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We talked about it, and we both agreed that my goal is to try. He wants what's best for our baby, but he's also a huge advocate for my mental health. If and when we get to a point where BF (or my lack of being able to do it "well," whatever that means) negatively affects how I view myself as a mother and as a person, I am 100% sure that he will step in and advocate for us to reconsider how we can make the situation better for all of us.

Neither of us were BF exclusively, so he is not tied to that. He knows that it is important for me to try, but he (and I) also know that I am often *way* too hard on myself. Breastfeeding is supposed to nurture a family, not harm it. If my efforts to do it affect my mental health and start harming me, and therefore us, I'm glad to know that I can count on him to help me make the best decision we can as a family.

@LovelyPlum: ditto to all of that. I did have severe ppd with our first and so far only child and it played a huge role, in addition to physical problems, in stopping bf.

Of course dh has a say! That doesn't mean he has the only say, and it certainly doesn't make me feel controlled. I suppose in the end dh has more of a say I he wanted me to stop than start, because starting/bf'ing requires my presence all the time whereas stopping is something he could assist with by soothing or bottle feeding depending on the age of a future bf child.

We didn't really talk about it because we both assumed that I would BF...then when I decided I wanted to wean after 4mths he was really supportive. I don't think he'd have had any issues if I wanted to BF for longer than 6mths/1yr though.

Dh was super supportive about how I chose to feed lo, he knew I wanted to try breastfeeding but we didn't know how it would go. I had some issues when lo was cluster-feeding (didn't understand what cluster-feeding was and freaked that I had no supply) and I cried to dh that I couldn't do it anymore, he calmed me down and suggested I try for another day and see how it goes. He never suggested weaning at any point and we made it to 13 months. So it was all my decision but he was supportive of whatever I decided.

He was happy that LO was getting breast fed, other than that he was happy with whatever made me happy.

Nope! I told him my goal was a year and he was like, "cool!" And then I made it a year of combo feeding and we were both pretty darn proud of me!

i asked DH what he thought after reading through this thread and he said, whatever i wanted. i asked if that meant going to 5 years old and he said yes... and then took it back and said not that long because he wanted me boobs to himself at some point! ha.

it was a given that i would at least try to BF and i had a goal of 1 year and i was open to longer. DH must have been on the same page as he never expressed concern and doesn't bat an eye that i'm still BFing at 13.5 months. at this point, i am thinking of weaning somewhere around 18 months.

He was definitely on board with BF up to a year. Past a year, he's been telling me to quit, because he thinks she isn't getting enough. But we give her hemp milk during the day (along with tons of solids) so I think she's fine. He wants me to be done with pumping though. He is so over washing the pump parts!!!

Nope. I'd hear his opinion, but that's about it. I know so many women who quit nursing earlier than they wanted just because their husband wanted them to. I would never! Thankfully we're on the same page about it, so it isn't even an issue.

If it was a matter of my wanting to quit early, I'd give his opinion more weight, just because of there cost involved with formula. But even then he'd just want me to be happy.

We're on the same page with it, mostly because formula is expensive and I SAH. But DH does have a say in all parenting desicions.

@cyan: I think this will be my DH as well!

@birdofafeather: that's great

He supports whatever I choose. When I struggled with BFing at the beginning he made it very clear that he would be 100% okay with switching to formula, but he in no way pushed FF over BF, or vice versa. He says it's my body, my choice and that he will support whatever I choose unconditionally.

Great thread. We're not at this stage yet (#1 is still in utero) but my instinct is that it's a joint decision, with opinions heavily weighted by motive. Like, if either person's opinion is motivated primarily by self-interest (Dad's jealous of the time/breast-sharing or Mom's over the hassle of pumping at work; or on the other end, either parent is addicted to the feeling of baby being young and dependent and doesn't want to let them to wean) the baby's best interest should be discerned and considered very carefully before making any big decision. In the case of a disagreement, baby should win. I think that's what we signed up for when we conceived!

@anandam: It's kind of impossible to "not let the baby wean". When he's done, he just won't nurse! I agree though that baby's best interest should be of utmost importance.