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This has been one of my biggest struggles through all our troubles since LO#1. We had a surprise pregnancy when she had just turned one, and we were both super excited at having our children close in age. We lost that pregnancy at 23 weeks and things went downhill from there. I felt the months creeping by and after having another miscarriage 9 months later, I started mourning the loss of children with a close age gap. We did get pregnant again, 14 months after losing our little girl, with the help of some medications and I'm due next week. Our children will be close to 3.5 years apart. I'm just thankful now that I get to be a mom to two children because for awhile I wasn't sure I would be. I'm also excited to see my DD with the new baby. She's at a great age and understands what's going on and I know she'll be a big help. Best wishes to you. It always seemed like all my friends got to "plan" out their family and timelines but that doesn't work for us all.

I had hoped for a 3 year age gap but we're now looking at about 4.5 years. I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy with LO2 and DS constantly tells me he doesn't want a baby sister in our family and that he's worried we won't love him when his baby sister arrives. I cringe every time I hear that because I really wish we'd had LO2 before he really had a grasp of what was going on.

I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm so fortunate to be coming out of this struggle on the other side and that siblings will be close or distant based on factors unrelated to age. I'm 1 of 4 girls and my youngest sister is 4 years younger than me and we are definitely close as adults (ironically, I'm least close to my sibling who is slightly over a year older than me). I suppose I should focus on my own personal experience rather what I think might happen.

Best of luck to you. I'd say try to let go of the ideal age gap but I still struggle with it myself so I know the loss of control isn't easy.

Not dx with infertility at this point, but currently struggling with this, so I can relate. We waited until LO was almost 3 to try and are now 6 months in to TTC with no pregnancy so far. I didn't have a set age gap in mind, but while I understand it can take time to get pregnant, actually being here and experiencing it feels different. I feel like the stress is both that of feeling myself getting older and of feeling the age gap getting larger. I know once the second child comes along we will be fine, but I struggle not knowing if/when it will happen.

We wanted a 2 year gap and got a 2.5 year gap. Not bad, and now that I look back on it, I'm really happy with it. DS didn't understand much at the beginning. Now, he's head over heels in love with her and started getting attached/understanding towards the end of my pregnancy.

I got my IUD out right after DD's second birthday hoping for around a 3 year age gap. It took a year and one MC to get pregnant with DS, who is now 6 m, and the age gap between him and DD is 3y9m. I definitely had some sadness over the size of the gap and worrying about if they would be close. But I realized that I couldn't make them closer in age, so I focused on the positive. Only one in diapers! DD was able to understand the pregnancy and be excited for DS and could entertain herself for a short time while I met DS's needs. Now that he's more interactive they are starting to play together a little and I think it will only increase as he starts sitting more and crawling. She's adjusted pretty well. My only real regret is that I missed the chance to have two children napping at the same time since DD gave them up! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy soon!

@delight: I hear you (& I totally get it) - but so far, 3.5 years between the girls is amazing xx

@catlady: I"m so glad you said that last part. My sister and I are 4 years apart, and of all my siblings, we are now closest as we get older.

I wanted 2.5 year age gap. At best, we are looking at an almost 4 year age gap.