Hellobee Boards

I find the mentality of "my body, my choice" to be very interesting. Yes, it absolutely is the mother's body. But it's also the baby's nutrition. And the baby belongs to both parents. I don't think a dad shouldn't get a vote in how his baby is fed just because he's not physically capable of breastfeeding.

I definitely think the dad should have a say/his opinion should matter, but I don't think it should matter more than the mom's.DH definitely is in favor of EBFing and is totally fine with me continuing to nurse now at 16 months; I think he'd be fine with it til 2, or maybe even beyond? I think just getting to 1 was important to him, as it was to me, so anything beyond that he doesn't have much of an opinion on.

@MamaMoose: wow! she was a total boobaholic right? So was it easier than you thought?

@MamaMoose: but I think BECAUSE the responsibility falls on the mom, it is unfair for the dad to make the decision for them. I do agree that his opinion should be considered, all other things being equal (i.e. there are no extenuating circumstances that make breastfeeding or formula feeding difficult or impossible).

@MamaMoose: Exactly, agree w/you 150%.

We discussed BF-ing like we did any other parenting issue and made a decision together, taking into account all the different factors and issues involved.

In the early days, I was having a really hard BF-ing (mastitis 3X, thrush for 6 weeks, constant bleeding/sore/cracked nipples). He has always expressed his wishes that I BF until age 1, because that's what he thought was better for LO, but we talked about everything together and I told him I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on. We decided that if things didn't get better by X day, we would switch over to formula. Thankfully, it got a million times better after 6 weeks and I managed to EBF and BF until she was almost 2.

We discussed when we would start the weaning process. He preferred that we wean by age 2, whereas I wanted to let LO decide when to stop. Again, we discussed the issue together and talked everything over, and decided jointly that the best decision for us was to let LO decide when she was done. That ended up being right before she turned 2.

I definitely don't see this as "my body, my decision." It might be *my* body, but it's *our* child and like any other decision we make about her, we make it *together*, taking into account each other's opinions, beliefs, and feelings. I would be so hurt if there was something only *he* could provide to our child, and he told me I had absolutely no say in the matter because it didn't physically involve my body. All (major) decisions are made together, after deliberation and open communication. I find that's what works the best for our family.

@pinkcupcake: @locavore_mama: completely agree - our child and therefore we make decisions together. Obviously I didn't marry someone who was going to be a dictator and demand I BF or not BF...we discussed it and agreed we both wanted that for our baby and did our best to make it happen. When I had trouble with my milk coming in he went out and bought the pump I wanted, a new BF pillow even though we had one already, ordered boxes of mothers milk tea and would make it for me...he got my pump ready after each feeding and cleaned pump parts bc it's what we both wanted. Weaning was a nonissue for us bc LO was pretty much ready on her own at 14 months. But we talked about that process to make sure we were on the same page

DH's opinion matters, but I have final say. Why? Because breastfeeding falls 100% on me. There's nothing he can do outside of support me. It's not like other parenting decisions where we are both equally involved, or even if there's a split 70/30 involvement. Nope, it's 100% on me, and for us, DH sees that and ultimately was willing to go with what I wanted. If I wanted to wean early, nurse longer, not pump, whatever. His opinion definitely mattered, but he would support me in whatever decision i wanted. I equate breastfeeding to labor - sure, it's OUR baby but she's getting pushed out of ME. I know my body best for what I could handle, and I knew I wanted a medicated birth. DH was supportive of whatever I wanted and he would have never said oh, you have to go med-free. It's not up to him and he recognized that.

My dh could care less! He just wanted what was easiest and best for me.

@MamaMoose: I agree 100% with @Smurfette: regarding the mom has a little more say because she's the one putting in the "work". Especially in terms of whether to CONTINUE breastfeeding or not.

When Xander was 6 weeks, I was having a really tough time breastfeeding. To the point where I would cry every time I had to feed him and basically hated being a mother. I wanted to quit, so much so that I went out a bought some formula to have on hand. When my husband came home from work after a particularly difficult day for me, I told him my concerns and basically sobbed to him about how hard it was and how I didn't think I could keep going.

My husband, a normally very easy-going and supportive guy, had had "breast is best" so ingrained in him, that he completely turned on me. He told me I was selfish for even considering stopping breastfeeding and that I needed to continue for the benefit of our son, regardless of the consequences to my own physical, mental, or emotional well-being.

I'm curious what you (advocates of the dad having equal say) think should be the outcome of such circumstances. In a situation where someone must "win" and someone must "lose" (as in, someone is very pro-breastfeeding and the other wants to quit), how do you "compromise" when someone will get their way and the other won't? And why shouldn't it be the person who's being physically (and mentally and emotionally) affected by the act be the one who gets to make the final decision?

@yerpie110: well said. In my case, his opinion matters, I guess... but really only because his opinion is premised on the idea that it's up to me. He knows that I understand the costs and the benefits of breast-feeding, and trusts me to make decisions that are best for both baby and myself (and, perhaps to a lesser extent, our family as a whole). He knows that I will weigh those things against one another and choose accordingly. But it really isn't up to him, much like labor or my staying at home.

DH is very supportive of breastfeeding. We discussed it and originally we said age 1 but LO is almost 2 and she still nurses at night. He has expressed to me that he would've liked me to wean a little earlier but I told him that if he wants me to then he needs to handle night time and that was that! Haha. I listen to his input, but ultimately on this I have the final say.

@locavore_mama: I do agree with that if my DH felt super strong about me continuing to BF, then I would have had thought about it more. But luckily for me he was fine with formula and told me that it was 100% my choice.

@locavore_mama: but supplementing can be a slippery slope that can sometimes (not always!) lead to a mom losing her supply...or at least decreasing it.

I think if supplementation is introduced because the mom doesn't really want to bf but the dad wants her to, that just seems unfair...why should she have to do anything with her body that she doesn't want to, you know? It's one thing if the child is harmed by her decision, but obviously formula is not harmful at all! Ultimately it's going to be the mom who puts in 99% of the actual work of breast feeding, just because of the nature of breastfeeding, so I think it's fair that her opinion counts more (although again, I think DH's opinion should be understood and considered!).

@hilsy85: It totally was! I basically just started refusing to nurse at night. I also wouldn't pick her up at night. But I didn't make her cry by herself. I sat her in room and sang to her and patted her bum, etc. We had two REALLY awful nights and then that was it. She learned that it wasn't happening during the night any more. For another week after that I would nurse her at bed time, but her down awake, sing/pat for 10-15 until she was asleep, and then she would sleep all night. So at the beginning of this week hubs took over bed time. No boob, no bottle, just in the crib awake. She goes to sleep even faster for him and doesn't even cry for me!

When we were still TTC D didn't think I should BF at all! At that point, I DID say "my body, my choice", but he came around fiercely by the time I was pregnant (in help from an old LC friend of his, as well as lots of discussions of the benefits).

As for weaning, he wanted me to wean by 2, but if E wasn't ready and I wasn't ready he would have gone along with it. E's nutrition and my feelings on the matter carried a greater weight to *him*, although I definitely would have given his feelings a great consideration.

@hilsy85: Is it weird that I want to take a bunch of cold medicine just because I can???

@MamaMoose: Oh I love reading about how relatively easy it was for you. My M is a total boobaholic, too, and I am already worried about weaning. Glad it went well for y'all.

My husband is super supportive of breastfeeding, and actually kept me from quitting in the early days when it was really hard. Not that he forced me to keep at it, but he was the encouragement I needed. He's left the decision of when to wean after age 1 up to me - he truly doesn't have an opinion either way.

DH pretty much just respects what I'd like to do because its my body, time, and energy. So he has a say, but he would ultimately respect whatever my decisions were about the bf'ing timeline for LO.

We discussed it before she was born and agreed that I'd offer it to her until age 2, but after that never refuse if she asks. We both believe in self weaning.

If I chose to wean her at two though, he'd probably try to talk me out of it but in the end he'd be okay with it.