DH and I have been trying for 9mo. I know that 9mo is not exactly a long time compared to most women who are labeled as "infertile" but...to me, it feels like it has been a long time. ALL of my friends are getting pregnant like it is an "easy A" and I feel like im on the bleachers, waiting my turn. I keep comparing myself to all of them. I am a teacher for heavens sake!! Not a banker, not an hourly employee, not a college dropout...it makes me feel MISERABLE comparing myself to others who have been longtime friends. I am to the point where I feel anti-social. Thats not me at all!!! Finally, DH and my mom spoke up as to how worried they've been. I finally went to see a Psychologist yesterday. Long story long...the guy was a total jerk, I was absolutely in hysterics for 10min in the parking lot...sitting in my car. I know the thing that I want...the ONLY thing that I want is just impossible just to get when I want it. Its not like all I need to do, is go to the grocery store and pick out a baby in the "fresh produce" isle. Its been a really really rough past 3mo. My doctor is extremely positive that my DH and I are able to conceive. My DH is the most wonderful and supportive man. Its just impossible for me to convey these types of emotions to him. I know he tries, but the last thing I want to do is stress him out. One of us is there already. We dont need another one. My doctor put me on 50mg of Clomid. I am in my ovulation today with my 2nd round of Clomid. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed, motivationless, and all around blue. Any psychics out there who can tell me their positive in things working out?!? 
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First of all, I'm sorry you are going through this and feeling so down. I think you will find a lot of women in this community can identify with you whole-heartedly. Second, I'm sorry you saw a less-than-sympathetic psychologist. I work for a mental health clinic as my second job and I know the extreme importance for people to feel safe in that setting, something he obviously didn't make you feel. I would encourage you to try again with another provider, maybe a licensed clinical social worker or mental health therapist? I just don't want you to feel like they are all like that because they are definitely not.
On another note, the Clomid may be just the thing for you to get KU. Has your husband done a SA? Are you following the Sperm Meets Egg Plan (SMEP)? Just trying to gain some insight into your situation. You're not alone, we're all here to rally around you.
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Husband went in to get tested right before Halloween. Everything looked great...except for the shape. He was 1% lower than what he should have been at. The doctor told him that it might have just been an off day and to get retested in 30-60days. He just went in on Monday for re testing and we have yet to hear back. I have been doing the OPK and SMEP is something that DH is just not interested in doing. I can see his point in why he wouldn't want to. Its a lot of pressure to just "get it on" when you find your temperature is +1 degree. I appreciate you writing back so quickly. This was my very first post. I have emailed a few counselors and one got back to me right away. Her picture looked promising
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I completely know how you feel, I was there about a year ago. My first step was to see an acupuncturist who specialized in fertility, since I wasn't ready for any "big guns" yet. My road was much longer than that, but it was at the acupuncturist that I finally got some hope. Good luck to you, you're not alone!
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@newatthis: Glad you are already in contact with other providers already! So many people get discouraged and give up, you're awesome for getting back up so quickly. I hope your DH's results come back well and your Clomid makes you O strong! Keep us updated!
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@newatthis: you are in good company here, we are all very supportive and glad to have you.
Do you mind me asking what tests etc you have had?
I also noticed you said something about your temp rising. I'm sure you know this and it's just a misunderstanding but once your tem rises you have already ovulated and it is too late. Get lots of it in before
Why don't you join our POAS thread and 6 month ttc board? -
@newatthis: I also wanted to add that there is a great thread on here for the December Pee on a Stick group with a lot of ladies in your situation. I will be starting up the January POAS thread in a couple of days. You should check us out!
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@snowdrop I dont mind at all. Infact, thats why I joined Hellobee because all of you are so open and honest and positive with each other. So, im horrible at the acronyms and remembering what each test is called. I have only had the test where they check for PCOS or see if you have any cysts in your ovaries that might be affecting your follicles. Everything turned out A okay. If the Clomid does not work out in our favor after my next round (round 3), I will need to go in and check if my tubes are blocked by doing that dye test. I will join that thread btw. I had no idea that was there!
@mrs.panda, Thank you for all of your words of wisdom. It makes me feel tons better knowing that im not alone. As much as I love and adore my DH, its nice talking to women in a similar situation. -
@mrs.someone, I have read a little about women going to an acupuncterist. My OBGYN even said he can not argue with thousand year old medicine. Its for sure on my list before doing SMEP.
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@newatthis: maybe you could ask them to test your prolactin levels. Mine are slightly high and so I was researching about it and came across lots of examples where women have had failed clomid and even IVF cycles before it was discovered that that was the problem.
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@snowdrop, thank you! Thats great advice. I will call on Monday to see if they have tested that already and im just not remembering.
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@newatthis: I, like so many other women here, have been in your shoes. I definitely could have written this same post 2 years ago. It took me over a year to get pregnant, a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, watching countless friends get pregnant and give birth in that time we were TTC, multiple months of progesterone supplements, a failed IUI and 2 rounds of clomid.
It is so so so tough. It is life consuming and made me feel like a failure as a woman. I just didn't understand what I was doing wrong. Well it wasn't anything. We took a break from TTC, skipped my second IUI and went to Paris. We got pregnant while in Paris and I now have a 14 month old perfect little girl sleeping upstairs. It will happen for you. -
@tidybee, I will tell my DH to book the flight to Paris today! Ha ha
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I think you're describing very common emotions about IF. It took us 9 cycles and only because I was super-aggressive about treatments. I felt like it took forever, I understand your frustration and impatience. I had the dye test (HSG) and it wasn't too terrible.
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@newatthis: I can relate to feeling antisocial at times. All my friends got pregnant in one try or without trying at all which can be difficult. Especially because the TTC journey can feel like it moves along so slow since so much leads up to a short window of being fertile, followed by a long TWW where your friends pregnancies seem to fly by as every week is a huge milestone. My best advice is do what helps you stay sane. If you need a couple weeks away from friends/baby bumps/ and children take it. I notice a little time to myself goes a long ways and before ya know it I am back to feeling social again. I also recommend acupuncture. It will only improve your chances at conceiving and it does wonders for stress. It keeps me positive.
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