I know when I have conversation with other mommy friends I try and give advice (when asked) about things I know about. I personally dislike it when I get advice from someone with no experience in the matter.
It doesn't mean I won't listen to the person because sometimes what they say can be a new way to look at it. But when they start saying what I do is wrong it bugs me.
Am I the only one?
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I used to give advice on breastfeeding before I got married and pregnant. In my defense.. I have a masters in maternal and child health and took lactation classes! lol.
I don't think anyone should tell you you're doing it wrong--unless you're hurting your baby. Rude much? :T
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
Hmmm...they said you did something wrong? It bugs me when people with no experience tell me "Have you tried this? Or how about this? Gee, maybe if you did this." I guess I shouldn't tell them in the first place since I know they have no experience. But that bugs me because almost 100% of the time - YES, I have already tried that, thanks.
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
Well it's not directly telling me I did something wrong but along the lines of "did you try this instead" (when they've never had a baby)
I think it goes for everything in my life. I could not even take my priest serious when he gave us couples advice and sex education. Really!!
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
Oh I hate when people tell you flat out you're doing it wrong. Or as Andrea suggested, telling you solutions you've already thought to try! On the other hand, I don't have any babies yet, but have nannied so many and have quite a few around me, that I'll pass along advice I've heard or used. I make sure to say someone told me, or that I've used it myself, because the last thing I'd want someone to think is that I'm talking out of my bum 
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
It's also what I should and shouldn't buy, advice about nursing (with no experience) I just don't know where people get their info (unless they studied in that)
I dunno. I guess inexperienced and unsolicited advice bothers me.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
@blushink: Well, I think when you tell people things ... they just naturally want to help so they give you advice whether or not they know what they're talking about. I guess we just have to ignore it as we have been doing!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@blushink: I was going to be a lactation specialist before I got married and had a baby. When a friend of mine who has a baby found out, she said she'd never use my services because I've never nursed before. -.-
GOLD / pomelo / 5167 posts
@chopsuey119: I think that is wrong because you can be taught. And there's actual education behind it. Some who nurse still give crappy advice
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@blushink: yeah. I was super annoyed when she said that to me.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@chopsuey119: That's a pretty mean thing for a friend to say!!
We had a doula for Charlie, and she had never given birth before... that wasn't an issue for us.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@mrbee: I considered becoming a doula at one point too. I know. That "friend" is super passive aggressive and likes taking cheap shots.
apricot / 254 posts
While it bugs me at time...I always come from the point of view to take things with a grain of salt. Perhaps their advice has some substance behind it, and if I've already done it then disregard it.
I've been giving parenting classes for the past 5 years, but have only been a parent 11 weeks. I have many parent's that thank me for the interventions I help them learn. Granted I am educated on the subject, but I do like to think even though I may not have gone through their exact experiences I like to think they can help me learn about their situations and I can help the best way possible.
pear / 1861 posts
YEP! I thought I was just anal.lol I hate when a nonparent tries to tell mehow to do something with my chilld that I didn't ask them about. I never give advice on something I've never done! Shoot, when I wasn't a mom I'd never have told a mom what to do, that's a sensitive area and I was smart enough back then to keep my mouth shut!
kiwi / 686 posts
Only if the person has both no experience and no training. I mean, I'm in school to become a birth doula, birth educator, and lactation consultant - and I've not yet given birth or nursed. But I've studied it, been at births, attended nursing classes with my Mom since I was 4... so I do have a clue. 
But I totally agree about unasked for advice from people who really don't know what they are talking about. It's rude and annoying.
grapefruit / 4049 posts
@MsMamaBear: I agree with you...
I also do agree that non-parents (excluding those trained in the matter) usually are just trying to be helpful, but most of the time I think they'd just be most helpful if they just listened to me vent, instead of offering advice.
I had a coworker who used to always give parents advice on things... she said she knew what it's like because she had "a ton of nieces and nephews". I understand that mentality, but there really isn't anything like knowing from having your own. Now that coworker is a parent to a newborn... Now she says she has learned so much she never knew before, she didn't think it would be so hard, and it is different when you have your own.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I have a male friend who gives me unwanted advice ALL THE TIME! Especially when I was pregnant. He's doesn't have any kids, isn't married, but thinks he knows everything about babies. He would give me advice on breastfeeding, told me I wouldn't last with cloth diapers and I should use disposable, told me not to dress my little girl in dresses b/c it's harder to change them, etc.
And then when I got upset at him, he said it was my pregnancy hormones, and they made me an angry pregnant women. But if that were true, why wasn't I angry with anybody else but him!
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I think when some one complains about something it's a natural response to try to help. I'm not some one who does the whole "venting" thing without actually wanting a solution so that may be part of my view. As long as someone isn't flat out criticizing you but just offering ideas that maybe helpful to you in your situation I think you should accept that gracefully and then later you can decide whether or not to actually take their advice. I'm not a mom but have been a nanny to children as young as 3weekslong so I do know what worked for me in a lot of situations.
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
Non-parents ALWAYS tell me what I'm doing wrong! And I want to punch them in their faces! A guy (A GUY!) told me that I'll ruin LO's teeth by letting her suck her thumb. Uh, hello, LO is 4 months old, loser!
coconut / 8234 posts
@blushink: "I guess inexperienced and unsolicited advice bothers me."
Exactly this! All of my mommy friends have been super helpful with me during this pregnancy. But I also have a lot of friends who aren't mothers and one in particular has given me some unsolicited advice about how I should become a SAHM (because according to her it's best for the baby, I don't want some stranger raising my kid, and my DH and I will figure out all the bills and how to live). She gave some other advice, too. I no longer listen because it bothers me too much.
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
@Rubies: Yah, thumb sucking doesn't impact teeth until the permanent teeth come out... that usually starts around six years of age. He was totally wrong, as far as I am aware!
Wasn't sure how the guy part factored in though?
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
@mrbee: I meant a guy, single, no kids. I felt of ALL the people I know in this entire world, he had the LEAST experience. Grr.
pomelo / 5178 posts
It doesn't bother me so much anymore, but I do kinda smile to myself when people with literally no experience try to give me parenting advice. I'm definitely grateful to anyone willing to give advice that has actual experience or education in the matter, but babysitting in high school does not make you an expert in child rearing, lol. I keep it to myself, though; most of the time people have good intentions, even if they're completely clueless about the subject.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I also dislike advice from people who were mom's year decades ago because things have changed since then. My cleaning lady insisted that I should sterilize our bottles after every use and said we have to use nursery water. She even told my Grandma who told my mom who bought me nursery water without asking me first, after I told her multiple times we didn't want to use it.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I would be annoyed if the person wasn't an expert. A doula who has never given birth, no problem because she has training. A friend who is just opinionated on birth but never gone through labor would annoy me.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
@blushink: this is one of my pet peeves. I am all for listening and taking advice, but only from people whose experiences I can learn from, not those who speak just because they think so highly of themselves.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I give advice when I feel like it's been solicited. For example, I have a coworker who vents about situations with her child a lot, and sometimes I feel like she's looking for more than, "Oh, wow, that must be hard," over and over, so I'll offer something that someone I know has done or my parents did. She seems to take it pretty well, so hopefully I'm not one of those unsolicited advice giving jerks you all are talking about!
| Today | Monthly Record | |
|---|---|---|
| Topics | 0 | 0 |
| Posts | 1 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
28 comments