LO is 4 months. he only ever slept very short stretches from birth. i also have a four year old home with me during the day, so by three months i was in a terrible state from sleep deprivation. about a month ago i started cosleeping (bedsharing) with my baby and we both sleep so much better! i told the pediatrician at a recent well visit and was shocked to get a very stern lecture about how i was endangering my baby. i have no loose bedding or pillows near the baby, i breastfeed, i am not obese and don't drink much, no one else sleeps in the bed with us. he didn't care. i didn't think it was such a black and white issue, and i've read there are benefits for the baby (helps temperature regulation, mother's exhalations stimulate breathing, baby feels safe and secure, etc). i was upset because cosleeping is the best decision i've made since LO was born and now i feel like i have to lie to my pediatrician. has anyone had a similar experience? are their pediatricians out there that support responsible bedsharing?
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I know if we told our pedi we bed share I would get a lecture too. I'm not lying, just not disclosing it to her.
it works for us, so I'm in the "whatever works" camp.
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Our pediatrician is encouraging us to get him to nap in the crib for safety reasons (he's mobile), but she leaves us alone about co-sleeping at night.
We started co-sleeping around the same time as you and for the same reasons.
I would look into switching doctors. If you feel like you need to lie to him, it's not a good relationship.
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Yeah, I agree with @matador84: that this is probably a subject best left unaddressed with a pediatrician.
I know I felt that cobedding was very unsafe, before I had children. Now, I've changed my tune!
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Many pediatricians support responsible bed sharing. I'm so sorry yours made you feel bad about a decision you made that is clearly working out well for your family. Honestly, I don't think most pediatricians are experts on sleep. Or breastfeeding either, for that matter. I will find some sources for you when I get
A chance. Hugs! -
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Someone posted this article a few weeks ago about cosleeping and it might help ease your mind a bit.
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My husband is a pediatrician and we did bed sharing until eight months. Our daughters pediatrician supported us strongly. It's not a black and white issue, and I'm sorry you were lectured, it sounds like you are practicing safe co sleeping
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My impression is that doctors don't feel comfortable endorsing this because if done incorrectly it could be very dangerous. We live in a very litigious society. The doctors don't want to be responsible if something goes wrong. It's easier to say don't do it at all rather than if you do it, it has to be done this way and you can't be a drinker or a sound sleeper etc. We also bed shared for a while and didn't discuss with Dr..
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We bed share occasionally as well and did it regularly for her first eight weeks of life. I just didn't tell our ped. We are in the whatever works camp.
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Maybe one of these will help. You're doing great. Don't let this get you down! (Btw the nurses at the hospital were surprised we didn't want to cosleep with our LO after she was born. All medical professionals aren't against it. We actually didn't cosleep for the first few months, but it's working well for us now.)
http://m.parenting.com/entry/view/id/9405
http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2009/1/11/co-sleeping-safety.html
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Oh I see @Cole already posted the last one
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You alone know your situation best and are the only one able to gauge whether or not you're practicing safe bed-sharing. From what you've said, it sounds like you are! We co-bedded with DS for the first six months in a safe manner as well, and had a very positive experience. He transitioned easily to his crib at 6 months and rarely gets in bed with us now at a year.
You don't have to lie to your pediatrician or bring it up. It's not his job to tell you what to do in this area. You're the parent.
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I think you have to remember that doctors treat all kinds of people, and some of those people are irresponsible. They have to be cautious in what they will promote and what they won't. It's similar to drinking while pregnant/breastfeeding. I am sure small amounts will not hurt but if they told that to everyone, you must know that some people will hear "its safe to drink while pregnant/breastfeeding" and go overboard.
I am sorry you can't get the support from your doctor, but it sounds like you are responsible and have a great parent/child relationship. Keep doing what you know is best for YOU!
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We got lectured like crazy too. He made me feel stupid and embarrassed. It was just one of the many reasons I'm looking at switching pedis (not because he opposed it, but the way he approached it). Do what works for you and don't let it get to you...and just say they're in their crib next time.
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Honestly, and I hate to say this, some things are best left unsaid to a doctor (not lying, just not sharing certain info). It's just like what @travellingbee, doctors don't want to encourage something and have it go wrong and then get blamed that they said it was a good idea. So they tend to err on the side of caution...
My family doctor was 100% supportive of SAFE cosleeping. She did it with her four children, and actually seemed sad at his 6 mos WCC when I said we transitioned him to his crib haha! I was so thankful for her support. -
Our pediatrician supported it. She asked us questions about our bed-sharing set up and gave us information on how to make sure it's safe. I'm sorry your pediatrician made you feel bad and like you have to lie to him. I'd be upset if I felt like I was going to get "in trouble" at the pediatrician!
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@travellingbee: +1.
I think there are a lot of great pediatricians who do not support bed sharing, so I'm not sure you need to look into anther doctor especially if you otherwise like this one and your older child is comfortable with them. But if it's working for you, I think you should keep doing it for now, as long as you are taking safety precautions, which you said you are. You could try setting up a cosleeper or a sidecar set up too!
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T sleeps in his crib for most of the night, about 6 hours. After that he's up every 2-3. When he wakes up the first time DH brings him to bed and I nurse him lying down. We kick all the covers and pillows to the foot of the bed and T co sleeps the rest of the night. I honestly don't feel like I'm losing much sleep even though we have 3 MOTN wake ups some nights.
Do what you gotta do! I feel much more rested and happy when I wake up next to my snuggle baby.
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Our doctor is 100% supportive of safe cosleeping. However, because some people don't practice it safely (use sleeping pills, have lots of blankets, sleep on the couch, etc), many doctors find it easier to just say NO to cosleeping rather than going over all the ways to make it safe.
You sound like you are doing things correctly, and honestly I would either get a different pediatrician or just not bring it up again.
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@Lindsay05: Yes, exactly this. My midwife told me I could have coffee because she said she knows that I will carefully track my caffiene intake and not go overboard, but the other midwives in the practice say ABSOLUTELY none because it's just easier that way. Same thing with alcohol. It's easier to ban something than to teach safe practices.
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I agree with the PPs who said your ped is probably just making a blanket statement because some people are unsafe about it. We are one of the only cultures where it's discouraged!
Don't feel bad about doing what works for your family. Adequate rest is so important! -
thank you to everyone for all the support
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At 13 months, we are still bed-sharing! It's had its ups and downs, but it's been so amazing for us. Just this morning, LO woke up smiling and cuddly and was poking our belly buttons and giggling-it's the best! Like you, we researched into safe practices, so we could feel more confident. And we didn't tell our pediatrician until DH let it slip at the 9 month appointment-for a second, the doc got a look on her face, but to her credit she didn't say anything! I'm sorry your doctor made you feel bad and was condescending.
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Ha, I just assumed my ped would be judgey about this so I never mentioned it. For months the only way any of us got any sleep was to co-bed for at least part of the night. My baby didn't want to be put down at first. Like, ever. So he slept next to me in our king bed, far away from DH, and I kept the blankets away from him. I was very aware of him at all times.
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We only co-slept a little, and typically only for a small part of the night or for naps, so I just never mentioned it to our pedi. I figured she wouldn't be a huge fan. Like you, I also read up on safe co-sleeping. Also like you, we co-slept because it dramatically improved the amount of sleep that all of us were getting. That has to be a good thing if you ask me!
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I'm sorry you feel like you are not 110% supported by your pediatrician, or that you can be 100% honest with them without feeling judged.
I wholeheartedly agree with everyone who has said that doctors often have to make blanket statements because some people are not responsible. That's how we get so many pregnancy rules to begin with - because professionals who treat the public at large have to compensate for the idiots among us who have no common sense.
We cobed and have been honest with our pediatrician. He was supportive (although he suggested we move her to a crib around 1 year and we didn't; but he didn't push and has never followed up with "making sure" we did, or even asking). He told us that he and his wife cobedded with both of their children for several months as well, so there definitely are more supportive doctors out there.
it works for us, so I'm in the "whatever works" camp.
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