My daughter turns 5 at the end of the month and is currently in a T-K program. She is set to go to kindergarten this fall but we’re considering holding her back a year so we can hopefully avoid disruption to her first year of formal schooling especially bc if the schools shut down again (and they likely will), I’ll likely be working remotely again while trying to facilitate distance learning (and it’s been hard enough working remotely while having a 4 and 2 year old here but at least there was no formal class work to do too). She’d be on the younger side if she starts kindergarten now but she’d likely be the oldest (or one of) if she starts kindergarten when she’s over 6 years old. Thoughts on pros/cons of making the decision to hold her back? Would it disadvantage her to stay behind another year (she would still have some friends at her TK staying behind and her teacher is great)? I also like the idea of staying with our current community and system during this crazy time rather than starting a new school and trying to meet new teachers and parents (and new friends for my daughter) while we’re stuck on Zoom classes.... Thanks!
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Teacher of 8th grade and mom of 4 year old.
I totally would hold back. I think next year's schooling experience will be rough for most people and I wouldn't want that to be my child's first experience.
Not sure about your state, but here in AZ, even if your child doesn't go to official kindergarten, they can enroll in 1st grade when appropriate. Kindergarten isn't required here.
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I’ve followed so many conversations about this (not specific to pandemic times) because my third is an August baby. It seems like everyone says - if you are leaning that way, do it and hold off. Giving them extra time is rarely regretted. So I’d go with your gut! K is also not required here in TX.
I’m feeling really unhappy about my son starting K in this. I know he’ll be fine in the long run but I can really identify with your reasons. I guess it helps that we already have an older sibling at the school - it would really be hard new.
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I wouldn’t hold back personally (thinking of my own kids). I have a 4 year old who turns 5 in August in a district with a September cut off. She’s ready for K, and all the kids her year are in the same position. Unless there were a concern about readiness based on a teacher recommendation, I wouldn’t do it for my kids in our particular situation—it’s a 12 year schooling process, so even if the first year is wonky, everyone else will be experiencing it too and it won’t matter in the end.
But I have the benefit of having a 1st grader already, and the 4 year old is in public pre-k, and we are somehow able to get most of their school work done while we both work at home and it’s been fine. We even just got a round of report cards (mostly based on work since we’ve been home) and my oldest kiddos grades were great.
I mean, it’s stressful for me personally, as the parent who is working and taking on the lion’s share of the homeschooling, but the kids are alright.
My husband grew up in the midst of a pretty brutal civil war, and he didn’t go to school for almost 2 years of elementary, because schools were being bombed. He experienced quite a bit of trauma in that time period too, (far, far worse than what my own kids are experiencing now) but he semi kept up with his studies on his own—0 help from teachers, just stuff they would do at home like reading, math, playing chess.
When they ended up getting out of there and moving to a new city away from the fighting, he was able to test right back into his grade level with the kids who’d been in school the whole time, and he graduated at the top of his class, on time. I figure, why clip their wings before you know if they can fly, you know? You can always make adjustments later.
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@Anagram: I just wanted to say this is one of the most amazing responses I’ve seen about this topic. Your husband defines resiliency, which I think is such an important trait to foster in our children. I agree with you 100%.
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We’re not going to delay but I might just keep him home and homeschool him if the school year starts virtually. I’ve seen what they are sending home for distance learning and its so much to manage I’d rather just do my own thing and not have to worry about checking in and having someone else in charge of what we do. Kindergarten is mostly about getting used to school and the basics of letters / reading / starting to write / math, which I think we could handle at home even with me working from home. We’re lucky that my job and boss are flexible so I’m 98% sure it wouldn’t be a problem with my boss. The wild card for us is the 2 year old, as its way harder to get anything done with him home. So that might change our plans depending on what daycare looks like.
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And totally agree with @Anagram, it’s going to be a weird year for everyone so their first grade year is going to be about catching everyone up / trying to close the gap between kids who are in very different situations next year.
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I have a 4 year old who will turn 5 this August and could technically start K this fall. We are DEFINITELY holding him back, but that was decided before the pandemic started. He is behind as it is (socially, academically, etc) so he's definitely not ready.
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If I was on the fence already this would make me lean towards holding back. DD2 is a late baby (Oct with Dec 31 cutoff) but is more than ready for K so I will send her. It does make me sad though knowing her first year of school will be so jumbled. And it is her only year in English - once she goes to first grade it switches to 100% French. I would have preferred that she have a full solid year of K before starting that. But oh well - it is what it is unfortunately.
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My 5.5 yo is in SK currently in Ontario, and both years of kinder here are optional and play based. If you delay entry here, you still go the year they would be in (ie: if you don’t start in JK, you enrol in SK not JK) He’s a November birthday and had a major speech delay so started at just under 4 years old. I was so worried about him but he has absolutely thrived and is doing amazing.
I agree that basically everyone’s school year is gonna be screwed up. I would also be concerned in your case that if you start September 2021, the pandemic still might be an issue...we just don’t know and it looks like 1-2 years of strife is going to be the norm. I would hate for the other kids to have been used to things and my kid wouldn’t be. As bad as it seems to be doing zoom classes and whatnot, I’m realistically thinking this is going to be the norm for the next while so might as well get used to it sooner than later. It does suck all around though and no easy decisions for sure.
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@castilrm: I am an August baby so was 6 when kinder started and I think it was one of the reasons I’m successful today!!
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Eh, I think the right answer is totally dependent on your child's personality. My 4 year old (he'll be 5 at the end of July) has always been very go-with-the-flow and socially/academically-inclined (sports are another issue, haha.) He'll for sure be starting kindergarten in the fall, because he'll be able to roll with any changes and I think he'd be bored keeping him out for another year. I'd be more hesitant if LO2 was supposed to enter this year, because he's a lot more dependent on routine - and I have a feeling you're right, it's gonna be a bumpy school year.
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@castilrm: ours is going into JK/TK whatever you call it in your area. (The not quite 5 group.) I won’t hold back based on covid but I will be putting a little more into his education the first year or two at home, which will be an added stressor, but doable for a short time, I hope. (Mainly weekends the first year.) I honestly don’t see how they can keep the schools closed and expect people to go back to work. My husband and I are both “essential” and home school is constantly behind, and between the kids and work we pretty much do nothing else. This is not doable long term.
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I would not hold back simply because of covid concerns. I understand it’s not ideal to start kinder with possible disruptions but everyone is in the same boat.
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I wouldn’t hold back either, for two main reasons. One is that she isn’t that young for her grade overall (my daughter started K at 4–I deeply regretted this when she was in K, but don’t at all anymore because she’d be bored out of her mind otherwise). The other is that for a lot of us schooling at home, we adapt what the school has given us anyway. .
Are you able to find out what format your district uses to deliver education? Ours doesn’t do Zoom classes at all—they just send materials home, and there are a few things on the computer.
I also agree that if you don’t want her to be starting at a new school amid all this, you could just homeschool for a year. Being a full-time working parent who knows nothing about home schooling, I personally appreciate having everything laid out for me so I don’t need to think about it (and adjusting when I think it’s appropriate).
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@castilrm: were you considering holding her before all this? My opinion is obviously influenced by my experience- we held my late July bday girl back before starting K because she needed extra time to mature- she is almost finished with her K year now. I am SO glad she is older and more mature as we navigate this. She’s not go with the flow at all. I already now it was the right choice for her, and now that her kindergarten year was so disrupted I’m even more glad.
If you felt like she’s totally ready but it’s only the pandemic holding you back, I don’t know. But if you were already thinking you might hold her, I definitely would.
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Thanks all for the thoughtful responses! We had thought before about holding her back, not because she isn’t ready (emotionally, academically, socially she’s on track) but because my husband, who is in education, strongly believes that an extra year of play and starting school later (at 6 or closer to 6) develops a better student and academic experience. Obviously this is all dependent on the child in question, but his belief was based on various academic studies that he researched while in grad school and also has proven true is his (high school) classroom - his older students tend to be his best and most mature students. So he’s always liked the idea of holding her back.
Initially I pushed back on the suggestions of holding her back for those reasons because she seems ready for the challenge and spending the additional money on an extra year of private preschool seemed crazy when there was no indication that she wouldn’t do well in kindergarten. My husband eventually agreed and we prepared to enroll her in our local kinder for this fall. We started to explore the possibility of holding her back bc she’s missing out on the TK curriculum while being out of school (they don’t really offer distance learning at this level) and she’s an anxious kid so I was worried that having to start her in a new school after missing so much time with her old school would have a negative impact on her especially if schools shut down shortly after starting in the fall....then she’s missing out on making new friends, connect with her teacher, etc. I’m more concerned about the social development aspect (and setting her up for a love of learning and school) than academics at this point.
Regardless, after all our handwringing, we discovered that even if we made this decision to hold her back, she’d be stuck having to start in first grade rather than kinder, which wouldn’t be the result we want anyway, so we’re scrapping that plan and just forging ahead and hoping for the best for this upcoming year. Fingers crossed!
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@castilrm: Yeah, I was going to say that I totally get why parents would want to do this, but the likely outcome if a lot of people choose this option is that they will just make you go into an age-appropriate grade anyway. A lot of districts that have had issues with high rates of this do this already. I could still see homeschooling this year rather than enrolling if you thought they were going to be doing a lot of distance learning which frankly is not age appropriate, but you or your SO would have to be able to offer that or you would need to hire someone.
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@castilrm: that’s interesting you’re not allowed to choose to hold back yourself - is it a district rule?
My oldest is in 2nd and turned 8 earlier this year, but we are headed to a 9th bday parade for a classmate this week, (and some kids are still 7), so clearly we don’t have that rule!
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@bhbee: yes, rule in our district (although I think it’s a fairly common rule as I’ve heard of it in other areas). You can get special consideration in some circumstances if you can establish child really not ready for the grade, but that’s not a route we’d take. Private schools in our area are more flexible with birthdates but sounds like public schools draw the line.
Unfortunately there’s no way we’re able to homeschooling so I think we’ll do the best we can with the academic year and any distance learning challenges, and if we need to do a tutor to assist with some skills next summer, we’ll suck it up and do that then.
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This comment has been deleted by the original poster.
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Reading through this thread now as we are debating holding DD back a year and delaying kindergarten. She turns 5 this week and the cut off here is 8/31. We weren’t considering this before Covid but now that our county has announced school will be 100% virtual through January (at least), I just can’t imagine her starting school this way. Anyone else in the same boat?
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@LBarn: I feel the same way as you do. My DD turned 4 in March and is supposed to start Junior Kindergarten in September. We’re in Ontario, Canada, and K is a two year, full day program (not mandatory). We don’t know yet what school will look like in September, but I don’t see how schools can open normally/fully/safely, so I don’t plan to send her. Plan B is to send her back to her preschool 4 afternoons per week, but even that isn’t for sure yet as they haven’t announced whether they are reopening yet either.
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@MLE81: I’m also in Ontario and my son is going into grade 1, whatever that looks like...I can say after doing SK virtual learning this past spring with the closures, if I was starting JK for my kid this year I would highly consider keeping him in his daycare or preschool for another year. I usually side eye those that skip JK as it’s not common here to do so, but this year is different. I don’t believe play based learning can be done effectively in a virtual setting for kinder after our experience. It was highly variable between schools, even in the same school boards. Friends of ours are in the French board (we are English) and had a very different experience to us and their teachers were very engaged and interactive, so maybe not all bad but I’d still be tempted to stick to preschool. Good luck with your decision, it’s not easy.
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@LBarn: I honestly do not know what to do. Right now our district is planning on having an in-person option of some kind and a fully remote option. DS just turned 5 in June so holding him back for a year wouldn't be unusual but in my opinion is he SO ready for kindergarten. I feel like if I hold him back for a year he will be really bored when he ends up going. Plus if he doesn't go I don't have a pre-school option for him. I could probably find one, but ugh. I just don't know. It's really hard.
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@LadyDi: I also worry about my daughter being bored if we hold her back. Apparently here (in MD) it’s possible to just skip kindergarten, which I need to look into. Not sure if this is an option in other states.
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@LBarn: it is in Texas also. K is not required and you can just register for 1st grade (the rule is they must go to school after the school year in which they turn 6, so many kids who are redshirted enter K then but you can also skip to 1st). There are also very few homeschool regulations here. So my backup plan if virtual is awful is to just homeschool however I feel like it for just this year.
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My DD turned 5 end of June and was so excited to start K at the “big school” this fall. We also live in a state where kinder is not required so made the difficult decision to keep her at her pre k. They don’t usually even run a “5K/kinder” program but enough parents asked for it so they are moving some 4s around. The teacher (who we had last year) has assured me that her goal is to get them ready for 1st not kinder again and that was my concern for keeping her back. She will also stay in the same school as her little sister so I felt like that basically halved our exposure. I know it’s a small thing but the PTO of the “big school” has been delivering yard signs for all the kindergartens so we walk/drive by those several times a day so can’t help feeling a little left out!
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@rpparker: we’re hoping to send DD back to her preschool, which is also where her little brother is. The Director wasn’t sure they could accommodate her since they also typically don’t run a program for 5s but she’s researching it. She has also been so excited about starting kindergarten and we haven’t told her yet...
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@LBarn: So sad! We had to keep telling her it’s still kinder (not entirely true) and that she will still go to her big school just not this year.
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We had already made the decision to delay kindergarten a year as my DS turns 5 next week, just a month before the cut off. He has done Pre-K Prep this past year and will move to Pre-K next week. I'm hoping we are in a much different place by next fall but if not his school is already exploring a private kindergarten option.
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@castilrm: I would not send her, especially if she's on the young side. I am a public school teacher and am appalled at what they make kindergartners do- 5 year olds (especially boys) are not developmentally ready for the demands of modern K. You can research all the support for delaying kindergarten. It's really fascinating! I know it is so disappointing but you want her to have positive memories of her early schooling. In my area (very low infection rate), they will be stationary, wearing masks, no touching, I don't know about playgrounds. Not only is it not appropriate for a 5 year old, but could be detrimental to their social wellbeing.
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I’m torn between homeschooling for K or sending him back to daycare for another pre k year but supplementing enough at home that he could just start first grade next year. Our districts plan is a bananas amount of time on Zoom and the computer even for K, and as a working parent managing the remote days in our hybrid model would take up my entire day. He is going to have so many feelings either way because he’s been dreaming of K in big kid school for so long!
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Agree 100% @pachamama: I would not send to K. So much of it is just not developmentally appropriate. I have a lot of regrets about sending my eldest. (For my second we kept him in a private program that was much better).
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