Help! I think the baby is broken. 
She slept 10-12 hours basically every single night from 2.5-4.5 months. Then the 4mo regression hit and then she got a nasty cold/ cough. And now she wakes up wanting a bottle at 10-11 and 3-4. I've been giving her the bottles because i felt bad she was sick and I think it soothes her throat. But she is 5.5 months and 19 lbs, eating solids and drinking 36-42 oz/day. She's can't possibly be hungry, so at this point I think I've created a new, bad habit. How do I fix this? I'm so tired that I have very little willpower at the moment. She puts herself to sleep wonderfully, so we are good there. Naps and nighttime, even after night wake ups, she goes back in her crib awake and gets herself to sleep without fussing. Help! I need to sleep again!
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I know this isn’t helpful, but honestly that’s sounds amazing to me for a 5.5 month old! She puts herself to sleep for bed and naps and after wake ups and is only waking up twice. That honestly sounds pretty good to me.
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I think I read you can’t really sleep train (which is what we did at 4.5 mos when the regression hit) but could do a modified version where you put a little less in the bottle each time until no more? I haven’t done this but I have friends who did it successfully though I think it took a while. A pacifier also works wonders for our LO but I’m sure you’ve tried that. Ugh good luck!
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Does she use a pacifier? I wonder if the bottle is helping more with the sucking comfort rather than actually needing the milk. Beyond that, I agree with @mrsbucky, I know this is a shift for you but this sounds absolutely normal to me for a 5.5 month old.
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@MrsBucky: Ugh yeah, for some reason this time it's affecting me more. Maybe because I'm solo parenting most of the time and in grad school? Aaah so tired.
@JJ2626: I may try that. Right now she howls if you try even a 4 oz bottle
@Mrs. Carrot: She does. It sometimes helps, but not usually in those moments. It's just hard to believe she really needs that much formula! -
@Mrs. Turtle: I get it! I’m super high sleep needs, so sleep deprivation is the worst part of parenting for me. I don’t mean to say it’s not hard! I wasn’t sure if a gut check was helpful in this situation or not, but I figured it might be, so there you go. She might be going through a growth spurt? Who knows. In any event I do hope it gets better soon.
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Get permission from your pediatrician to stop all night feeding and drop the bottles cold turkey. I bet within two nights she's sleeping through the night. She already knows how (as evidenced by putting herself to sleep at the beginning of the night), so she should catch on super quickly! I know it's hard, but imagine yourself in just two nights getting a full night of sleep! You can totally do it!
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@SteelerGirl: I'm pretty sure the pediatrician would be all for it since they all seem to think we are crazy for feeding her so much, plus she's 95th percentile. But if we did that, what do we do on those nights when she wakes up?
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@MrsBucky: It's funny, normally I'm not super high sleep needs, but lately this has been really hard. DW gets back in town today so maybe I'll go stay at my parents for a night or two to catch up.
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We always tried the pacifier first, but if they didn't settle with the paci after 5-10 minutes I figured they really needed to eat. My kids were breastfed, but got bottles of pumped milk during the day when I worked, so I know they got plenty, and neither slept through the night until after 1 year old... even after attempting to sleep train. Some kids eat at night.
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@Mrs. Turtle: It depends on the method you choose for sleep training. We did CIO (cry it out), and it only took two nights before she wasn't crying at all. But you could also do Ferber (with checks), or pick-up-put-down, or any other sleep training method you choose. My point is it sounds like she has a sleep association- she needs a bottle to get back to sleep. And you have to break that by forcing her to find another way to fall asleep. I think the simplest and fastest way is just to give her the space and time to figure it out (cry it out).
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@kiddosc: Maybe so. I got spoiled with her initial amazing sleeping.
@SteelerGirl: Yeah, I'm torn over this one. I do let her fuss a bit, and try the paci, but then if she's not settling I feed her. I'm pretty adamant that sleep training, particularly CIO, isn't an option for our foster babies because of previous trauma. This one is a little different because we've had her since birth, but she still has that trauma of separation from mom, not to mention whatever pre birth trauma they may have experienced together. I do think I might try cutting back on ounces though. -
@Mrs. Turtle: my son was a super distracted nurser during the day, and we got into this same pattern where he was taking in a ton of his milk (like almost half of it) during the night feedings. I hear you that you don't want to do CIO, but for him, the thing that saved me and got him to sleep 11 hours straight (vs 3 night wakings) was I moved heaven and earth to make SURE he was getting all the milk that he physically needed during daytime hours. Then I gritted my teeth and did CIO and night weaning all at once, and we were good after a couple of very stressful weeks. But I think it was worth it because not only was *I* getting the sleep I desperately needed, he was getting better sleep too, and it shifted everything much for the better. Anyway, wonder if you could make a crazy effort to get her to eat more during the day if it would curb some of this nighttime shenanagans??
ETA also very respectfully disagree with pp's that 2 night wakings at almost 6 months is good or average. our ped told us at the 4-month visit that he absolutely didn't "need" to be waking at night at all at that point.
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@Mrs. Turtle: Wow that’s a lot of daytime oz! She def doesn’t need that overnight. I agree with @JJ2626: to try reducing the night feed bottle by an ounce each night. I would try to drop the earlier one first.
I think you’ll find that if you drop the amount in the bottle she won’t even notice, which will give you the confidence that the wakings are from habit vs hunger. I know if I put only 3oz in my son’s bottle during the day (instead of 6-7) he would surely notice. Because that’s a feed he actually needs. But when I did it at night trying to drop feeds he didn’t even notice.I know you’ve said you can’t cio with a foster baby so I would do some gentle sleep training once the bottles are gone. It’s different for every baby. My first son would never have been ok with a back rub, he would need pick up/put down. My 2nd who is now 8mo can settle back down with a back rub and shushing while he stays in the crib. So it might take some experimentation to see what she needs to get past the feeding time she’s used to waking for.
So in summary:
- drop first feed by lowering 1oz each night till you’re down to 2oz. Then don’t feed, just pu/pd or back rub to extend to the next feed.
- once she’s sleeping to the next feed, if she doesn’t drop it on her own, decrease 1oz per night. Repeat above techniques to extend her till desired wakeup time in AM.
Of course this can take a couple of weeks since no cio, and cio is fastest. But if you already have good sleep habits (putting herself to sleep) it might be easier than you think!Good luck!
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@LCTBQE: I think she's already getting enough with her 30+ ounces during the day? She's happy to suck down a bottle anytime, anywhere, so I could easily add more. But I really don't think she needs to be drinking so much in a 24 hour period.
@SweetiePie: I like this plan. I'm sure I could do CIO with a foster baby, I just don't think it's a good idea based on everything I've learned about trauma. Now I have to figure out how to shush/pat/rock her without waking up the toddler in the same room! Thanks. And yes, I know, it's a TON of ounces. And she's on Nutramigen, which means her formula costs $12-$13/day. Thank goodness WIC covers foster babies! -
@Mrs. Turtle: omg sorry, I don't know how I missed that part! never mind!! that is a ton, sheesh. okay I take it all back and second everything that @SweetiePie: said
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@LCTBQE: hahaha right? She's an incredible eater. I've never seen a baby put away food like she does. I had a week or so where I was determined to keep it at a more reasonable 28-30 oz per day. She basically cried all of the time and wouldn't let us put her down. We gave up and just fed her what she wanted after that. Maybe from deprivation/substance exposure in utero??? That's my only theory.
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@LCTBQE: All that said, I'm GRATEFUL to have this problem, as opposed to O who never, ever drank more than 1-2 oz at a time and fought every bottle like it hurt her. I'll take overeating and wanting more bottles at night any day.
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@Mrs. Turtle: yep, I just looked back at my log from my son--he was eating 32 oz at six months, also a big baby percentile-wise. I don't know anything about how the in-utero experience informs behavior later on, but my son definitely was not shy about demanding more milk. that sounds so tough with O! and hahahaha I like how as mothers we frame things re "grateful to have the problem". I currently have a not-easy 8-week-old and there's a lot I'm grateful for
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@Mrs. Turtle: Gotcha!
In my opinion, I don’t think cio causes any trauma. For whatever that’s worth, which may be nothing because I’m an internet stranger.Especially since you’ve had this baby since birth (and hence there haven’t been any abandonment issues) I would just do it. But only if I could be consistent and not give in.
All that being said, I’ve never had a foster baby so I’m sure that adds a new level of complexity and emotion that I don’t pretend to know.AND all that being said, plenty of people sleep train using the gentler methods I mentioned. So of course do that if it’s what you’re most comfortable with. As long as you can deal with it for a couple/few weeks. That was my issue - I felt desperate and wanted to just rip the bandaid off. I know cio is SO HARD (I’m not made of Stone, it’s rough) but I’d rather have more pain for a shorter period (days) than less pain for longer (weeks). If that makes sense.
Good luck! It’s hard and you’re an amazing human being!
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@SweetiePie: I don't think it causes trauma either, in a baby with no previous abandonment history. There is a lot of research that points to the fact that even if you have a baby since birth, there is still a loss and a trauma because of the initial separation from mom. Not to mention, in utero trauma has effects too. I'm not against CIO and I probably would do it if these weren't foster/adoptive babies. But trauma wires the brain differently, even trauma pre-conscious memories, or even pre-birth. And once that brain is wired to be in fight/flight/freeze mode basically all of the time, everything is processed a bit differently.
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@LCTBQE: haha yeah, I try to find the bright side, otherwise I get overwhelmed! O was the hardest infant I've ever cared for. The eating issues were so scary and there was so much pressure to do it right so she didn't end up in the hospital again. She was SO TINY. N is the size now that O was at a year, and that was after rapid weight gain once she came into foster care.
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I think baby sleep is all a stage. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s just hard and not so great. We sleep trained #1 around 4 months and it helped (from what I remember). We didn’t sleep train #2, and he eventually slept through the night around 6 or 7 months. DS2 was born big and was always a good eater and ate through the night until at least 5 months...(he was bottle fed). Eventually they all sleep through the night!
Good luck. The first year is just hard and tiring!
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Any chance she is still a little stuffy? My little guy has the worst sleep ever if I don't suck out his nose before going down. Even if he doesn't sound stuffy.
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No advice except to say my EBF six month old wakes for two good feeds every night so I feel you on the lack of sleep!
I’m not a fan of CIO in any form and night waking is incredibly biologically normal plus babies go through huge amounts of physical, mental and emotional development in the first year of life so at the moment I’m just dealing with the night waking.
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Probably not what you want to hear but my lo was a horrible sleeper from 4-10 months. We tried everything and nothing made any difference. So your lo might just take time to go back to sleeping through the night.
Upside it's only 2 wakeups. Our kid was up at least every 2 hours. It was horrible -
@Alba4: Thanks for the reminder. I got my hopes up when she was such a great sleeper early on, even though I told myself it probably wouldn't last.
@Kemma: Good reminder! I'm beginning to think I'm better off not going to bed until after her first wake up, and then staying up after her last. I'd get less sleep, but more grad school homework done, and the waking and trying to get back to sleep is the worst part for me!
@MamaBear87: Oh yes, definitely could be worse. O was up every 20-45 minutes for a period of several months. I don't remember how many it was, but it almost broke me. It was so hard to take because she wasn't that young (it was probably 11 months-18 months or so), and she was so upset and anxious all the time, and wouldn't eat. I remember breaking down sobbing while trying to ask a question of this wonderful woman who was conducting a community wide training on trauma and attachment. Luckily it was after the training and I was not in front of a crowd of my coworkers, but man, it was embarrassing anyway! This is no where near that bad. -
I agree with @sweetiepie as well. The first feed should be easier to drop. I BF DS1 but when I night weaned his final feed I did it similarly but by time so 1 minute less each night. The first time I tried it he put up such a fuss I figured he wasn't ready, and I didn't want to cio. Tried again in another month and it was pretty easy then. You could also add some sort of cue when the bottle is done...like humming or even just a phrase to let her know that's all to eat for now. Good luck! When people say babies/kids don't NEED something I find it helpful to think of all the things I don't need that I would be very cranky about if I couldn't do/have haha.
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@cam: That is a helpful way to look at it! She might not need it, but she might complain about it anyway.
Update for all: She only had 1 bottle last night! She slept from 7-1, then settled with a paci until 2, when she had a coughing fit that totally woke her up. I gave her a bottle and she went right back down, and just woke up at 6. I gave her a paci again and she's settling again I think. Definite improvement, even though I was up from 1-3 or so.
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