The alternative title of this post is: When should I just give it up?

Baby girl is now almost 5 days old and breastfeeding just isn't working for us.

She refused to latch immediately after she was born but we were not too worried, she had just been through a traumatic time after all. The midwife said I was going to find breastfeeding a challenge because I have very flat nipples but to keep trying. Well, 24 hours later, she still refused to latch - the hospital midwives were grabbing my nipples, tweaking them, pulling them, ramming them into her mouth but she would take two sucks then pop off, crying. That first full night (alone with her on a hospital ward full of other mums and babies) was awful - she cried all night and I tried, I really tried to feed her. I was sweating, she was sweating, we were both crying..... and she got nothing. My nipples were cracked and so, so sore ....

The following day, I requested a hospital visit from the breastfeeding support worker I had seen before Elliott was born. She confirmed that, in addition to my flat nipples baby girl has a tongue tie. Our hospital doesn't do the snipping procedure (the midwife told me it would stretch???) but a nearby hospital does and my LC has a direct referral line in..... but there is a 4-6 week waiting list.

By this point, 48 hours old and having had nothing to eat, Elliott became jandiced. I had no option but to give her a bit of formula. The tears poured down my face as I watched her guzzle it down and relax for the first time since she was born. I didn't mind that it wasn't my milk she was loving so much, I just felt so bad for starving my poor helpless baby....

Long story short, over the last couple of days, supplementing has given way to full on formula feeding. I have been trying to maintain supply (what supply? I don't think I even have any milk in there) so that, in 4-6 weeks, when her tongue tie is clipped, we have a fighting chance. I have been pumping every 3 hours but I'm getting perhaps a drop, like a bead of sweat, out each time.

I offer her the breast before every feed and she does latch but, if she is hungry, she quickly pops off and starts fussing, which gives way to full-on meltdown if I keep trying. She does comfort suck for a few minutes, however, if offered at the right time. It is toe curlingly painful... but I don't mind. I was hoping that this would be enough to make my milk come in....?

Well, today, I offered her the breast before a feed and she latched on. A minute or so later, she popped off, fussing, and there was blood running out of her mouth and down her cheek. My nipple was bleeding into my baby's mouth.

At what point do I just give up? She is quite happy taking the formula. After the bleeding incident I was so ready to give up but just now my sweet girl was rooting for me and it just broke my heart. She latched, sucked for a little while on the other breast (the non-bleeding one, although it's only a matter of time, ouch) and fell asleep nuzzled up to me. My breasts feel tender like they literally ache to feed my baby....

..... what can I do???

I tried nipple shields but I can't quite work out how they are meant to help. My poor tiny baby already can't get enough of my breast tissue into her tiny mouth (I have big breasts) to stimulate the milk, all the nipple shields did was add another centimetre of empty plastic into the mix.... I don't understand...?