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We'd have that conversation prior to them going to college, i.e., what our expectations are from them and that funding their education could be taken at any time.

My mom's co-worker made his 4 kids take out loans. If they did well and graduated, he paid them off. If they didn't, they dealt with the loan himself. He said he wasn't going to basically just hand over that much money to an 18 year old. Not a bad plan, honestly.

Yes. LO slacking off isn't an option

My father would have dragged my @$$ home so fast I wouldn't know what hit me. THEN, I would have had to pay them back. That would NOT have flown in my house.

@Weagle: my parents did something similar, sort of. They paid some in cash, we had some scholarships, and we all took out loans. Once we graduated, my dad paid the loans for a year, until we got on our feet. Not a bad plan at all-that way, I had a stake in it from the very beginning!

If they fail out, they will have to come home and work for the remainder of the year until they can get their act together to return when they have matured.

As my mother told me, : "it's a long, cold winter pushing carts" (one summer job was at the local grocery store returning carts from the parking lot. I hated it and I would have had to return to it had I failed out of school!

@sunny: oh, I'm not saying I would cut off my kid for getting bad grades in hard courses if they were legitimately trying! I know that's completely unfair. I guess I care more about effort, which can be hard to judge from a distance, I know. If my child is working hard, then go for it! Take a risk on a hard class. But if the bad grades come from a lack of effort and too much booze-that would warrant a LONG talk from me.

@Weagle: DH's mom did that!

@Weagle: I think that's a great idea! My husband's grandfather made the same deal with him and his sister. She dropped out after a semester and was stuck with the bill. My husband got a full ride to college. So he needed up not paying for either of them

@sunny: my husband says he got so much flack for not getting all As in college. He was like "everyone is dropping out of these classes and I'm getting a B which is actually really good" but they didn't understand.

@sandy: My great-grandfather told all of his grandsons, but not granddaughters, that he would pay their full ride if they went to law school. My mom and one other cousin were the only two that ended up finishing college. She wanted to go to law school but couldn't pay for it. Her cousin ended up in med school and took on those loans himself.

@Weagle: this is our plan. Also DS will not know that we intend to help him so that he has all the incentive to not waste any time.

@Weagle: This is our plan as well. You do well, and we will help you out, if you don't, too bad!

As bad as it may sound, our financial support will be with conditions and we will end support if things aren't going according to plan. I don't care what my kid studies or how much of a workload it takes him (5years vs 4 for example), I just want him to do well and give it his all. He will be an adult and college maps out his future, so yes, I will do anything to encourage his good participation. And if he refuses (partying, not attending classes...) then no money for you, buddy.

@Weagle: I really like that idea. My plan was to take the loans in our own names and have my children pay me back if their grades weren't high enough. Though, since it's already in my name, there's no motivation for them pay it.

@blackbird: Stats 2 nearly killed me. And I definitely wouldn't have taken a risk of taking Computer Graphics (one of the hardest 3 classes in my program) if financial help was contingent on an A. Taking that class and getting a C was considered a job well done and landed me an interview with my first company (and where I worked for 8 years!). The recruiter gave everyone an automatic interview who took one of the 3 killer classes in my program because you were no slouch if you attempted those.

So...

I'm not positive what we would do. But I feel like we would probably continue to pay their tuition. If we stopped, they would be more likely to drop out, which isn't what I want.

I just need to think about what ELSE I would do to get them back on the right track. I want my children to go to college and graduate (and do WELL) and I don't think taking their tuition from them will help them reach the end goal, regardless of their mistakes. We'd have to figure out what to do together (and maybe the decision might be that they don't WANT to continue going to college, in which case, then of course we'll stop, but I don't want to take that option away from them).

@Adira: believe me, I get your sentiment but just as an example: my 19 year old brother right now has just gotten back to school fulltime. He goofed off his first semester and my stepdad gave him another chance. And then he goofed off that 2nd semester. So my stepdad is like "I'm paying for your school so you can STUDY on the weekends instead of work. But your not doing either and you're partying every weekend!" So he didn't pay for last fall and my brother could only afford a class or 2. You better believe he came back BEGGING and now he knows not to take it for granted. We expected him to fuck up that first year, but my parents taught him a swift lesson and now he's doing much better!

Hmm, I'm not sure.

I was a really good, studious kid in high school but my second year of college wasn't so great. I didn't fail or anything , but I did end up with the lowest grades of my life. My parents could have chosen to cut me off, but instead we had a very long, serious talk that left me feeling like complete shit for wasting their hard earned money And made me clean up my act, stat. I think their sadness and disappointment hurt more than any anger they could have displayed.

@weagle . I must be living in a bubble because none of my friends did this and I feel like I had enough conversations with my parents that they would have known!

@Weagle: That's an awesome idea!

My parents paid every cent of my college education which was incredibly generous of them since I didn't choose the cheapest school or city to live in. They were very involved from a distance and really tried to maintain relationship with me despite the fact we were a 4 hour plane ride (24 hour drive) apart and I think that involvement and their generosity helped propel me to working hard in school. I knew that the occasional screw up at school or C (of which I only had a couple) wasn't going to be the end of the world in their minds but I also knew that if risky behaviors or bad grades became the norm, they'd be wanting to know what was up and WHY! I hope to have a similar relationship with my kids when they are at that age.

We are planning to pay for colleges, but we will have contingency and penalty plans along with outlined expectations in place for being irresponsible, it isn't just free money that they will get. That said, we both screwed around a fair amount in college- we had a blast and were still successful, so I do have some expectations for that too.