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LO's daycare provider at the time was really sad when we started supplementing with formula (when he was about 7 months old... I thought we'd done pretty well to keep him exclusively breastmilk-fed till then!)

Yes. Yes. Yes. I think the "breast is best" push is alientating moms who FF. I think EBF moms can be very pushy in situations where the mom is wanting to quit (yeah, sometimes breast is NOT best.) I think that the culture of parenting nowadays is very self-righteous and ridiculous about the issue. These are generalizations, obviously, but things I have seen and experienced personally.

There is absolutely a stigma, both online and in real life. And yes, even on HB.

Why? I think that it's a touchy subject. Breastfeeding is so personal that people's opinions are very polarizing.

I feel the same way you do. Online, I feel like there is a huge stigma against formula feeding. I can't look up a single thing just to get advice without people continually saying that you need to just suck it up and breastfeed because that's what's best, even if you aren't happy.

But in real life, not so much. I'm the only person I know who's actually breastfed longer than a couple of weeks. And everyone actually does ask a lot why we don't just use formula. We've been told by multiple people that formula would just be easier and better if we're having even the smallest issue. I don't push it on people at all, but there have been scenarios where we've said absolutely nothing and someone will get really defensive about using formula so I think others feel the stigma too.

@meredithNYC: I agree that it's probably regional.

My area is pretty crunchy and rural, so most people breastfeed. I've definitely gotten negative comments about formula feeding, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. With my first, I had a lot of guilt about not breastfeeding, so friends/family/strangers commenting about formula feeding really bothered me. Once I worked through that guilt and became more comfortable with my choice, it didn't bother me as much. Now with #2, I care a lot less when people react to me formula feeding.

I think part of the stigma of formula feeding comes from the popular phrase, "Breast is best." It implies that any choice other than breastfeeding is sub-par, or that the mother who does not breastfeed is willing to sacrifice her child's best interests for her own comfort/convenience/etc... Parenting is often about sacrificing (your wants, needs, body) for your child. Often there is a mistaken idea that formula feeding shuns the responsibility of sacrificing for your child or that formula feeders are more concerned about themselves than their children. Of course, we (on HB) know that's not true, but it's the sentiment I've heard a lot, as a formula feeding momma.

Formula feeding is definitely the norm & more accepted in most places here, but can get flack in the initial transition from breastfeeding to formula feeding.

I get "You're still breastfeedinh?!" quite a bit still & DD is only 6 mths. It's like yea... she would still need formula so why wouldn't I continue bfing.?..

I formula fed DS and that was REALLY great for everyone, never got any remarks about someone else not being able to feed him, why he wasn't sleeping through the night, or anything like that.

Still though I'm pretty anti-formula these days.... not real sure when it happened but somewhere along the line I revolted against pharmaceutical companies and the norms associated with pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. lol

I don't know if there is a stigma either way in my area, but I do know that 99% of the moms I know EBF. I heavily supplement with formula but I suppose the reason I'm STILL trying to up my supply after almost 5 months is probably somewhat associated with the fact that BFing is the 'norm' here! Also, i love it, even though he only gets like 1.5 oz of BM each time.

Yes, I think there is a stigma to it now. My hospital really pushes breast feeding, and in our Childbirth class they had us go around the room and state whether we were planning on breastfeeding or formula feeding and only one couple said they were planning on formula feeding.

I def agree that online parenting communities don't represent what I see IRL. While I have heard a few negative comments about formula feeding IRL the majority of people I know supplemented with formula at some point. I've heard way more comments about extended bf, but I may be more sensitive to those so notice them more. But in general I've been pleasantly surprised at how discussions of feeding haven't been the hot contentious topic IRL that they are in internet world.

I think a lot of it has to do with the 'cyber wall' that people hide behind. Maybe in person someone might not be as open with their opinion (or pushing it on other Moms) as they would be online.

Either way, I am always so surprised to see how many "well-meaning" moms can be such bullies on these communities.. Luckily, NOT on HB!

I do see it here. I see it IRL.

In my community, and probably regional (midwest), EBF is best. However extended BF is not.

When I lived in NY there were a lot more FF babies.

I also think it's generational - the older generation still seems to be FF and the current generation is more BF.

This is an interesting discussion.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: Your comment to stargal about pushing BFing when it's NOT what's best... I see that all the time. That's what I meant about EBF moms being pushy. I live in an area where EBF is HIGHLY the norm and you are shunned for not doing it. I feel like the term "breastfeeding nazi" was coined by someone who met the local breastfeeding group on my base. They're awful.

I agree that the phrase "breast is best" is a large, large part of the issue. Like @Honeybee: said. It carries the implication that any other choice is substandard, that you are less of a mom, etc. I think that's why so many women who aren't able to BF carry such a weight of guilt. I was told at 6 weeks postpartum, by a member of HB, that "everyone can breastfeed". Nope, sorry... not true.

I've seen EBF moms talk about being stigmatized about different issues and, to be honest, it's nothing in comparison. I had someone tell me I was poisoning my child once. I'd take someone telling me to cover up my boob in public over someone implying that I am knowingly harming my child.

I feel like formula feeding is completely fine in my area. I was just talking to a potential doula yesterday and she said that most people where I live don't breastfeed.

@zippylef: ooooo I was so mad for you that day!!!!

@rainbowsprinkles: thanks! its more of a mental thing i guess, i know that its better for both mine and his wellbeing that im happy. its just hard to accept that it didnt work for us also think as a ebf momma you started this thread is great! you seem very open-minded which is awesome.

@zippyleaf: thanks! im trying to not feel like one, ive gotten alot better since we first started with the guilt but it still does bother me.
and i cant beleive someone would say you were posioning your daughter!?!?! omg. what a jerk!
@honeybee: thanks for you kind words, i know in the long scheme of things it wont really make a dffernece if he was breastfed or not, its just hard.

Yeah, I feel like there is a stigma (even a subtle one on HB) against formula feeding and in my area (Boston). I tried BF from the breast and went to pumping at 6 weeks because my LO was small, I was stressed about how much milk he was getting, and we couldn't get into a good BF groove. Even when I bottle fed pumped milk I felt like people judged me when I whipped out a bottle. At 4.5 months we switched to special formula because my son actually had MSPI and after over 2 months of cutting dairy from my diet, I couldn't do it anymore. He's 5 months now and is totally formula fed (special formula) and I feel like I have to explain to people why he is formula fed or I have to justify it. Or that people think I'm selfish for not doing an elimination diet for him. I know part of it is my own guilt because I suppose I could have kept up with dietary restrictions and kept pumping. But pumping is a major pain and I was miserable on the no dairy diet.

I completely felt bad about FF in the beginning. Until I went to a party at my in-laws and one of his aunt's totally made me feel better about it. It was such a random act of kindness (and totally unexpected) that I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and cried! I was just so touched. Since then, I could care less what ppl think. I'm tired of feeling like a leper for doing what I can to feed my baby!

Depends on your circle. Most moms I know have BF a try then gave up. My mom loves to tell me to give formula so that m will sleep better at night! There's no concrete backing on that theory!

That said we do supplement bc I don't have enough of a supply for her. But I plan to go as long as I can and right now my goal is a year. If I can keep the same output till she's one I'll be very happy! I think ppl are a little surprised to hear that I plan to go past '6 months. It seems to be a common stopping point probably bc it coincides with solids.

I mean, breastfeeding the healthiest choice for baby and mother, so it's easy to see why it's the default and most supported choice. It's also some of the hardest work I've ever done, so I wish that there was less stigma against people who choose not to do it. I really understand why people do. I wish the entire act of feeding your child was less political - I wish women had more support and help to breastfeed, and then I wish there was less judgement about formula feeding.