Hellobee Boards

Omg you poor thing! I don't know if I would be able to say anything but "we have been trying for a long time" to put people in their place. But, im sure that won't make you feel any better in the long term anyways. It's so rude for people to even ask! I don't think people that are in this season of life where they are having kids that they even think about that though and realize it's rude! And men definitely don't - I yelled at my husband for asking his sister. When I explained why it was not cool to do he was clueless and was like oh wow you're right. He had never even considered that maybe they were trying! No real advice but sending hugs and strength your way. I probably wouldn't be able to go myself.
You're a great friend!

I second the buddy system. I went to one not long after my MC and needed to know someone there knew what was going on with me in case I needed to duck out.

I also gave myself an "out." I said I only thought I'd be able to stay for a little bit when I RSVPed so I could play it by ear and duck out early if I couldn't handle it.

That's a really tough one. I tried to avoid showers after my miscarriage and when we were going through infertility treatment - it was just too much for me, but I understand that for close friends or family you just really want to be there even though it's so hard. I agree with the other ladies - have a shower buddy and don't feel bad about leaving early if you need to. The questions are the absolute worst - they seriously knocked the wind out of me every time. I usually just said "I hope someday" or something along those lines, but once I got really upset when a friend asked if I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking (she had asked several times and I was so frustrated) so I said "actually the opposite - I'm having trouble getting pregnant and I'm having infertility treatment right now." That sure shut her up! Thinking of you and hoping it goes well!

@mrsjd: I feel you on the small town! We are both from the same one and one week after my loss someone asked me in front of my husbands ex girlfriend when we were going to have kids! That was super awkward.
We have been married a few years so I had practice before we even started TTC. I say a few things:
To "when are you going to have a baby?" I say well ones not due in the next 9mos! I'll update you when it is
Why haven't you two had kids- oh we are having too much fun with us two. When it gets boring we may.
Thinking of having kids? God willing we will!

I have also said to older women- well we are certainly trying. And left it at that. My sister has four kids so I also say that she met our family quota so I'm opting out. (Obv some of these are tongue in cheek.)
People are awful and not thinking about others a lot of times. Oh and I often say when asked if I have kids by a stranger- nope! Kid free! When saying it like that people usually laugh and don't ask any more questions.

Try to have answers ready and steer clear of most nellies! Ask tons of questions to the other guests. People love to talk about themselves and less time to ask you rude things.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels. Try to remember that most people asking questions about babies are really coming from a good place. I really like the response of "we are running out of excuses to keep putting it off, so maybe sometime soon!" when someone asks me when I'm having kids. But I also really love all of @LibbyLou: 's suggestions. Good luck, dear

It's so hard going to baby showers, you just can't escape it - just do your best to breathe, just do what you've gotta do to get through.. and I agree, have an 'out'. And it's good your friend knows your history; I'd always suggest letting the mama-to-be know how I was struggling/just so that if I did need to make an exit/take a moment, she knew. x