I have one beautiful son. I have been trying for 2 years now for #2, including 2 miscarriages. I see my window closing, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with having an only child. I never pictured my future family this way, my husband and I are each one of 4. I don't know how to move forward and accept his. Any advice?
-
I haven't come to terms with that myself yet. I have 1 son that was easily/accidentally conceived. So when we decided to go for #2, I thought it might not take very long. Well, here we are going into cycle 21, the last 8 being medicated, and I'm not pregnant.
I can commiserate all day about this, it just shouldn't be this hard when you know how all of it works.
hugs -
I was right where you are two years ago. I was set on having 2 lo's but it just wasn't happening. We did some work with an RE and it drained me.. it was emotionally hard, financially hard and lots of $$$$..... I talked to a friend who said to me "just stop.. are you happy?" And I really thought about it for a minute and YES I was happy. I had a beautiful LO and everything was good.. in that moment I realized I was HAPPY and that I had been focusing so hard on lo2 that I lost that. I mean I was happy but my thoughts and actions were tied to having another baby...
Anyway from that moment on I decided no more interventions and I actually started saying we were done when people asked (DD was about 3 and so naturally people were asking about #2) I started to say, we really wished to have 2 but it appeared it wasn't in our cards........... I honestly felt good with it. It was like a huge weight was lifted.
Anyway that is what it took for me....
Good luck and I am so sorry you are in this situation... it's so so so hard HUGS!!!!
-
@Sams Mom: When we decided to try for #2, I got pregnant right away and then miscarried. Over a year later we were about to begin IUI when I got pregnant and then miscarried again. I feel like life has been on hold for two years and it will be good to move forward as a family of 3, but I am having a hard time officially letting go. Hugs to you too.....it really is a lonesome feeling
@Ajsmommy: We keep setting an end date and then pushing it back....I think I will feel such a weight lifted once we decide to move on. After my recent m/c I started to realize that it actually may not happen and I have been envisioning life with just one child.
I'm so glad you were able to find peace and acceptance, I hope to be in that place soon. Hugs
-
Just wanted to share in the commiseration. I got pregnant with our DS on the first try. He's 5 now, and we started trying for #2 in April. It took awhile for my DH to get on board with the idea of a second. Since April, I've had 3 miscarriages. I'm 38 and the age gap is just getting bigger and bigger. I'm also trying to decide when we'll stop and try to be happy with just one kiddo. It's never how I pictured my family, which was why I tried so hard to get DH on board with #2. The only silver lining I can see is that we'd have more money and time to travel. It sucks that we're all in this position. Sending good thoughts to everyone.
-
@Spinny: Hi, Spinny. I am here to commiserate. My DD was a one-time BD before my DH left for a month-long training exercise and my DS was a surprise as well (conceived once DH returned from a deployment). When DS was 14 mos old, we began to actively TTC for #3. My hubby and I are each 1 of 3 ... He is the youngest and I - the eldest. Both he and I see "3" as the magic number even though we completely adore the two amazing kids we have. I digress ... We began to TTC in February. Six mos past, then a year ... DH and I began tests and saw our first RE. All tests ALWAYS COME BACK NORMAL. We have since been labeled the dreaded: "Unexplained Secondary Infertility." This February will be THREE YEARS trying. DH and I will meet with another RE in December. He has decided that we are going to go for one more round of tests, and, perhaps, a round of IUI or ICI but nothing more invasive. DH thinks 3 years with 4 months under the care of the new RE will be sufficient; We will stop "Active" TTC in April unless something changes. I don't really know if I have come to terms with having to STOP as TTC is all I know at this point; however, it is nice to know that there is a finish line in sight. I would prefer to keep going but, at what point is it realistic versus simply my innate need/want for another baby to dote on and love?
Sending many *hugs* as infertility (whether primary or secondary) is difficult no matter what point you are at in your TTC journey.
-
@Chuckles: I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. I'm trying to look at the silver lining too, and travel is something I'm excited to do again.
@Kaohinani: We have the same diagnosis of unexplained secondary infertility. I wish you all of the luck for the next few months. It's so hard to have an idea of what you expect your future family to be, and to accept something different. Hugs.
-
@Ajsmommy: and for everyone else, too - do you have an extra bedroom that was going to be for another kid? What is it being used for now and have you thought about what you'll use it for instead of a bedroom if another kid never happens? We have a third bedroom that is mostly storage now. I find it pretty depressing, and we keep the door closed, though that's mostly to keep the dog from getting into everything. I think it would eventually be DH's office. He now has his desk in the basement but my son's toys are quickly taking over the space.
-
@Chuckles: We have an extra room which I have turned into a "guest" room. We own a four-bedroom home. Each bedroom has an additional "build out" room affixed so my daughter has her art studio, my son has a play room, my husband has an office, and the "guest space" has a sitting space. (* The third floor is a full gym so I won't be transforming that into a bedroom any time soon.) I hope, someday to transform the guest room to a baby's room with nursery space. Since all of our children stay in our room with us until they are 12 mos, it would stay a guest room for those who would like to visit or help with the new bundle until then anyway. It does affect me every now and again as I begin to think of how I would like to situate baby furniture in the "guest bedroom" but I try not to obsess too much.
-
@Spinny: I have been through 5 m/c
It took me years of therapy to come to terms with the diagnosis and move to surrogacy de. The surrogate is about to start stimulation. So It has been a long road for us, not going to lie. I have had to remind myself that everything is going to be ok. Because of the reality, I was living in. But things will get better. Just know it. -
@pagerelvy33: Thank you for the kind words and I'm sorry for your losses. Wishing you all the best with surrogacy.
-
Yes very much with you. My amazing son just turned 5, and we were on the fence a bit about having a second, but decided to not try not to and see what happened. I wasn't pregnant after about 6 months of trying, so we decided to shelve the decision for a while (my son was 3 1/2 at this point). Of course, as everyone on the internet will tell you, when we stopped trying I got pregnant. We took a long time to come to terms with it, and we had other troubles in our marriage at that time, but finally when I was around 12 weeks we both embraced it and got soooooo excited. Things went south at 16 weeks or so and I ended up delivering my son at nearly 21 weeks. It was absolutely devastating, and 14 months on I feel like I'm out of the fog - and now the decisions start again. I'm turning 38 in May, we are at such a beautiful age with my son, and I know I won't survive another loss like the one I had....so we're back in limbo. Instinctively I don't feel like my family is complete, but I don't know if that's because I want another baby or I just want my Rhys back. I don't know but I stand with you and offer my support to you
-
@ScarletBegonia: I'm so sorry for your loss, that is just heartbreaking.
Thank you for the support. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. Although I've only experienced first trimester loss, I know how devastating it can be.
I understand exactly how you feel about trying again, I'm also turning 38 this year and I just don't know if I can stomach more losses. Since posting this, I've had a pregnancy of unknown location which has taken 2 months to resolve. I feel so defeated, but still I hold on to this tiny glimmer of hope.
hugs Reply
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
12 comments