out. They apparently asked him several times yesterday, do you want to go with your friends over there, do you want to play with the big trucks on the playground, etc. and he said no no no.

@ms. rv yes, 3 kids from his class moved up in the last two months, and he definitely remembers them because he says their names! So far, not helping but when I talk to him I keep telling him remember, xyz is in that classroom with you?

@wrkbrk good luck LO's toddler teacher said some kids are pretty unfazed by it and some have a really rough time.
gilmoregirl
persimmon / 1273 posts

Aug 5, 2017

When my kid was about this age, he was so bad at visits to the other room I asked the teacher to avoid sending him up to the next room even though he was the oldest in his class (and therefore first in the list to move when they needed to close a room). The teachers and director readily agreed so you know it must have been bad

Full time transitions were better because he was in the new room all the time and he would eventually adjust. And his teachers would get to know him better and find ways to help him.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 17, 2017

Bump. This week (starting Monday), LO has been in the 2yo class full time but he is still having a REALLY rough time. Every morning, he becomes hysterical when he realizes we're about to leave the house. My husband takes him every morning to daycare (the school is on his work's campus and I work 40 minutes away), and this morning he literally had to peel LO off of me while he was screaming mommy, mommy, mommy. It is so bad.

He cries in the car the whole way to school, he is hysterical when my husband drops him off. The teachers say he calms down some during the day but is on again/off again unhappy. They are holding him basically all day and giving him lots of TLC. In his happy moments, I think he really likes the new room. When my husband picks him up, LO wants to show him all the toys and everything, which I think is a good sign.

Also this week, LO has started FREAKING OUT at bedtime when we go to leave the room, which he NEVER did before. I think it's due to the school anxiety. He's so exhausted he usually cries his eyes out and cries "mommy come back!" for about 1 minute and then collapses asleep. He is also waking about 5am sobbing for me.

He's not sleeping in the new classroom much - no nap Monday, about 30-40 minutes Tues and Wed. Because of that he is an overtired wreck which I am sure is making everything worse.

Please tell me this will get better! I have been crying at my desk all week at work because I feel so guilty and this is breaking my heart.
Banana330
nectarine / 2317 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@MrsADS: no advice but commiseration. My DD is 2.5 and she moved rooms at school, has a new bed and room at home and we're about to have a baby. She's been super emotional and lots of crying and screaming. I think a lot of it is down to bad sleep and not enough sleep. We've been trying to stay consistent and give her lots of snuggles but I think it's something only time will cure. She had her first night terror last night and I've read they tend to pop up when sleep deprived. There's a lots of change around 2, stay strong and you can get through it.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@banana330 well, glad to know it's not just me. I totally agree, the sleep deprivation makes it so much worse. He's been sleeping like 7p-5a this week plus no or minimal nap, which is just not enough for him at all. I'm going to try to put him to bed at 6 or 6:30 tonight, which seems so early but I don't know what else to do.
RonjaL7
apricot / 424 posts

Aug 17, 2017

I have found that age is the hardest transition age with both of my kids. I suggest keeping your goodbyes brief, but don't sneak out. He will eventually get used to it.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@ronjal7 that's what we're doing and trying to have faith that it will get better! This has been way worse than the transition when he started daycare for the first time at 16 months (although that was rough-ish, too).
Adira
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@MrsADS: I think it might just take some time to adjust. One of the things we did with my toddler though was continue to drop him off in the infant room in the mornings! He'd get a quick snuggle from his favorite teacher and then she'd drop him off in the toddler room. It literally only took her like 5 minutes or less to transition him over. But if WE tried to drop him off in the toddler room? NOT HAPPENING. But he was fine with the infant teacher dropping him off there after we left. We had to do that for almost a year, even though he was perfectly fine in the toddler room otherwise.

Good luck. Transitions are hard.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@adira ugh, I wish! Part of the problem is that his FAVORITE teacher in the 1 year old room (who he always happily went to) left for another job the same week he moved to the 2yo room. Apparently all week he has been asking for "Miss M." and she's not there anymore
Adira
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@MrsADS: Oh man, that definitely makes it harder! I'm sorry! I hate it when beloved teachers leave! I guess I'd just keep at it and know it'll eventually get better. Once he's used to the new teachers and has bonded with them, I think he'll be okay.
Dahlia
clementine / 935 posts

Aug 17, 2017

@MrsADS: Is there a possibility that some of the problem isn't the room change itself, but maybe a phase? Starting around 22 months DD started crying again at daycare drop off AND wanting us to stay in the room until she fell asleep at night (and started skipping nap some days). It lasted about 6 weeks. Then one day she went happily to school and went to bed alone and that was the end of that.

ETA: She hadn't changed rooms at daycare or anything like that, and she was suddenly hysterical at drop-off.
MrsADS
nectarine / 2262 posts

Aug 18, 2017

@dahlia I think that is probably playing into it as well, and the room change has made it way worse.
Dahlia
clementine / 935 posts

Aug 18, 2017

@MrsADS: ugh, I'm so sorry. Hang in there. It will get better!

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2yo struggling with daycare room change

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