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@IRunForFun: Oh mama, it's so hard! I had similar issues with DS1, and ended up pushing through and nursing (it got better around, hm...6 weeks?), but I've often reflected that, as much as I enjoyed our future nursing relationship, that terrible hard part in the beginning may not have been worth it. It made me feel inadequate and I was so sleep-deprived I didn't really enjoy the first few weeks.

Sorry, not exactly the perspective you were looking for, but just wanted you to know that whatever decision you make is the right one!

I gave up after 2 weeks with Dd1 and EPed and supplemented for 6 months. I didn't/don't regret it at all. For a while I felt like I had to justify myself or maybe felt like I *should* feel guilty, but 100% knew I did what was right for me. Now that she's 3.5, I honestly don't even think about it anymore.

DD2 I didn't even try BFimg, i just EPed and FFed for 5 months. I would have FF both girls from the get go but wanted to save money so pumped as much as I could.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I was there, too. Formula was a sanity saver for me and I am forever grateful for it.

You have my sympathy! Between DS and I, we had a lot of issues breastfeeding and had reached the same place as you - I was mentally dreading him waking up and hating every second of the actual feeding, and I think my anxiety and pain were keeping us from bonding as well as we could have at the beginning. We ended up eventually switching to exclusive formula feeding, and it was absolutely, without a doubt, the best choice for us - I wish I hadn't held out as long as I did. We started with offering a couple formula feeds at night so I/my nipples were able to rest a little more - maybe that'd be a good compromise for you? But for us, we switched to exclusively formula feeding within about a week - I couldn't believe how much happier I was and DS was absolutely thriving, because he was getting more food (and getting it easier and quicker than I was able to supply him with.)

I definitely agonized about it for a while because it wasn't what I had envisioned, but that was just the first of many things motherhood has taught me that I don't have control of. We're expecting DS2 next month, and I'm planning to try breastfeeding again, but I already have some newborn formula at home, in case it doesn't work - there's no way I'm putting myself through that again. You gotta do what's right for you and your LO, regardless of what you thought you'd do!

@IRunForFun: Can you use the bigger flange and just lean forward a bit? I know that's not ideal but if it helps your nipples heal that would be good!
Another alternative could be hand expressing. I know that would take forever but at least you wouldn't have the pain.

Triage what you need to handle.

1. Feed baby. Get a Dr Browns bottle with a premie nipple and give her formula for a few days while you handle your wounds. Make your husband handle some night feedings.

2. Focus on healing the nips ASAP. Get diflucan for the thrush, air out your boobs, use the APNO and lanolin.

3. While you are healing hand express since pumping won't work right now. Collect what you can and feed it to the baby.

4. If you decide you are happier formula feeding then go for it. If you want to try some more, as you begin to heal get a nipple shield for feedings and add pumping to stimulate more milk. If you want to combo feed, that's fine too. Giving DS1 formula and pumped milk in bottles saved my nursing relationship because I could enjoy nursing him for cuddles and soothing while not being stressed about his intake (he had reflux and weight issues). DS2 is a good nurser but I still give him some formula because I liked the flexibility of being able to do both.

I tried with DD for 8 weeks, I had had a breast reduction as a teenager so most of my problems came from that. I tried everything - so I ended up pumping like crazy. Day and night, constantly sanitizing equipment & bottles. I had no sleep.

It was so hard, and I beat myself up and it really weighed on me feeling that pressure to be able to exclusively BF.

Ultimately, I transitioned her to formula and I'm happy I did. It's not the right decision for everyone but it was for our family and the LO.

She really flourished, we all got more sleep and just were a happier family in general.

moral of the story - do what is right for you xoxo

just my two cents.

I BFed for just a few weeks for each before switching to EFF and have ZERO regrets, except for the fact that I was apparently making them starve before that because I was too committed to BFing. They are both super healthy and wonderful now (as they were then too).

There were so many reasons I stopped, but it came down to:

1. Bonding. LO1 wouldn't latch so I was attempting to BF, then give formula, then pump. I was hooked up to the pump all the time and it took 20 mins of nothing before letdown, so I had to pump for 45 mins each time to get the milk out. I would hear him crying and have to decide whether to go to him or keep pumping for this "liquid gold." I eventually realized that probably the most important part of being a parent is being there for your kid when they need you, so I quit and started being able to be a much more present, happy and rested parent.

2. Lack of evidence for the benefits of BFing. I had so much time hooked up to the pump I was able to dig into the research behind the benefits that are so often touted for BFing, and realized that the data is actually pretty thin. I don't recall exactly, but it was something like if you had 100 BFed babies and 100 FF babies, 9 of the BFed babies would get diarrhea in the first year compared to 13 FF. In places with clean water, there's just not really a difference.

After I stopped BFing I was 1000x happier. I could feed on a more predictable schedule. My husband and I could take shifts. I had energy to read and sing to my LOs. Formula was not all that inconvenient. And best of all, they started gaining weight properly and were happier.

I really liked the Fearless Formula Feeder book/website/FB page. Also the Fed is Best Foundation has some good resources.

Congrats on your baby!!!

LO never latched really well from the beginning, so right from the start I was exclusively pumping. Around 3 or 4 weeks we figured out she has a milk sensitivity and so we switched to formula while I continued to pump (& freeze). It took another 2 weeks or so and we decided that the formula (Similac sensitive) was helping and so I weaned myself from pumping.

It was what was best for my LO. She is happy and growing just fine

I was very strongly committed to breastfeeding both before and after having DD1. I kind of fell into exclusive pumping because she was so jaundiced for the first 2 months and wouldn't nurse/couldn't transfer. I definitely wish I had tried harder and pushed for more consultations with the lactation consultant, because EPing was HARD and super stressful and nursing would have been so much more convenient had I managed to make it work.

As for the pumping, have you tried lubing your flanges with coconut oil or lanolin? It helps keep them from rubbing as much, so maybe it might be worth a try?

Hope things get easier for you soon, one way or another!

@IRunForFun: I will start with saying I didn't read all the comments!

My DS (3.5 months)
Was never a good nurser. He was given a bottle and formula in NICU for 4 days.
I would try and try and he juts didn't do well, so I supplemented with pumping and formula.
As he got older BM just never seemed to fill him up and I would send 40-60mins nursing then pump 2-3 oz only to have him still cry for more and give formula
we did this for 4 weeks
I gave formual and pumped as much as I could
I always kept nursing him and around 6-8 weeks he was doing great nursing then.......he started up again and I gave in
With my DD (2) we just didn't have the time.
DS is 90% FF I still pump or nurse 1 a day to keep him getting some but to be honest I see that stopping when I go back to work in 2 weeks! He is healthy happy and such a sweet boy!
I too was worried about the bonding, since DD was EBF but we bond just the same!

If you do pump, use coconut oil instead of lanolin to lube up before you pump. It will help drastically.

Knowing how hard it has been for you, I'd say do what helps with your sanity! But to have no regrets, maybe just set a realistic time frame that you are wiling to try till. Whether that be a week, two weeks, a month... Up to you! Just whatever you're comfortable with. I think having an "end date" to your misery will help, and maybe it will get better by that date that you will say, hey, let's give it another week!

Do not feel bad (I know it's inevitable, but don't dwell) if you decide to just stop and go full time formula!

I hated pumping. Absolutely hated it. My nipple flanges never quite felt like the right fit, which made pumping painful and sometimes messy. Pumping was inconvenient. Once I returned to work I knew BFing was going to be sacrificed. The best thing I did was follow advice on HB and let it happen naturally.

@Charm54: I totally agree!!! I have a very similar story, except despite not being successful with breast feeding #1, I tried with #2. After 3 weeks I pumped and fed baby a combo of formula and breastmilk. By 3 months DS2 was 100% formula fed. No regrets!

I very much wanted to nurse my boys, but it didn't work out. Both were tongue-tied, I got mastitis, I had LC visits, tried SNS systems, tried finger feeding my son, and my mental health and happiness deteriorated. I put SO much pressure on myself and in he end it doesn't F-ing matter!!! A fed baby is a healthy baby. A happy mama= a happy family.

Well, hindsight is 20/20 and I know now that my son's issues not latching were related to an undiagnosed tongue tie. I blamed myself and my low supply, but I didn't know, no one of the nurses or LCs thought to check, and here we are, 6 years later.

The guilt is tremendous in the beginning, I am not going to sugarcoat it. I thought I would have had no issues, it's normal, natural, humans all over the world do it. But when it didn't work for me, I blamed myself. As my son has gotten older, it's been less and less of an issue. In this case, time does heal those wounds.

We went to formula fed at seven weeks after I had horrendous supply issues. I don't regret it. DD is very healthy and it saved my entire family's mental health. It took a while to get over the guilt but that was largely due to needing an SSRI and not being on one at the time.

I just want to voice my support. I had some horribly beat up/bleeding nipples and lots of appointments with my LC. They gave me some kind of prescription cream that really helped.

Whatever you choose don't beat yourself up. Those difficult memoirs are so far in my past- I rarely think/cringe over them anymore. A happy Mom and fed baby are priority in my opinion.