dh and i got our bfn this past thursday after our first iui cycle and still just can't shake the sadness i have been feeling..
we are moving on to iui cycle #2, and i want to be able to look at it with hope, but right now i'm definitely wallowing.
how do others deal with picking up and moving forward each time?
honeydew / 7909 posts
No real advice, just wanted to tell you I'm sorry you're having to go through this. 
kiwi / 526 posts
It's so hard I'm sorry your first one didn't work.
We just had IUI #2 this morning, and I'm not feeling great about it. After a failed cycle, I usually try to give myself at least a day to have a full-out pity party and after that, try to force myself to think about other things, start a new project, or just get out of the house and do something, anything, that has zero to do with babies or getting pregnant. I think it's important to let yourself have some time to be sad, but I know it's not easy to move on after that.
I'm having a total pity party day today, so I don't know that I'm always able to follow my own advice... looking forward to reading some suggestions from others!
persimmon / 1135 posts
thanks @ash
@alie I hope this is the one for you!
I definitely allowed myself to get good and drunk after we got our bfn (and paid for it the next morning), but for some reason today and yesterday have been super hard. I agree with you about trying to focus on a new project (I design wedding invitations and was just contacted for another project, which I'm super happy about) but it's hard not to have my thoughts wander..
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
Aww, I'm sorry!! Hugs! The BFN after the first IUI was really hard for me! My RE started us on the second IUI cycle so I was hopeful in the next cycle.
nectarine / 2834 posts
I remember the pain after our failed IUI. It was by far the lowest point in our TTC journey. So low we decided to take at least the next month off from the next IUI. DH had to be in London for a work trip so we spontaneously went to Paris for a long weekend...and ended up getting pregnant there!
I don't have any words other than I've been there...I know what it's like. Feel your pain...get it out. And know that one day, you will get to see that second line on the pregnancy test.
bananas / 9229 posts
((hugs)) Just want you to know I'm thinking of you...
The fact that I haven't hit a huge low point of sadness yet kinda worries me. I'm afraid that when it comes, it'll be bad. =/
persimmon / 1135 posts
thanks 
@lindsayinny @theswisswifestyle @tidybee @bluestripedbee
i've never been a particularly optimistic person to begin with, so i know my reactions will usually be on the more severe side, but it's rough for sure!
persimmon / 1081 posts
I'm so sorry, IUI#1 failed for us, too. However, we never got a BFN bc AF told us it failed . But it was good in a way bc AF meant we were right at the start of cycle 2, and we didn't really have time to feel sorry for ourselves. Actually TWW felt way harder bc we didn't know the outcome, it was kind of a relief to know the result.
So I don't really have any good advice for you, just good luck with your next IUI. IUI#2 is what worked for us and now I'm 29weeks!
persimmon / 1135 posts
@lovelyplum @pui thanks ladies! i'm hoping this next one is it too!! (beta should end up falling on the week of my bday..YIKES!)
really grateful to have found this community and appreciate the kind words and support. it's really something that your irl friends and fam could end up saying the worst things at the worst times thinking they are helping and women you've never even met can make you feel so loved and understood 
pomelo / 5228 posts
Once I realized I was in that place, I started listening to Circle + Bloom. It really helped me get to a better head space, and worked for a few months. Even after 2 losses, I'm better now than I was then, but I definitely still teeter on sadness at times. Hang in there!
persimmon / 1135 posts
@mrs.someone i downloaded them but since my cycles are so strange i wasn't sure how they'd sync up with the daily meditations. which did you listen to?
pomelo / 5228 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: I got the standard one. My cycle is pretty regular, though I don't O until cd16. So I don't worry about it if I skip a day here or there, and if I'm on track 14 and still have a few more days until O, I might repeat some. I wish I could still get myself to lay down for it, but now it just makes me sad that I'm still TTC after all this time.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: hugs. I wallowed a little after the BFN from our IUI cycle but I also knew the chances weren't great. Give yourself some time and look towards the next cycle!
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: hugs it's so hard.
I have found it super helpful to journal - I do it on a private blog but paper works too. when I need to vent, it's the place to go to write long posts about feelings and the details of what is going on, that I wouldn't want to lay on anyone in real life. I let myself use it as an outlet once a day (or not at all if I don't think about it that day) and try to focus elsewhere the rest of the day. I kind of look forward to it on tough days.
I also give myself a little pure wallowing time where I do whatever I want - I think that's important. and I find little things helpful, like today I ordered wondfos on Amazon for the next cycle - just makes me feel like I am doing something.
fingers crossed for the next one!!
kiwi / 526 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: thank you, and same to you! also - i may need to get your info for invitations; i'm an event/wedding planner and am always looking for new designers!
persimmon / 1135 posts
@alie what is your email address? I'd love to work with you
apricot / 452 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think that many of us have been in this place, I know that I have. I tried to do a few things for myself - like got a pedicure, when shopping - anything to make me feel better. After our 3rd failed IUI when we were told to go to IVF, I had a total and complete melt down. We took a break after that for a few months, which was really needed. The main thing is to really take care of yourself right now. This is an extremely hard process to go through.
nectarine / 2705 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: I'm sorry your first IUI didn't work. I remember having such hope after starting #1, and then really having a hard time after #2 didn't work. My 3rd IUI ended up being the magic number and now I'm almost 34 weeks. But I remember reaching out to another HB member when I was in the midst of cycle 3 wondering how she made it to #4. It really doesn't get any easier to deal with the failed cycles, in my opinion.
I think I would echo what everyone has said about taking care of you. Little treats, or special nights out, or even if you need to watch $, just make a playlist of the music you already own that makes you want to cry, or get up and dance. Then listen to that music and do just that
I'm also right there with @Mrs.Someone. Circle + Bloom was a huge help for me in getting my mind into a good place. I feel pretty strongly that the mental aspect of the TTC process played into my success.
eggplant / 11861 posts
@littleredhairedgrl: I am so very sorry for your first IUI outcome!!! I hope that you are doing better!!!
To be honest I just had a failed IUI in September with a chemical pregnancy and I feel that this cycle I am already out....lol and I havent even started Clomid yet.....
I think stayng busy helps......enjoying the life you had before you started TTC with IF..I try really hard to enjoy the weekends off with DH and not let the IF sadness and cost bring us down....it is easier said then done,but I try!!! To be honest again I think I still keep 5-10% of my emotions to myself...it is easier to then to explain it to others, even DH!!!
I hope you are feeling better and maybe ewe can lean on each other for IUI #2!!!!! :))))
persimmon / 1135 posts
@faithfertility thanks for your kind words!
i am starting to feel much more like myself today and pumping myself up for this next iui. (just hate doing these injectables!!)
sorry to hear that your last iui failed why do you think you are already out?
kiwi / 563 posts
I know this is an old post, but wanted to send along words of encouragement, as I'm dealing with the same thing. We're on day 6 of our second IUI cycle and I'm still feeling really sad and anxious since getting our BFN results. We WILL get through this! hugs to you!
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