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That seems pretty ludricious to expect you to do. I whole heartedly say no to that. I would never leave my child for an extended period of time. She can figure things out for herself. Perhaps she made the comment out of anxiety.

Um no. I did a lot for my sisters two girls, but when I had my son she had 2 kids and 1 on the way. I didn't expect that of her. Maybe some extra attention or checking in on her, but not up and leaving your family to help with hers. It would be one thing if she lived the next town over and you could spend a few days with her but come home to your own life.

I have not had anyone say this to me directly but I think I know how you feel: my brother and SIL are expecting twins in the next few weeks. I would love to go help them! But they haven't asked and I haven't offered because we live across the country, I am still nursing my 9 mo old, and I am the default parent for both kids due to DH's schedule. The last time I saw them I did say something about wishing I could come but that I would be a package deal with my two kids so I think that would be a net negative.

Maybe there is a way to help your sister feel supported from afar? Like what is she expecting you to do if you were there? Help with meals or cleaning? Maybe there is a way to arrange that?

My sister came and left her 2 kids (3.5 and 6 months). It was super nice and I really appreciated it. Definitely didn't expect it though. She offered and I wouldn't want someone here who didn't truly want to be there. I'd go because I would want to, but if you don't want to then you shouldn't.

My sisters have both dropped everything (3 times!) to come help me when my girls arrived.
We don't have any help nearby, so having them here has meant so much to me. I will do everything in my power to help them in anyway that I can when they become mothers. I say that knowing that it's a ways off for both of them so my kids will be old enough to be left with Dad for a week.

In your case I'd stick with the already scheduled visit. Send a week of prepared meal service or something and then visit when you had planned.

I think it's a little more complicated than that. I know when I was expecting dd, I was afraid to do it on my own. Granted I wasn't really because I had Dh, and my in laws live in the same town as us, but going into things I felt a bit abandoned that certain family members and friends weren't planning on being there. Granted I think part of it is that my mom isn't alive and a lot of it was that i wanted her there.

With that said, once dd arrived I was fine and the family that did come was more stressful than helpful.

With that said maybe see how things go and if your sister is having a hard time you could try to make it for a long weekend.

No I definitely wouldn't feel obligated to go.

I think if you can & want to do it, it'd be awesome. I'm sure she would appreciate your help and your experience (and just your company...maternity leave can be so lonely!).

But I realize that many/most people wouldn't necessarily be able to leave their own kid for a week to go help someone else. I wouldn't be able to, either. So I think if you can't, the prepared meals, a house cleaner, or a night nurse are great ideas.

Honestly, I think you could also frame it as giving her & her family time and space to get settled as a new family and that sometimes FTM feel better hunkering down without visitors. And that you'd feel equally/more helpful coming a month later!

I think it's an unrealistic expectation and comparing it to you helping your brother, when you did not have a child of your own to care for, is like comparing apples and oranges.

I'd make it clear you'd love to be there for her, but leaving your toddler son at home for a week is not an option. She may not understand now but she will soon enough.... As others have suggested, I'd do lots of little things to help her - send diapers and wipes so she's stocked up, order in some meals for them, maybe order a book on caring for a newborn that you found extremely helpful, and check in regularly without expecting a response in return. Anything expected beyond that is a bit ludicrous - to be honest, it makes me a bit ragey to think that someone would expect their sibling to drop everything, including their own toddler, to fly across country and help with a new baby. It seems very self-centred and spoiled, and honestly, having a newborn is difficult but let's be real here, people have been doing this since the beginning of time and they just get on with it, with or without help. If she has a supportive partner, especially one who is going to take paternity leave, then extra help from family members is really just a nicety, but not a necessity that requires one to abandon their own family in favour of someone else's, unless there are extenuating circumstances at play here that haven't been mentioned.

Ehh it's a tough one. I honestly would not even expect someone else, however close, with their own kid to help out. It really is different without kids and with. I'd be talking it over w/ DH and assessing how much you can handle as a family and how much you will be able to help out. In the mean time, I do agree that setting up meal deliveries, or boxes of essentials, etc may help her and make her feel like she's cared for?