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@IRunForFun: Just walled you!

BFing is so rough. No one prepares you for the difficulties. I gave up Bfing with LO1 at around 4 weeks. I was a wreck and my baby was miserable. I did combo feeding with formula and EPing. I was really disappointed at the time, but after a couple months had passed, I realized I had no reason to be disappointed. My baby was fed, I knew exactly how much she was getting, and I had no regrets.

Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, I realized there will always be different issues. If you breastfeed, you might have bottle rejection. If you bottle feed, you might feel disappointed that you don't have that experience. With LO1 I bottle fed. With LO2 I'm breastfeeding now, but I'm anxious about how much she is getting, if she's getting enough hindmilk, and she is also rejecting the bottle.

As someone else said, fed is best.

I could've written your post. Had most of the same issues. I stuck it out until 8 weeks, literally crying through most nursing sessions because it was so painful. I ultimately quit because my daughter had MSPI and I had low supply anyways. Looking back, I want to tell myself I should've quit earlier. I made myself, my husband, and my daughter miserable because I was just so sure I could make it work. And I didn't. So what was the point? But at the same time if it had worked out, somehow, I think it would've been worth it. I'm pregnant again and I have no idea how hard I'll try this time. I want to say that if it isn't working pretty early I'm just quitting because I'm not going to ruin the newborn phase for myself again being in so much pain. But that drive to want to do it is hard to overcome. My vote is just go with your gut. If you want to be done, BE DONE. If you want to try a little more, go for it. Either way, you're doing a really good job. And your LO will be just fine either way.

@IRunForFun: PS they do make a prescription nipple cream I wouldnt have known about if a friend hadn't told me. Call your OB and ask for a Rx - it has a numbing agent/pain killer in it!

Okay so it's not exactly the same, because I have IGT and learned after four days of starving my daughter and ten more of pumping every two hours I produce practically no milk- like 10ml was my max. HOWEVER. I can vouch for formula- it's amazing, my daughter is healthy/happy/brilliant. We are as bonded as we can possibly be- no way on earth would the way she got fed that first year impact how much we love each other.

I loved knowing exactly how much she was eating, being able to make the days worth of formula in our pitcher, put it in the fridge, and pour as we went. I loved watching other people get to feed her and share in that experience. I loved that the pressure to keep her thriving wasn't entirely on me.

I went through an incredible amount of sorrow and guilt for not providing "the best" and not getting the experience I anticipated, so I completely understand the hesitation you're going through. I don't want to come off as antibreastfeedinng, because I think whichever way you chose to feed your child is great! But if you aren't enjoying it, and you think you'd be a happier more present mother using formula, I can't recommend it enough. What's best for your baby is YOU, no matter the milk source. We are lucky enough to live in a time when a completely amazing alternative to breastmilk exists, there is absolutely no shame is using it.

Also, I had PPD and PPA with my first. I kno it now and don't feel bad but I didn't know it for awhile! It's tough. Take care of yourself! (ETA: recruit and accept help.)

I quit at 3 weeks and EPed for another 3 weeks. wrote switching to exclusively formula. I'd say I am 90% thrilled with the decision and 10% regretful. I have really sensitive nipples and hated everything about nursing. I found he transition to motherhood to be SO jarring and tough and like many PPs I dreaded every feeding. DS lost a ton of weight and wasn't gaining, and he was so lazy/sleepy, that the pediatrician had me nurse, then pump and supplement. It was exhausting. Nursing was so painful and just made me feel awful. I dreaded every feeding and resented the baby. I saw multiple LCs and there was nothing technically wrong. It got to the point where I was hysterically crying during every feeding. I was trying to do it for 6 weeks, as so many people (here and on real life) say that's be turning point, but I couldn't do it. Finally the best LC came over and in tears I said to her, "am I ever going to like this?". She was like, no. Lol. And she basically gave me "permission" to stop. She and my husband were both like, you can't go on like this. So I EPed and had tons of milk but after a few weeks of that, I just wanted my body back. I was a slave to the pump and I also don't really buy into the health benefits. I switched to formula and DS is 4 months now and doing great. The pediatrician supported me and commented on how much happier I seemed after I quit.

Nursing was not right for me. I personally hate it and cannot deal with being my baby's only source of food. My DH only works part time so he can handle many feedings. Bottle was definitely right for me. However, my main regret is that I didn't pump a bit longer, but for two superficial reasons: it was helping me lose weight, and formula is so expensive!

I could go on and on. I actually think I started a thread about this when I was in your shoes but I don't know how to search for it. But I remember hoping that people would tell me that I wouldn't regret it.... so that I could allow myself to quit.

Whatever decision you make is the right one. Hang in there. It all gets so so much better so soon. In a matter of weeks, you won't even remember feeling the way you feel.

Im so sorry. It really is a lot of work!

I agree that DH doesn't get much say in the matter except for asking ways he could support you better.

One other tip I remind people of, is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If there is a particular feeding session that really is just hard (say 2 am or at dinner when you want to eat). Give up that nursing/pumping session and let DH handle it with pumped milk or straight formula. Same goes for pumping after feeding. If thats too much, just nurse (or pump whatever is less painful) instead of both. You make the rules.

Also you can put lanolin or other nipple safe cream on before pumping to help with the friction!

@MrsSCB: "Don't quit on your worst day" is a good motto. I set myself a new date and told myself if things hadn't gotten better by that day, I would stop. Each time, things had improved just enough that I would set a new benchmark. Sometimes it was just two days. Sometimes it was a week. I still don't know if it was totally worth it, but it was a strategy that made me feel like I had more control over it all.

We switched to formula at 3 weeks because of supply issues as well as for my mental health. Once my milk dried up it was like a fog had lifted. It helped that my DS really thrived on formula and my husband didn't have strong opinions either way.

I will say, the first time my husband was able to feed DS from a bottle was a magical experience for him. Obviously you can get that pumping, but with FFing my husband was an equal partner in feeding our baby, which was huge for their bonding as well as for our relationship.

Glad to hear that things have improved a bit and you have had some good talks with your DH.

I had the hardest time with breastfeeding with my first son. And it definitely robbed me of some magical memories of those first three months of his life. I can't even tell you how much time I spent googling breast pain, thrush, etc. It was traumatic for me. Luckily it was a lot better with my second son, so I can see why people say "it gets better" - because I have experienced both sides now.

But if I could go back and tell the new mom, myself, that formula is fine. It's great! You don't need to be a hero here and stress yourself out over being convinced that you are SUPPOSED to make this work - I would. I wish I could tell myself to focus on enjoying those early days with your brand new baby and don't focus on breastfeeding pain and trauma.

Happy mama, happy baby is way better. So is sleep and not dreading feeding your baby. I was in that boat too. Oh it was so hard...hugs!

@IRunForFun: Progress is great! I remember being at the stage where some feedings hurt and some didn't but even that is a step in a great direction.

I stopped at eight weeks after literally driving myself crazy. I had very low supply - probably IGT though I was never formally diagnosed, I have a lot of the markers, and insulin resistance too. We'd been supplementing with formula since the hospital - he lost too much weight while we were there and the doctor wouldn't discharge him until we gave him a bottle of formula. I tried everything - lactation consultant, support groups, supplements, Metformin, power pumping with a hospital grade pump, everything short of getting black market domperidone shipped from overseas. Nothing worked, my son would barely latch because, you know, nothing was coming out of my boobs, I felt like I spent more time with the stupid pump than the baby and I was getting REALLY depressed. I cried all the time, I felt like the worst mother ever, I resented my son when he cried. It was awful.

Finally one day I was like, "You know what, I don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm fucking done. I tried to have this baby for so long and I can't even enjoy him." So I stopped. And even though my mood and our bond improved right away, I still had a lot of guilt about not giving him the magical wonderful qualities of breastmilk cause after all, Breast Is Best is even written on the frigging formula containers, right? And then I found the Fearless Formula Feeder, and read the Emily Oster article, and Courtney Jung's Lactivism, and then I could finally release the guilt because I realized that breastmilk is not unicorn tears or a magic potion that makes your baby bulletproof and a genius. Is it the biological norm? Yes. Does it have some advantages over formula feeding? Yes, but the inverse is also true, and the health benefits of breastfeeding are much more modest than some folks would like to believe.

In the end, I really don't think it makes a difference how you feed your baby. My son is two now and just as smart, just as healthy, just as bonded to me as my friends whose babies were breastfed. You can't look at a kindergarten class and pick out who was fed with what. What really matters is a healthy happy mom and a fed and happy baby. With a baby born at term in an industrialized country, it really is six of one, half dozen of the other. (With a preemie or with a child in a place without access to clean, safe water to mix formula with, the analysis is quite different, though.) But yes - things got much better for me and my son once I switched to formula.

I had a hellish experience breastfeeding my first and almost stopped. She had a teeny tiny mouth, like pliers. I was suffering in every way. I ended up not stopping. If I had been encouraged to stop I may have. At the time I honestly didn't understand how anyone could do it or enjoy it. I couldn't even look at ads with mothers happily nursing. I had a bad experience with a nurse who made me feel I was failing. I had huge, excruciating clogs and blisters. All this to say, offering a different perspective, somehow I tenaciously did it and ended up nursing until 2.5 and I'm glad I did. I pumped when I had to. It got better. Nursing baby 2 was much better.

@IRunForFun: I had same issue - and it did