Hellobee Boards

@bluestriped bee: are you asking specifically about privacy on Hellobee? I don't feel a need for that, and I operate with the mindset that nothing on the internet, not even Gold threads, is truly private!

But I do believe in online forum etiquette, and IF threads have their own.

I don't really feel the need for it, because like Happygal said nothing on the Internet is truly private and I keep that in mind when I'm posting.

I also don't post my name so I don't think people irl would know who I am.

All of the non IF HB users have been super supportive of me and my situation. I've never had any negative comments directed towards me. I consider many people here my friends so I wouldn't hide anything.

This has been coming up more lately as an issue... I've been thinking, one thing we could potentially do is to create a second set of boards, at IF.hellobee.com? Those IF boards wouldn't be private, but you'd have to click on an IF tab to find the threads. So the threads would still be open to all, but there'd be less of a chance that someone might click on an IF thread without realizing which category/board it was in.

We'd still keep the IF boards on the main boards, if people would rather post here. But this way, there'd be a choice - so if you wanted to post on the IF.hellobee.boards instead, you could do that.

Just a thought... would love to hear everyone's thoughts on how to best balance the issues raised above!

@bluestriped bee: if there are times when you feel like advocating for infertility, go for it. I know it's your passion. But when there are those times you want to be pocketed away, do that! For me, there are days I have to tell myself, "Just keep swimming," and there's not much more I could do past that.

@mrbee: Honestly, I disagree and think this wouldn't be a good idea. I think it would cause people to forget about the IF boards, and those who are starting to need it may not realize the support is there. Maybe instead, would it be possible to have a disclaimer on top of each IF thread so people would see what is is?

@Mrs.Someone: I agree. I think it'd be better if it was more obvious what board you are in rather than making it a whole separate thing.

@bluestriped bee: I didn't see that part, I thought they would act more like the 'Dads' boards. I guess I don't see how it would help if they show in both places? The only benefit would be to IFers who didn't want to see the rest, but we can already do that with the Gold hiding option. Maybe I'm missing something...

ETA: Ok, maybe I'm understanding this now. Would it be 2 sets of IF boards? One like the Dads boards, and one like it is now? Still not a fan of the duplication, but I see the point of it at least. I think one or the other wouldn't get used eventually, due to being the same set of people.

@mrbee: Uhmm yeah that's a tough one. I mean I know they are already at the top right there lol, but I have messed up and commented oddly because I didn't realize what board a topic was posted in before.

The only thing I can think of is maybe colour code sections? Like TTC = Blue, Pregnancy = Green, ect?

@pui: That gets a bit tricky with the Gold threads turning gold... any thoughts on how to handle that part of things? (Thanks for thinking through this stuff!)

@Mrs.Someone: Ah interesting! Could you post that idea here? Want to make sure we consider that in the future:

http://suggestions.hellobee.com/board/features

Carefully dipping my toe in here... (never sure whether I belong or not, but hope I can add value occaisonally).

I, like @Mrs.Someone:, would hate to see a separate set of IF boards. Mostly because I think it alienates the IFers from the rest of the board, which can be detrimental to both groups over time. I also tend to agree with @Happygal: that nothing on the internet is really private. But, on the other hand, I have been really open about my struggles - both online and in real life - so maybe I just come at this from a different angle than others? My feeling is that IF is incredibly painful, and it's exponentially more painful if you have to go through it alone. If I can reach just one person by speaking out about my experience and allow even one person to feel less alone/damaged/hopeless, than it is worth it to me to share my story, even if sharing puts my heart or my privacy out in the open.

(One more thing... I rarely come across women in the same IF situation I find myself in, even though endometriosis-induced IF is really common. I so much appreciated/appreciate when I come across someone in a similar situation - and that wouldn't be possible if the IF boards were a world apart.)

I don't like the idea of having a separate board.

For one thing, it seems complicated. It can be challenging enough just to keep up with the IF check-in thread.

Also, even if it's in the main boards, it's still something different than everyone else. I don't want to be "othered," so to speak. I find infertility isolating enough in my real-life world.

@mrbee: I appreciate your work to keep things peaceful and the desire to create a safe space for us IF folks, I really do. It's my opinion, however, that I'd rather see things done to promote better relationships than handle it by dividing things up. For the amount of time I've been here, there have been very few times where I've felt like someone has been insensitive.

I wrote a disclaimer for Weddingbee a long time ago. They've changed their format, so it's not there anymore, but I could try to remember it if anyone wants.

Something to the effect of "We know you all mean well and often don't know what to say...please keep in mind that many of us have been trying for x amount of time, have seen doctors, have been told to relax too many times to count...the best way to support us is to listen and ask how we're doing...but please don't tell us about your surprise pregnancy"

something to that effect (but with a lot more time spent on wording and making it sound very nice).

I'm going to ask a controversial question: How does being in favor of having separate boards square with feeling upset when it comes to light that other members of this community hide the IF threads?

These are both - privacy and hiding boards - tough subjects to tackle and I certainly grapple with them myself. I am trying to untangle my feelings on both these issues, since they seem interrelated. I'd love to hear other perspectives.

@Mrs Green Grass: I remember your disclaimer, and thought it was fantastic. Could be a good possibility for HB.

I thought about it some more, and I'll let you guys sort out how you'd like to handle any new IF boards. Feel free to post to my wall with any thoughts/questions...

We're going to move forward with more separate boards tabs, but will start with another topic... more on that later in a separate thread!