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Never. My parents love to babysit my kids, they have literally driven 6 hours round trip to watch them while we go to a movie (their suggestion, not mine).

Not yet. My dad has babysat for us twice. Once at his house and the other time at ours. We only live 35-40 minutes apart. I could see a 2.5 hr drive being a dealbreaker.

Do you think maybe he wanted all the adults to go out together alone? Or was he planning to be at your house while a babysitter was there?

No but they never babysit. Never. It's a bummer but we have found some great babysitters! My parents like to hang out with the kids for like 20 minutes but then they disengage.

Ha. My mom used to watch LO1 when I worked (about 2 years, summers off). Whenever we got into an argument about anything unrelated, she would throw out "well you should get a babysitter then!" That's one reason I decided to be a SAHM. As a teacher, it wouldn't make sense for me to work and send my kids to daycare and I was tired of my mom holding it over my head even though she was the one who suggested the whole thing to begin with (she tends to do that about lots of things, but my kids is where I draw the line)

My dad would never say that, though. He retired earlier this year and voluntarily takes my 3 year old once a week to hang out with him.

My dad would about fall over and die if he found out I hired a babysitter instead of using my parents. I think the only way he would be accepting of it is if we both had to be at the same event and all of our extended family and friends were tapped out. Then he'd make an excuse to leave early to be with my son.

They're obsessed with each other.

yes, my parents have told us to get a babysitter, but in a supportive, encouraging way. they live about 15 minutes away, but our understanding has generally been that given their social/travel schedules and other factors, they are not our go-to. they want us to have someone readily available for when we want a casual night out.

this is different from your situation, where it sounds like you don't use them often, and they used to take a different attitude. sounds like something has changed? anyway, i'm sorry about that.

Yes, sometimes. MIL lives super close but she is super busy and can't always babysit.

Even if they stay a few days I can see how the long drive can be tiring for someone who is older. Some people love travel, so don't. It would still make me sad to hear, though.

This would make me so sad, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It makes no sense that your parents would complain about babysitting during their visits a few times a year. I would ask your dad frankly, say you hadn't realized it was such an inconvenience for them to babysit during their visits and encourage him to share his feelings with you - I feel like there has to be something more behind it. It just seems odd he wouldn't want to.

@mediagirl: Ah, gotcha. Then in that case my parents would happily do that.

I have a different idea. Maybe he's thinking of his age and just wants you to have a back up for the day when they can't make the drive anymore?

My parents bend over backwards to watch my girls but they both work full time so I try not to ask too often. (15 min drive). My in-laws literally live so close that I'm comfortable letting my 3year old walk there by herself (I watch from the window) and she has never babysat and would totally suffer I get a babysitter. She's not even 60 yet and doesn't work and used to keep my niece all the time but God forbid she spend one second alone with my kids.

@erinbaderin: we have recruited them from my alma mater university which is only a few miles away. In addition our local family group hosts a biannual babysitter meet and greet where middle school and high schoolers interested in babysitters can meet families looking for sitters. And of course word of mouth.

My husband travels 2-4 nights a week (typically with 1-2 days notice) so we "joke" that if I ever need to make evening plans I need to pre-book a sitter just in case he isn't around.

@erinbaderin: Do you know any middle or high school teachers? I've been able to pass on the names of responsible students (who like to babysit) to friends of mine who are looking for babysitters.

No, but I worry about putting them out so we try to balance family together time with babysitting time. It is a hard balance and I always feel anxious about it.

I think that our parents are different from the ones who preceded them. They are more into the "active adult" lifestyle and like their free time. Whereas our grandparents were more settled into the retired, family oriented lifestyle, our parents are like, going on cruises and to Vegas, going kayaking etc. So far we haven't had anyone make any comments but I do feel aware of the possibility of putting them out.

@purplelilac: I think it is harder to find sitters than it seems. Around here high schoolers/college kids are super over scheduled. Plus sitters don't do overnights and to me, an overnight once every two months is superior to a date night once a month or even once a week, if you can't afford both.

Only if they want to go out with dh and I together, like for the 4 of us to celebrate a specialist occasion or try a new restaurant. They usually will say "can you get a babysitter? If not you two have a date night"

kinda different, but when we moved closer to my mom, i thought she would have a regular schedule during the week to care for DD2 while i worked and when that didn't work out as scheduled, she said i should put in the same "school" as DD1. had to reset my expectations on that one!

No, we're lucky to have my parents 40 mins away and ILs 20 mins away though. However we only ask about once per month. But I know both sets would be offended if we didn't ask them first because they like spending time with LO. We make sure to see both sets a couple times per month though without babysitting need, so I know they don't feel "used."