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We are doing the same. My stress level when I have a ton of laundry to do is infinitely lower than my stress level around my MIL. DH is taking a month off, so he'll be home too and can run out for whatever we need. I might eat my words later, but this is what I'm comfortable with.

@MamaMoose: This is pretty much how my MIL was.

It was so helpful to have her there to cook for us and clean. She cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, vacuumed, pretty much everything. It gave us time to focus on the baby without having to worry about all of that.

@septemberlove: It really sounds like you have a handle on what you want!! It is totally not a bad thing to not want help. The first few weeks as a family with a newborn are really beautiful and important and tough. Sometimes when help is around, it actually doesn't help because they're doing things you don't really see as necessary and it adds to the tension in the house (they want to play with the baby when you know the baby needs to sleep, etc).

With my first my parents came for a month. My mom basically cooked every meal and cleaned and did laundry. At night my parents slept and we were on our own, and during the day, whenever the baby woke up we'd change him and bring him downstairs, where my dad would hold him while we napped upstairs. Then when the baby was ready to eat again he'd bring him to us. That was pretty nice, and my parents got to spend time with the baby.

With my second my mom was with us for a month, then basically stayed with us for five months and took care of her during the day while I worked. For the first month my mom again just cooked and did laundry. It was a bit of a struggle with Wagon Jr. because he didn't want to eat or nap for my mom, so I'd end up taking care of both kids. We ended up putting Wagon Jr. back in daycare earlier than we expected.

If you are ok on food and cleaning, I'd say you're not naive to think you don't need help. You can keep laundry going on an ongoing basis, especially if it's close at hand! In the beginning you're going to be doing a lot of it but teeny tiny clothes = teeny tiny laundry loads.

when i was pregnant, i thought i only wanted me and DH to bond with baby alone for the first few weeks, but since my family lives in another state, my mom had to book a flight right around my due date because i wanted her to meet the baby right away. honestly, i could not have done it without her and i wish she could have stayed a whole month or even 2! she was SO SO helpful and it was so nice having someone make dinners, clean up, hold baby while me and DH napped and spent time together, of if i wanted to shower. you will need all the help you can get, so i say take it. however, i have an amazing relationship with my mom and she was never pushy or told me how to do things. she was just immensely helpful and i seriously couldnt have done it without her. i was sooo overwhelmed and i was so grateful she was there to help me, show me tricks, help me breastfeed, etc.

For me, I would 100% recommend having SOMEONE there with you those first 2 weeks. That could just be DH but for me, he had to go right back to work. So it was almost a requirement that my mom be there with me. Things I needed help on that could have come from either my mom or DH:

1. Company - You want someone that will keep you company but not drive you insane. Someone that you can ask questions to (Am I doing this right?).
2. Outings - We had to go to the doctor in the first week home and there is no way I would have wanted to do that alone. Just having help getting ready to go out and actually there and back was great.
3. Feedings - I 100% BF but I still needed help. I would need to sit down (carefully because I was recovering) and someone would bring me LO. Then of course I would forget something, like a burp rag, so that support person was around to go grab it without me needing to complete get up and get it.
4. Meals - Unless it was something I could grab off the counter or someone else prepared it, I didn't eat it. My mom was great at getting a cup of yogurt and spoon to me, a sandwich at lunch, etc.
5. Breaks/Baby Support - Sometimes the baby is crying and they just need someone different. Its great for moms to have a break.

Do you live close to family or would they have to stay with you? I think that could make a big difference. I wouldn't have wanted anyone here 24/7, but all of our family lives close by so it was SO nice to have their help, but then have them leave when we needed some alone/family time.

I'm sure you can do it with just the two of you-- plenty of people do--but I wouldn't want to. Having the support and help of our families over the first two weeks was invaluable to us. That love, support, and help really helped me keep the baby blues under control. I might've lost it without them!

I'm like you, I'm in the "just me and DH" camp. My DH is getting a month off work when the baby comes and I was looking forward to it being this adventure, just the three of us, eating snacks in bed at 3am and ordering pizza for dinner. It was going to be like this great big slumber party, where we hang out in our pajamas all day and stay up all night.

Unfortunately, I'm getting "help" whether I like it or not. Or interference as I call it. Daily. And that help is bringing casserole... I mean, who eats casserole at a slumber party???

(I'm an ungrateful cow, arent I?!! lol)

I tbink I've said this before, but our moms sound a lot alike

Threads like this make me nervous because we will be flying solo too. When my parents DO come to visit, I am making them stay in a hotel because they're overbearing and I think it is for the best. I know it will stress me out to have her over 24/7 (she would not come without my dad), constantly advising me. What I want is for little elves to come clean for me part of me wants help but NOT if the help will elevate my stress level (which I know would happen). It's a catch 22 and you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I find these magic elves, I will send them your way lol

Here's what I'm thinking though. We're going to hire someone to come clean. I may ask my MIL to do a load of wash when she drops by. But I don't see her just cooking and cleaning. I feel like everyone will be all "oh poor new mom" but no one will offer to do the dirty work haha. BUT, know that if you get very overwhelmed, you can hire a post partum doula. Many in my area will do errands, do some laundry, and cook something for a new mom for an hourly fee. It could really be a lifesaver if you are really stressed out. So you have options!

If you don't get lots of help, you are not alone

DH and I specifically requested that we have some time alone with our baby before visitors came to stay. DH had two weeks of paternity leave and we had all of that time to ourselves and LOVED it! It was nice to figure out what to do with our LO without others offering advice, well-intentioned though it would be. It was also a wonderful bonding time.

My mom came to visit when DD was exactly two weeks old and stayed for eight weeks (we live in Australia and she lives in the US, so it's quite the journey!) It was great having her here as she did a lot of the housework, most of the cooking and grocery shopping, and was happy to watch DD whilst I took a nap or whatever. If she hadn't been able to stay, we would have been fine, but it was nice having the help, and to see her bond with her first grandchild etc.

For us though, having those two weeks alone with the baby were absolutely essential. We cherished that time alone with our baby and were so happy we didn't have any visitors during that time.

@photojane: Course it's like a slumber party! Oh and birth doesn't hurt either! See what I'm doing here, I'm extending the techniques I've read in my Hypnobirthing book to all aspects of motherhood. Now repeat after me "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" ** with my fingers in my ears, drowning everyone out**

@photojane: I'm just gonna sneeze at dead on 40 weeks (maybe 38.5) and it'll fall out - fully dressed and STTN. That's my plan!

DH and I were mostly alone with LO the first 2 weeks. It was okay, but I wish I'd hired a cleaning lady to come once! We had visits from family, and they brought us food, plus we could walk to the store, and we did. The only other place we went was the pediatrician. It's an exhausting time, but it went fairly smoothly.

My mom stayed with us for almost two weeks and it was super helpful. She was sick with a cold much of that time, so she couldn't directly help with the baby, but she cooked for us and woke up with me at night sometimes for moral support (even though she just wore a mask and stood in the hallway). It was such a special time and I loved having her there!

I think this all depends on you and your preference and it sounds like you have a handle on it!

For me-- My parents stayed with us for the first month. My mom stayed an entire week, then commuted the following few weeks to work from our place.

She cooked, cleaned, laundried. She also watched LO so DH and I could get in a shower every day, and even get out for a breather like grocery shopping, etc.

I'm so glad that I had the company and the help. Especially after I started to pump, she took night duty sometimes and I was able to get consecutive hours of sleep.

I'm 7 Wks pp and my mom came for 5 days in the 2nd week. My mil came over for a day when he was a week old when DH was away for work for 2 days- they were both HUGE helps. My church also brought us meals every other day for 2 weeks, so that was super helpful!

Now that we are in the thick of growth spurts and wonder weeks, I am sooo glad I made a bunch of freezer meals and that we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week.

I understand your desire to go it alone, but I think I would probably err on the side of caution. I think it's scarier to want/need help and not have any on hand, which is worse than maybe being annoyed at having someone else around. But, that's just me, and I do have a great relationship with my mom.

I did not expect to have such trouble with breastfeeding or a serious case of baby blues. I was an absolute mess and at the end of my mom's 2 week stay I was dreading her departure. For me, personally, the two month period post partum was the most challenging of my life. I think it's totally possible to go it alone, but it's nice to have the option of help, too.

I wanted help but we didnt have any. Our family live maybe about an hour or so away from us but they all had to work. DH had to work after I gave birth to DD. It was hard being a first time mom and I was lonely. We dont have a washing machine in our apt so I ended up having DH take the laundry to be done for us. Any thing i needed like TP or paper towels I had delivered through amazon (prime). I had dog food, cat food litter everything you name it it was delivered.

If you have people who can help, I would say take it. Try it out for the first week and see how you feel. I forgot to mention I had an unplanned c section and I was in a lot of pain.

DH and I were alone the first 4 days of LO's birth (LO came early, and my mom's flight was booked on his due date!) and when my mom finally arrived i think we both cried because we were so happy and relieved. it made a WORLD of difference to have her there to cook, clean, bring me water while BF'ing, help me get baby latched on (seriously, it took 2 ppl to get baby latched on properly every time for the first 2 weeks! ouch!), etc!
by far the most helpful thing she did for us was to take care of LO EVERY night during his 'witching hour' when he was simply inconsolable. after i nursed, she would rock him and hold him for up to 2 or 3 hours and then tip toe into our room and put him down to sleep while DH and I were zonked out
she was there for a month, and then my dad came for the last 2 months she was there too. there were 5 of us living in a 2 bedroom basement tiny apt, but it was well worth it

i think the best thing to come out of it was that we got a lot closer through the experience. and i guess when i put myself in her shoes, I'm her LO and darn it I would want to be there during this precious time in her/his life

of course this is just my experience and i totally respect what anyone chooses to do! it was definitely sweet (bittersweet? hehe) during those first 4 days alone together, too lots of crying!