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We somewhat deal with this at age 4.5 now. She still needs a nap but 2 hours is way too long. And we are going on 9pm bedtimes because she's just not tired (and wakes up happy around 7 to get ready for school).

Do they have a policy on sleep? Ours says that they will not force a child to sleep nor will they keep them awake. They have to lay quietly on their nap mat for 30 mins and if still awake after that then they can get up.

I would be annoyed that they are just totally ignoring what you are saying--and I feel you, when my 2.5 was still napping, he wouldn't go to bed til 9:30pm some nights, it was rough. I think that is just a tough age for naps and sleep in general. Do all the kids nap for 2 hours?

Most daycares just have a 2 hour "rest" policy at that age - they don't force the kids to sleep, but they have to lay there quietly or read in the corner. I don't think you can "force" a kid to sleep if they aren't willing or needing the sleep. I agree at 2.5, a good number of kids still need SOME nap. He may be transitioning out of naps, in which case I hear its very common for kids to alternate days where they nap or don't nap. The odd thing for you is that most of these kids skip nap daycare when they're around other kids, and then need the nap at home on the weekends! But he might have a strong monkey-see monkey-do reaction to seeing his friends laying down and going to sleep. Either way, I sorta feel like he's sleeping because he needs it. I'd be more inclined to push his bedtime on the weekdays a little later and put him to bed earlier on the weekends when he skips naps.

I find that a lot of kids start resisting naps at home before they give them up at daycare. It think it's environment: quiet, dim, soft music, nothing else to do, etc. Is he really asleep the whole two hours? Sometimes I have kids who will lay awake for 30-40 minutes before drifting off to sleep.
I also don't think they want a "break". Rest time is the only time of day for the teachers to do record-keeping, clean, & prep activities. For kids that young, it's hard for them to stay quiet when awake, which often wakes other kids, making it hard to get anything done. That's part of the reason I do a 30ish minute time on their cots rule (it's also part of licensing rules), but I do wake up kids if they go past the end of rest period & parents request it.

What time does he go to bed and wake up in the morning? Most kids that age need 11-13 hours of sleep.

I feel ya! My guy (now 3.5) stopped napping at 2.5 when I realized that even a 15-minute nap often meant lying awake for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night. I did not think that trading 2 hours of nighttime for 30 minutes of napping made for a happier kid, so I have trouble accepting that only a kid who needs sleep will sleep. It's probably more the exception than the rule, but it was important that he not nap to us. He only does half day preschool, but it was difficult keeping him up when we got home. But any time I let him nap, I'd regret it (and he wouldn't cause problems in the middle of the night, just laid there quietly...I only discovered he was up because I'd check the monitor when nursing the infant.)

I can't say what I'd do if I used full-time care. I'd probably ask them to keep him up or at least to shorten the nap, but having been a teacher, I understand the importance of that time, too. Maybe he could have quiet mat time, but you could send something a bit stimulating so he wouldn't sleep?

@Modern Daisy: I think you are well within your rights to say you don't want them to interfere to try to extend his nap. If he sleeps, he sleeps, but they shouldn't be trying to help him at this age if you don't want them to.

@Modern Daisy: I'd rely on your conversation with the doctor and present the daycare with the info and say you don't want measures taken to extend his naps if he is stirring. I think that's totally reasonable.

I agree with others who posted that's if he's sleeping, his body needs the sleep/rest

@Modern Daisy: I went through this very battle with DD's daycare when she was 3. They were insisting on napping her with the other children so they could have their break. As a result, DD was going to bed at 10pm, which is clearly insane and unhealthy. It took several very stern conversations for them to agree. Here is my takeaway:

1. You are paying these people to care for your child and they should be respecting your wishes when it comes to his/her care. They work for you!

2. You know your child best. You get to decide if and how long he/she naps for which then impacts the rest of his sleep schedule.

3. Its important to stand up for yourself and your child. Occasions where you need to do this will come up over and over during your child's life, get used to it mama bear!

Good luck going forward!

ETA, I agree that if they are labelling him the most challenging charge and calling you to pick-up early, there are bigger problems with your current provider.

@Autumnmama79: I think a lot of your points are much more applicable to a nanny situation than a day care situation. Sure, it's your child, but if what you want for your kid is vastly different than the needs of the average child in his class, a day care really can't cater to him. Most 2.5 year olds need a solid nap. If the teachers are having to actively work to keep one child awake, that will disrupt the rest of the class. I would not be happy if my daughter didn't get to nap well because the teachers are trying to keep another child awake. Obviously there are some other issues at play in this specific instance, but I think that in general if you want to be completely in charge of your child's schedule then you need to give one on one care (nanny or SAH).

@Modern Daisy: I'd talk with the teachers and director about why you guys can do given the situation. If everyone else needs to nap, it's not really fair if your kid is up and about disturbing them either. Perhaps there's another solution here, hard to say without knowing the specifics of your daycare setting. I'd say if they're Lying about things like fevers, then perhaps this isn't the best care setting for you guys.

ETA my nephew was actually asked to leave his daycare or move to half days because he was so disruptive to the rest of the class during nap. Granted his mom SAH so they didn't need to worry about finding a different solution, but she totally understood that they couldn't cater to his needs at that time.