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Yes, you are definitely going to be losing your mind, haha.

One of the best things we did was keep our oldest in daycare full-time. It was crucial to me to have the majority of the day to just focus on caring for the newborn and myself. The evenings when both were home were so challenging.

I'd line up some help to help keep your oldest entertained as much as possible!

Keep your big one in daycare!! I sah so LO1 is not in daycare or anything. The first week or two after LO2 was born DH was home plus his family was around for Christmas, and I've pretty much been on my own with the two of them since. Baby is 3 months old and I'm still losing my mind. I really wish my older one was in some sort of part time care but there weren't really many options around here. It's freaking hard. Especially the first few weeks but it's still not easy.

So yeah I'd say I need more help now. And have less.

@runnerd: How far apart will your LOs be?

What are your DH's hours? I had both kids at home and he returned to work at 2.5 weeks (LO2 was born Thursday so DH didn't work either Thurs or Fri and the following 2 weeks). I thought my mom was going to come help me and she came for 1 day. No lie, it was hard but we got through it. So just my opinion, it is possible but take extra help if you can get it!

Agree with ^ to keep DS1 in daycare at least part time, if possible. My toddler wanted to be held. The baby was clingy and needed to eat round the clock. My mom was here for a whole month and it was still hard.

@runnerd: I do think FF will make it more doable, although I don't have any experience with it. If DS1 is interested, he could help feed the baby. But I suspect he'll only be interested in it once or twice, and you're going to be feeding every 2-3 hours, which will just be time you can't dedicate to your older one. Plus he's going to be acting out a lot more due to the change of having a baby at home. The easiest times for me were the weekends when we had visitors over who could entertain Xander while Hubs and I focused on the baby.

I needed more help. Then again, I had a (repeat) csection. DS1 was 2.5 and had a hard time not jumping, hugging, and climbing all over me all the time.

DH was home for a looooong time with DS1 (he was laid off). While it was financially (and emotionally) much harder, it ended up being an amazing bonding experience for all of us.

With DS2, DH was home for a week. My mom helped out during the day, and DH helped at night. It was hard. It's still hard and DS2 is now 8m lol.

It was all I could do each day to make it alone with both kids from 4-6:30 after I picked up the older one from day care until my husband got home. Of course the only time of day I had them both was the baby's witching hour but ugh, the juggling was HARD. I'm sooooo glad we kept older LO is day care full time.

ETA: I also felt like my younger LO "deserved" to have me one on one during maternity leave just like my older LO did. I know that might sound silly, and obviously we would have survived if older LO was home, but I was happy I got to give that undivided attention to LO2.

@runnerd: I think the hours + FF will be a pretty big help! When are you due? Because if you're able to just like sit outside and let LO1 run around and play while you feed the baby or he or she is napping, etc. It will also make things a bit easier for you. And if your DH can help with either baby or LO1 (or both) while getting ready for work so you can sleep just a few minutes more...huge bonus!
I do think the hardest part for us was LO1 getting so bored while LO2 nursed all the time and he ended up with way too much tv time. Otherwise, taking care of a baby the second time around will make you wonder why it seemed so difficult the first time.

I would at least give yourself a few weeks to a month after LO2 arrives before pulling your older one out of daycare. Those first few weeks are really hard, both emotionally and physically.

With DD1, I hardly had any help. DH was home with me for 4 days, and his parents came that very first weekend. Then no one until my mom came for a week three weeks later. Physically I felt fine, but emotionally I was all over the place, and looking back, I wished I had had more consistent "help" for the first month, even if it was just for company/emotional support/my sanity.

So with DD2, knowing that DH would potentially have no time home with me, we asked my mom to come stay with us for 5 weeks. The duration was because DD2 was due at Thanksgiving, and my parents planned to come visit us at Christmas anyways. So I just had my mom come to watch DD1 for the birth and then she stayed through the holidays. My mental PP recovery was SO much easier! Because of the holidays, we had at least my mom (and sometimes both sets of parents) for that whole 5 weeks so they could, at a minimum keep me company & help with DD2, but mostly they spent time entertaining DD1 and lavishing her with attention -- taking her to the park, playing with her in the basement playroom, etc. She also continued going to her 3 day/week preschool so that she had that consistency.

I would say you should do *at least* one: either keep LO1 in her daycare routine or have someone come to help & entertain her. That way you have at least some time to focus on yourself...otherwise you'll be pretty swamped between the baby and the older one.

I'm going to be honest. DS1 is 2.5, DS2 is 6 weeks. DS1 has been in daycare full-time. The weekends are so chaotic and that is very hard for me because I have sensory issues. DS2 has been way easier, I know what I'm doing, and all in all he's an easier baby. DS1 is handling it amazingly well but he's like a loud little tornado. With DS1 I turned not almost all help. With DS2 my mom came 4 times, for 3-4 days each already. It was so helpful.

@runnerd: I needed/wanted about the same amount of help. I needed less help with the baby--because I'd done it before and because she was mostly an easier baby. But I needed some help juggling having both girls.

I did not keep my older LO in daycare full time, for the same reasons you stated--I was off work from June-December, so we saved almost $10,000 keeping her home with me during that time.

I definitely had some hard moments--but overall, having them both was more managable than I expected. LO2 was a more typical newborn and slept a good amount. And LO1 was still taking a good 2-3 hour nap a day, so those periods gave me quite a bit of time to spend with the other kid.

On top of that, I used my husband's drop off care credits through work to put LO1 in Bright Horizons on Wednesdays so I could attend a new mom's support group and get BFing support. I usually dropped her at 9, was at group and lunch from 10:30-3, and picked her up at 4.

If it's possible, maybe put a small amount of the money you are saving from daycare payments and put it toward a babysitter/mother's helper to come to your house a few hours a week. Even 10 hours a week (2 5-hour increments, or 3 3-hour increments) would give you time to nap, run errands, take one kid somewhere solo, etc.

Truly, staying at home with my two girls during my mat leave was easier than my life has been since I've been back at work. It was summer, so we had a lot of lazy days hanging out at the park, going to splash pads, going for walks. It was really nice.

And also--my LO2 was on a really set schedule with eating back then--no more than every 3 hours (I bf), so that was fairly predictable and I wasn't just nursing her all day long (at least till the night during her witching hour--but by then my husband was home).

My husband also traveled out of town a few times on my mat leave, and although every time I was terrified of overnights alone (my big girl still doesn't sttn), every time it was better than I expected.

So, there's some positivity if you were looking for it!

I kept DD1 in daycare. I think if I were used to her being home, it would have been easier but I already can't entertain a 3 year old all day. I had 2 C-sections and very bad recoveries both times, so I would say I needed equal help, but felt more confident the second time around so I would think if you have a "normal" delivery you should be okay. DH stayed home 2 weeks with DD1 and 1 with DD2.

I didn't need help, per se. But it was definitely easier the two or three times we had someone watch our oldest.

I mean, try it out! Daycare is going to hold your spot anyway, so if you end up losing your mind, you can just put him back full-time early, no? I'm due with #2 in May and our current plan is to leave DS1 in daycare because he was THE WORST COLICKY REFLUX BABY EVERRRR and a holy terror for a solid 4-5 months. If I had to deal with that a second time with a 20 month old toddler under foot, I would legit lose my marbles.

However, we're supposed to move DS1 to a 2's program at a preschool in the fall. They've got various time slots and options (3, 4, 5 days a week, for 4, 6, or 8 hours a day), so we're leaving that situation open-ended until we know what kind of baby DS2 is, how DS1 is handling life, etc before we commit to a certain schedule.

I've only had two kiddos slightly less than three weeks and hubby was home for almost two. My mom has spring break this week and has been helping me for parts of the day.

I've had a couple days alone with both boys, we even managed a Target trip the three of us. As a sahm I don't have the option of daycare for my older son. But I still think it's doable. We will still go to classes and and play dates and I'll take a second time mama class with just ds2, and DH will work from home to watch ds1.

I'm grateful the weather is getting warmer because going on walks and spending time outside will be crucial for my sanity. There will be extra tv time but ds1 is still very active.

The worst part of the day is after ds1's super short nap (he barely passes the hour mark), he wakes up crabby and they both can be crying. Not pleasant.

But babies don't keep, and I know they will be playing with each other before I know it! One day at a time! You can do it girl! Do you know what you're having?

@runnerd: That sounds like a great plan. It should really help you to get the hang of things the first month and daycare days after that will feel like an amazing break. Plus awesome to get alone time with the baby!
I was just thinking for us it really helped for me to have some scheduled alone time with LO1 during the weekends. We are not as good about it now and I really miss it.