Hellobee Boards

I still have to stand there and force it.

....is impossible. Some days are easier than others. This morning was not and we all overslept so that was fun.

"You can be a big boy and put your shoes on, on you can sit on the step and mommy will put your shoes on." That sentence usually gets him to do it (or whatever else). He hates sitting on the step (it's his "timeout") hates the idea of not being a big boy, and really hates the idea of not doing something "all by myself".

Similar to @blackbird: I'll ask him to do something, give him a reminder, tell him what the consequence will be, count to 3, follow through on the consequence. We've loaded him into the car without shoes, skipped bedtime story time, taken away toys, and sat time-out, etc. over not listening. Ugh, three year olds!

Unfortunately we still do this battle at 4! Some mornings are a walk in the park, others are hell. Yesterday was utter hell and the worst display of parenting by both of us and LO was covered in tears.

I've tried the threats (and carrying the shoes with me). Unfortunately this just spirals her further out of control. We've tried all the tactics and I think when she's in this mindset of wanting someone else to do it, we probably need to give in. It's the only thing I haven't tried so far.

Try making a square with painter's tape on the floor at home. "You need to stay in the square until your shoes are on. If you leave without your shoes on you will lose X toy until tomorrow." This is completely unhelpful for school though. Maybe at school try having her sit in a corner facing the wall?

@Freckles: what is it about shoes in the morning?! We struggle too. I agree with @KayKay: that, if I give my son a lot of time but am not rugby there, he will get distracted. What (mostly) works for us is for me to break down the directions into single steps: 1)find your shoes 2)bring them to the couch 3)open your straps 4)put them on. If I have the energy (not very often!!) I add something silly or make it a game and then he's really into it.
At school, could you just sit her in a chair and say something like "you can't do anything in class until your indoor shoes are on"?

@Kimo: Glad to hear your son responds to that, I've been contemplating that!

I give him choices (not that this has a 100% success rate by any stretch of the imagination, but it has proven effective).

He will refuse to put his shoes on to go outside so I tell him he can put them on or we don't go out. He chooses and I follow through.

In your case, I'd give her the option, put your shoes on or I take the toy/book. If you come back and they still aren't on, take the toy/book and tell her to put her shoes on and she gets the toy/book back. If they still aren't on when you are ready to go, put them on for her and make sure she knows you're unhappy with her.

It is generally pretty effective for my 2.5 year old, but be prepared for a tantrum the first few times you have to follow through. We use this tactic a lot and it only takes once or twice of following through to get him to take notice.

@Kimo: We use a timer, too. I set a timer and tell him he needs to have his shoes on before the oven beeps. If the oven beeps then mommy is going to do it for him. He likes to do things himself, so that usually works.

I do the same thing for getting out of the house. When the oven beeps, it's time to go. It has caused FAR less struggle to get out the door. Most of the time, the oven beeps and he drops whatever he's doing, yells, "Oven beeped!" and rushes over to the door.

I have a suggestion on the getting out of door part...

Tell her you are heading out in 5 minutes. You will set the alarm to 5 minutes she better put on her shoes within this time. If the alarm sounds and no shoes on, she will go out without shoes. Then, remind her when it is 4 minutes, 3, 2, 1. The alarm goes off and if she has no shoes on still, get her out of the door without shoes on (bring her shoes but don't let her see you do it). If you will be in the car during this time that's even better (so she can be shoeless for however long it will be). She'd probably be crying but you tell her, well I told you the rules, 5 minutes is up, there is no more time for putting on shoes. After all that crying and whatever, you talk to her again and explain this is going to be how it works from now on. Give her shoes back to her there. Then I hope next day she'd get it.

We don't have so much trouble with shoes on, but the cleaning up is driving me crazy. It can take him 30+ minutes to clean up and it often ended up with me losing my mind. Then one day my husband set the alarm to 10 minutes. He just reminded him that at the end of 10 minutes if toys are still everywhere, he will take away whatever is left over. My 3.5 year old ignored him and cleaned up very slowly... but then at the end of the 10 minutes my husband really took a plastic bag and dumped everything that is still on the floor into the bag, and took it away. My son went nuts, but the next day when I set the alarm, he just clean up very promptly.

Another suggestion for shoes is, maybe put her shoes at the door, so when she is all dressed you just say ok let's head out now, and hopefully she will naturally put her shoes on there? That's where our shoes are and we never had a fuss about shoes. knock on wood.