I thought this was a good read. I definitely felt like I had failed after my failed cycles.
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Sending you a huge hug my dear.
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Thanks for sharing. I think the fact medical advances and technology even gives us the opportunity is amazing. Can we do better? Certainly! The process is extremely stressful and I always felt deflated and sad after each failed cycle. We can only hope research makes huge improvements in the near future. It's really disheartening to hear/know your low success rate.
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Good read, and good way to look at it. I went over every little thing I did that cycle to try and find a "reason" that it failed. My RE assured me that it was nothing that I did, and that did help me stop blaming myself a bit.
On a side note, I didn't know the new SART data was out for 2012. I just checked on my clinic and the stats are not stellar, but I'm trying not to read too much into that.
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@derevival: hey, long time no see! How's everything going?
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I agree but when a baby costs more than a car it will always be this way (I'm just a little bitter and cynical). When we aren't supposed to go into debt but it can take years to get the money then women will choose more embryos and take more risks for their miracle. My son is my 20k dollar baby.
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@Shutterbug: Hi! Thanks for the shout out. I've been sort of lurking for the past few months after a short hiatus. I'm doing very well.
You?
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Great article. I was so angry after my failed IVF when I realized what my clinic did to put the blame on me.
I hated the feeling that because my cycle failed, there was something dirty and untouchable about me and maybe even other IFers might not want to come near me because they might feel my failure could be contagious...when I'd never felt that way about anyone else. It was such a relief when I went to a new clinic and the RE assured me that the problem was the protocol and dosage.
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@brownie: I totally agree. I couldn't believe we were talking about how many embies we wanted to transfer for IVF and people would say, "Oh you should only transfer one" and I wanted to say, "Oh yeah? Well, will you fund our next $15,000 IVF if this one doesn't work then?" We transferred two (Day 5) and that was the max per RE, but there were days where I thought I'd really like to transfer 3 if possible, even knowing the risks because we wanted our little one that bad and were so scared of IVF not working.
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@Jenn23: I hate that if you have insurance coverage for IVF you're more likely to transfer only one and get to take fewer risks, but if you're paying OOP you're probably going to choose to transfer two on top of the pain of shelling out all that money. It's just not fair.
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@spaniellove: I know, totally unfair. We got our frozen report the day after transfer and none of our remaining embryos made it to freeze. I cried all day and remember saying to my DH, that I wished we could have transferred 3! Luckily, our cycle did work, but if it hadn't, we would have been back to square one and I always would have wondered, "What if we had transferred more?" We have no insurance coverage for IVF. It stinks. If we did, and many cycles were covered, I probably would have just transferred one!
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@Jenn23: @spaniellove: someone should do a study on the cost to insurance companies of providing IVF coverage vs the cost to them for providing coverage for high risk pregnancies and premature babies caused by transferring 2+ embryos. I agree with you both that it's totally unfair. Not to mention the added expense to the parents if you do end up with twins or more, on top of already depleting your savings on IVF.
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@Shutterbug: That's a great idea. Twins or more mean many more doctor visits, ultrasounds, often NICU stays, etc. which all cost a lot more. Just a few weeks in a NICU has to be a few thousand or more, right? You know, I never even thought of this. That is such a great point!
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@Jenn23: We had none to freeze either. We went in only wanting to transfer one but the RE insisted that because the embryo quality wasn't great we should strongly consider two, and honestly we couldn't afford another high-stim cycle. I knew there was something really wrong when they wanted a day 4 transfer. Actually I knew a few days into stims that they should cancel me but didn't speak up because I thought they'd say something.
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@Jenn23: NICU stays are definitely expensive! We recently received the statement in the mail from the hospital for our twins 11 day NICU stay and it totalled 60k for both. Their stay wasn't even that involved (they were healthy considering, both needed to show they could eat/put on weight & one initially had some lung issues). It would be very interesting to see the comparison between insurance covering IVF vs paying for NICU stays and extra monitoring/testing for multiples resulting from transferring more than one embryo.
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Thanks for posting this! It was a good read on day two of bed rest after transfer.
@Shutterbug: that would be a super interesting study! We only transferred one because we really really want to avoid any of those complications and costs that come with multiples. I'm trying so hard not to second guess our decision! It does help that we had a few to freeze...
@LMOG47: Wow!!! I hope that's not all out of pocket! It's maddening how outrageous medical costs are!
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@thisisme: we also only transferred one, mainly because we do have insurance coverage, but the other two they were watching til day 6 didn't make it to freeze, so I did second guess our decision a lot in the TWW. I think knowing you have four on ice should help you feel reassured in your choice!
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@thisisme: very thankfully, our co-pay was only $250 per kid, which shocked me honestly. DH & I joke that they're our 100k babies.
I hope you'll be getting some good news soon!
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This was a really good read. It's definitely a better way of looking at it and I like that it's a doctor's perspective. Thank you for sharing.
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