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How do you horrify your mom with your parenting?

  1. Bluemasonjar

    clementine / 905 posts

    Surprisingly my Mom has been very supportive and MIL continuously makes passive aggressive comments. First it was the pacifier and now his thumb. She was very concerned about him sleeping with the ceiling fan on and being cold. She even went and turned it off during his nap.

  2. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    We hide a lot of things from my FIL. He has no idea we bed share, for example. He's also VERY pro-spanking, so I can't even imagine how he's going to react to the fact that we won't use punitive discipline at all. Breastfeeding didn't work out, but if we have another I won't wean till at least two. He's going to be HORRIFIED.

    My mom, thankfully, is very willing to go with whatever we decide. My dad, shockingly, has done the same. Before LO was born he was very vocal about sleep training (which we would never do), but he hasn't said a word since. And he 100% knows she wakes up at night because when we were there he saw me getting up for more milk at night.

  3. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    Our parents have been pretty chill and accepting that some things are different than when we were growing up. My mom struggled the most with was us saving bottles DD didn't finish and putting them in the fridge for later. But once our pediatrician confirmed it was fine, she stopped saying anything about it.

  4. Torchwood

    pomelo / 5607 posts

    Oh, and I'm very strongly for gender neutral parenting. I don't think anyone will care much if LO winds up preferring boy clothes, but if we ever have a boy... if he wants to wear girly stuff that is his right, but oh. my. god. my family and DH's will flip the eff out. God forbid we ever have a transgendered kid; I'd have to cut most of both of our families out of our lives.

  5. catlady

    grapefruit / 4988 posts

    I think the major thing was the elimination diet that I did for LO back when she had MSPI. There were alot of veiled comments that basically implied that it would be better for everyone if I ditched the diet and gave her special formula instead.

    Now that she's a toddler, I don't think we do anything that bugs anyone.

  6. Modern Daisy

    grapefruit / 4187 posts

    It's really funny that my Mom and MIL are HORRIFIED and go on and on about DS's bedtime being "so early" (6:30pm) but whenever they are in charge of watching him for the day and putting him down I notice bedtime is suddenly even EARLIER lol. He goes at 200% all day and skips his nap most of the time and is a tantrumming screaming exhausted mess by 6pm. It's all we can do to keep him up until 6:30!

    Otherwise it's the other way around - we are horrified at things they do! Like my MIL going out of her way to drive to the grocery store with DS when she was watching him for the day to buy him peanut butter. She knows he hasn't had this yet (per our doctors instructions) and it could potentially be deadly. Oh and we left the house stocked with food, like stuffed to the gills. Then she doesn't even ask us first and just feeds it to him. Yeah..

  7. mrsrain

    nectarine / 2115 posts

    As a nursing mom the two things that kept coming up were that I fed my daughter too much (nursing on demand), and she was clearly EXTREMELY uncomfortable with my nursing in public. She'd always ask if I wanted to find a private place and then purse her lips when if respond that we were fine right here.

  8. babybysurprise

    cherry / 107 posts

    After my LO was born my mom's exact words were "what do you mean your going back to work?"

    Also, blw totally blew her mind. My inlaws struggles with the blw concept too.

  9. Mama Bird

    pomegranate / 3127 posts

    My mom is horrified that I used to go to great lengths to keep my three year old from screens. I'm not so strict now but still have to ask her not to teach the kid computer games.

    My parents are programmers. They eat, sleep and breathe tech and have 2 or 3 computers each plus tablets and smart phones. They also have a bit of trouble with anything that doesn't involve buttons. Works for them, but no thanks, I'd rather not raise my kids like that

  10. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    My mom thinks that's very weird that we use cold bottles and cold wipes. She was def opinionated about babies only needing to be fed every 4 hrs until alllll the hospital nurses and educational videos talked about breastfeeding every 2 to 3 hours. That helped her be much more supportive. Back when she formula fed me, she only had me every 4 hours, and if I was screaming hungry besides that, she would feed me bottles of water or bottles of tea (!!!) to calm down my stomach.

    My in-laws think that swaddlling is a very weird concept. They also think it's wonderful when babies suck their thumb, & I honestly think it's kind of gross in my personal opinion. I much prefer pacifiers.

  11. Rainbow Sprinkles

    eggplant / 11287 posts

    My mom is horrified that I:
    DOn't do CIO
    Don't start solids until 6 months

  12. YouGotMe

    apricot / 477 posts

    My Mom is horrified that I feed LO grapes, as if I don't cut them up or something

  13. Portboston

    persimmon / 1279 posts

    Baby led weaning. My mom was visiting and watching LO while I was at an appointment. Later she told me he had part of a banana while I was gone. I asked her if he ate it whole. She hesitantly said "no I mashed it up and fed it to him" 😒

  14. PawPrints

    pomegranate / 3658 posts

    @Cole: Your daughter got lead poisoning??

    My mom and MIL are very laid back and mainly keep their thoughts to themselves, but I can tell a few things bug them.

    My mom:
    -I don't put socks on DD for daycare (it's a million degrees in the infant room and they come off instantly anyway)
    -The possibility that I might BF past 12 months
    -Swaddling (she kept commenting at how awful it must be to have your arms strapped down)
    -That we plan on raising our kids in the city and taking them to parks and on hikes for their outdoor time, instead of buying a huge suburban house with a huge backyard

    MIL:
    -That we use natural cleaners (vinegar, thymol) instead of bleach/triclosan
    -DD is taking her time with the gross motor milestones. MIL keeps making comments about how soon she expects her to be doing the next thing, or about how DH's sister was walking by 8 months. What are we going to do, persuade her to try harder? Who cares?
    -That we still have the crib mattress on the middle setting instead of the lowest setting. She really does think that LO is going to spring up and start walking any second. She isn't pulling up to stand yet. When she does, we will.

    Oh and this isn't that he was horrified, but my dad implied that he thought I'd be okay with taking DD on a 10-minute ride in his rental car when she was 4 months old without her car seat being installed. Like that I would just buckle her into a loose car seat that was not attached to the car. He was a little surprised when I was adamant that was not in any way an option.

  15. Cole

    grapefruit / 4649 posts

    @PawPrints: yes her level didn't end up crazy high but it's still scary when you can't figure out where it's coming from. After testing a bunch of stuff it seems incredibly likely that it was the stupid Mardi gras type beads that she loved.

  16. PawPrints

    pomegranate / 3658 posts

    @Cole: Oh my god. How did you even know to get her tested? That must have been so scary.

  17. Corduroy

    pomelo / 5245 posts

    That I WOH and LOs go to daycare. Funny, she doesn't seem bothered at all that DH sits at home one day a week without the kids.

    She's horrified by how early I "let" my kids wake up. But when she stays over and she hears them make a peep she get them up even before the wake up clock.

    I'm so glad my mom isn't going to be at our play place birthday party this weekend. I'm picking up grocery store cupcakes on the way there and calling it good. I'm not even sure I can show her pictures from the party.

  18. Tanjowen

    nectarine / 2521 posts

    That I enforce a sleep schedule. The days she keeps him she delights in telling me about how he didn't want to nap until 2 p.m....and then he wakes up at 4:30 p.m. and refuses to go to bed at his normal time and he's a hot mess. It's a continuing issue.

    The one we really got into an argument about was she told me I should spank LO when he was having sleep troubles and kept screaming until I had to go settle him. NO.

  19. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    It seems like BLW is horrifying for a lot of grandmas out there!
    @DesertDreams88: oh my gosh, tea!!
    @PawPrints: it's not really funny but i'm laughing out loud at the idea that you would not put your child in a car seat for just a short little 10 minute ride!
    @Cole: ahh I'm sorry about the lead! That is scary!
    @Tanjowen: oh man, spanking for sleep training. that's a new one!
    @catlady: Been there and MSPI diet hard enough without people giving you shit for it!
    @Mrs.KMM: I do the same with saving bottles. I hate it when LO doesn't finish a bottle at daycare and they dump it out

  20. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    @travellingbee: haha, don't mess with a boy and his sticks!
    @cherrybee: bum seems so euphemistic to me already! Maybe it's the English equivalent of saying butt though?
    @travelgirl1: ha, I must admit that that's the phrase I use with DH to indicate I gotta go #2 But for our baby and pets, it's all poop all the time
    @lovehoneybee @eko:I was definitely nervous that my in-laws were going to be upset that we're not baptizing our daughter. Thankfully if they are they haven't said anything!
    @HLK208: don't they know that moms can hear through bedroom doors!

  21. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    BLW freaked her out. She also always thinks I don't dress LO warm enough.

  22. .twist.

    pineapple / 12802 posts

    They're all pretty good about how we raise L. The one thing I did notice was how strict I was about his sleep schedule. We had a crappy sleeper, we sleep trained and he started sleeping like an angel. I don't think they realised how much relief I felt having a good sleeper, finally. So they would give me a hard time and say stuff like "oh, one late night won't hurt". and every late night, that wasn't supposed to hurt, HURT the next day. cranky, early risings, or multiple night wakings. So, I said no way, we aren't doing that. They thought I was nuts.

  23. BadgerMom

    persimmon / 1385 posts

    That I put poopy cloth diapers in my washing machine. She uses disposable when LO's with her but I must have forgot and sent him in a cloth. She had to call me and tell me how bad it was and that I should just throw it away because I just can't put it in the washing machine it was so bad. I threw it in with all the rest and couldn't even tell which one it was when they came out of the dryer. 🙄

  24. mamabolt

    nectarine / 2797 posts

    That I BF until she was 3 and RF her carseat for even longer.

  25. youboots

    honeydew / 7622 posts

    @Eko: my Mom 'baptized' my DD in their hottub. No joke.

  26. Jess1483

    nectarine / 2639 posts

    My parents are amazing at letting us do our thing, but for some reason, extended RFing really threw them for a loop. It's literally the ONLY parenting thing my mom has commented on (and I've actually begged her for advice at times.) They continued to do what I asked, but I let them flip the car seat in her car at 2 (it really wasn't a good seat for extended RFing anyway). Then I read that article about internal decapitation and keeping them RFing until 4 and sent it to my mom. She got totally stressed out and said she'd flip it back around (LO is 3.5). I told her it was fine, but that's why I kept him that way.

    My dad was kind of ridiculous about me using white noise. I finally just had to tell him that it was my call and he had to handle it. He hasn't said anything since. He has hearing damage from growing up on a farm, so I think he's just being protective, but holy crap, it was driving me nuts.

  27. JCCovi

    kiwi / 705 posts

    My mom was really bothered by extended rear facing. My daughter is only 2.5 and I finally sent her some information in it so she's let it go.

    When my daughter was first born both my parents were big into letting her cry, no comforting her immediately, etc. That was all theoretical, in actuality any time she cried my Mom wanted me to spring across the room and feed her.

    I think my Mom would prefer I stayed home with the kids instead of WOH with a nanny.

    My MIL and FIL wish we bed shared. My FIL said 'you don't love your children unless you cosleep.'

    I think there's a lot more of the IL side but I can't think of it right now!

  28. abbydabbydoodlebug

    nectarine / 2636 posts

    My MIL was also horrified that we didn't baptize DD as a baby (she will choose on her own when or if she wants to get baptized). She brought it up multiple times and was very persistent about. I think that's the only thing though. Luckily, her daughter was pregnant around the same time as me and is very up to date on what's the "norm" now, so I didn't have to worry about that since my SIL would explain everything to her.

  29. Finfan

    persimmon / 1436 posts

    My mom has not actually said anything but I can tell by her face that she disapproves of our positive discipline style.

    DH's parents think I am too strict about giving treats. Well, the problem is they see the kids every day and it stops being a treat if it is every single day.

  30. Ms. RV

    pear / 1930 posts

    I bring LO everywhere she's welcome (we are currently hanging out in a waiting room while my car is inspected) rather than having someone else (including OH) watch her on the weekends. Also, babywearing. I don't get that one.

  31. Mrs. J

    pomelo / 5132 posts

    BLW. I mean she saw how well our oldest did, but she's freaking out again with LO2.

    Not wearing a winter coat in the car. Blows her mind because "we were fine", but she will let it go so long as they are bundled up and with 20 blankets.

    Not cutting my two year old's grapes.

    She was at first horrified by LO using a little potty instead of just an insert, but she's gotten over it.

  32. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    @youboots: oh my. Totes something Jesus would have done

  33. petitenoisette

    pear / 1521 posts

    @BadgerMom: I feel you on the cloth diaper disbelief. But its like, if they came out all disgusting and poopy looking still then I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be a thing anymore, fast.

  34. Happygal

    pomelo / 5000 posts

    My MIL will share the different ways she parented and follow up by saying, "But we were hippies!" I'm sure she had thoughts about us letting our daughter cry in her crib for a little bit b/c they did the family bed and she let them nurse from her whenever they wanted. She also seemed to get twitchy watching me feed my daughter when younger, saying, "She really wants to feed herself!" and asking me if she wanted a bunch of different types of food she had around.

  35. Rockies11

    persimmon / 1363 posts

    My mom can't stand BLW, so I just let her feed the LOs when she is around. She also finds co-sleeping mysterious - we were in our own beds in our own rooms from day 1.

    My MIL... disapproves of virtually everything that we have ever done and do. She believes there is only one way to do all things, and it is the way that she knows how to do it. She makes comments on all aspects of our parenting whenever she is around. She will not accept any instructions from us on how to do anything. Babies sleep on their stomachs, and they drink water from bottles, full stop. So I don't leave her alone with them anymore.

  36. alphagam84

    persimmon / 1087 posts

    My MIL is horrified that we aren't having DD baptized. She said we were being selfish. And they keep trying to get us to hang a cross in our house.

  37. QBbride

    pomegranate / 3192 posts

    My MIL makes all sorts of passive aggressive comments about our/my parenting 🙄

    My faves:
    -doesn't understand extended rear facing (my SIL flipped her kids around right at 12 months). Once she picked us up at the airport and she had installed the seat forward facing when she new full well that DS was still rear facing. I turned it back around before we started driving

    -"extended" breastfeeding (or breastfeeding at all, I think)

    -baby led weaning

    -not sleep training

    -sending DS to daycare (3x/week) while I'm on maternity leave so I can keep his spot and guarantee a spot for DD (infant spots are super hard to come by around here)

  38. sometimesshesings

    apricot / 358 posts

    My MIL is amazing and totally supportive of our decisions. In fact, she always compliments our parenting!

    My mom, on the other hand, has made comments about BLW (a common one, it seems!), the fact that we try to limit sweets, screen time, and too many toys, and especially that we're not raising the kids in the religion I grew up with. I think she feels like our different parenting choices are a direct criticism of her, which isn't true in most cases.

  39. Eko

    nectarine / 2148 posts

    @youboots: that's hilarious! I'm surprised my mom tried that. she probably has poured holy water or something over his head while she babysat him at one point.

  40. mfa_lady

    pomegranate / 3921 posts

    @Cherrybee: She'd REALLY hate me, then! Every night in the bath, I tell DD to "Sit down on your booty!" Granted, I might have to stop that once she's a little older, but... LOLOLOL.

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