We're lucky enough to have a lot of local family and friends so we've never had to leave our boys (almost 3 yrs and 2 months old) with someone we/they didn't know. And since we have so much local support we've left them regularly since a young age. But we're traveling in a few weeks for BIL's engagement party and we were just informed its no kids, but they could arrange a sitter for us. I'm so worried about how this will go. So please, tell me about your first paid sitter experiences. How old were your kids? Did you do anything to make it go more smoothly? Any tips for this travel situation where the person is going to be a complete stranger and my kids will be in a strange location?!?!
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Could you bring a family member with you or just send your husband? Or leave them at home with family? Not saying you should not do it- just giving other options. Have you booked airfare? How many days is the trip?
Our only sitter is our 16 year old family friend that has been watching DD a couple times a month since she was 16 months.
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@youboots: It's a 3 hour drive and its at the beach. We had initially been told to bring the kids so we booked a fun family friendly place for 2 nights that DS1 will absolutely love. If I'd known in advance I totally would have left the boys at home with my parents and made it a date weekend
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J (and I) will be just fine! We usually have the nanny or family sit for us but in May used a completely random lady for the first time - he had never met her and we hadn't either, but she had good recommendations. It was at our house, so a little different, but T didn't miss a beat (and as you know he definitely is the type to freak out about that). I think some of it was that we projected total confidence in the lady and we really played it up as just a new friend coming to hang out with him. We had him engrossed in an activity when she arrived (magnatiles) and she just hopped in and started playing. We had pre-planned that and it worked out really well. He barely noticed when we left!
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@JennyPenny: can you just change hotels or go alone?
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I had to travel to a family wedding with my then almost 2 year old, in a location where I didn't really know anyone and was staying in a hotel. I ended up finding a sitter through an old friend, talked to her briefly on the phone, then met her at the hotel the morning of the wedding. It was totally fine. I'm glad it was someone my friend trusted (her former nanny). Aside from not really napping, it really went fine. Still the whole thing was pretty stressful and I didn't even have a little baby.
How old will your baby be for the party? How far is where you are staying from the party itself?
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I left DD at 9 months in a hotel room with a sitter to attend my BIL's rehearsal dinner and then wedding the following night. My SIL had local friends with children and they recommended the sitter. We chatted on the phone a bit a head of time and she came about a half hour early the first night. It was fine! She took great care of DD and had no problems putting her down, even though she was nursing to sleep still at that time.
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My DD had her first paid sitter around 16-18 months, and it has been a fabulous relationship. Our sitter is a 20 year old college student. DD and the sitter stand at the window waving at us when we leave, which is a fun activity DD looks forward to and gets her mind off the fact we are leaving.
That being said, DD has been in daycare since 12 weeks old and is super adaptable. Since you will be away from home I suggest you bring favorite toys, activities and foods. Good luck!
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@LBee: That's good to know! How far in advance did the lady get there to start playing?
@youboots: Maybe? It's a pretty popular beach destination and we were told to book very far in advance. But our hotel is 100% refundable and finding a room for 2 is way easier than for a family if we decide its too much in the end.
@Foodnerd81: That's a great question. The bride's family is hosting and the lines of communication have definitely been lacking. I think its at a friend of the mother-of-the-bride's beach house but don't know how far that is from the hotel. Also don't even have a start time - just "evening." They did say if I needed to I could bring the baby (who will be almost 3 months) to the party. I probably will take them up on that unless the party happens to be late and I can just put the baby to bed before I go.
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@Mrs. Pickle: Stories like that help so much, thanks!
@SweetCaroline: My kiddos are daycare kids too. I never really thought about that but they are used to lots of different people caring for them
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I think this is very kid dependent. My son would not have done well in this situation, I know from experience when I tried to drop him off at a play space one time...everyone told me he'd be fine, just do it...and they called me a half hour later to come and pick him up!
Is there a way you can try and see with someone at your house first to test the waters?
eta: my son wasn't in daycare, that for sure made a difference because he wasn't used to being with anyone other than me. In this respect, not being in daycare was a problem!
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@JennyPenny: see, they will be totally fine, it will be much more difficult for you than it will be for them! I'm the same way. Just act like the babysitter is an old friend and your kids will channel your calm and excitement.
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@JennyPenny: We had her arrive 30 minutes before we needed to leave, but we ended up leaving like 5 minutes in and got to our reservations early to just talk before the other couples got there. We were pretty much invisible at that point and he was busy showing her various toys. We actually did it twice recently now that I think about it (family & nanny unavailable) and he seriously did not care.
I do think having a weekend to yourself could be nice though, if you decide to use this as an excuse to leave the kids behind
- I am confident that J would really be fine though.
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@looch: @SweetCaroline: its funny - your comments together made me think he'll likely be fine. Because I thought "can I get a stranger over here in the next 2 weeks?" like @looch suggested. But I figured I couldn't, but I could get a friend of ours that DS has never met - but then I realized that happens all the time like @SweetCaroline mentioned. And he does just fine with meeting our friends for the first time. So if we pretend this is like that it'd probably be fine.
@LBee: Thanks! I'm actually feeling better by the minute. I think it was just the initial shock of what I thought was a family event suddenly being something different - and something new!
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@JennyPenny: I was definitely stressed (you can ask E), but I realized that T is put in weird / new situations all the time and that's sort of life. As long as I appear comfortable with the situation, he usually acclimates pretty quick. I will say that the second I start acting stressed he starts feeding off and we can get in a bad situation (hellllo, church nursery). It's great you are getting your worries out now!
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Just had to ask - who on earth has a no-kids engagement party? It's not like it's a wedding. Especially after they *told* you to bring the kids to this destination event? I think you'd be well within your rights to tell them you already planned to bring the kids so that's what you will do.
But, if you do decide to go with the sitter option, it could also be a great opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and open up a new world if it goes well. Personally we've only ever hired a paid sitter that arrived post-bedtime so there was no issue. But it would be nice to have this experience under your belt to feel more comfortable with it in the future. FWIW my kid is in full-time daycare but I'd still be just as uncomfortable as you are leaving her with a stranger. She knows/loves her daycare teachers. We already went through that transition!
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@PawPrints: huh? I've never been to an engagement party that is child friendly.
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@PawPrints: yeah, I'm not happy about that! To be fair it was the bride (who is a sweet wonderful girl) who said the family is invited, and the brides mom and friends who are hosting. The wedding itself is actually in a foreign country because the bride didn't want to deal with her overbearing mom/friends when planning the wedding. Apparently the engagement party is so all the people who can't go to the wedding can celebrate so I think this is all just turning into the wedding the bride didn't want...
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I think this is one of those things that if you feel comfortable about it that will go a long way in helping your child feel comfortable.
I just went to a wedding where there were two babysitter set up in a room to watch my baby and two toddlers. It was great. The children could be close, and i could nurse my baby, but I could also enjoy the party.
If you dont want to leave your 3 year old at the hotel with someone you dont know, maybe someone could watch them in a room at the party?
- I am confident that J would really be fine though.
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