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Our preschool is about a 2. There are some volunteer opportunities, but a lot of it is not as a group where you can really meet people. Not a lot of other social stuff, a few family events. The best way I have met people is trying to set up play dates for the class myself (mixed results, but did meet some people) and also hanging out in the time between when younger and older kids start - since it’s half hour apart the little ones often play in the gym after older get dropped off. But no adults only stuff ever!

We just had a new parent social (beer and wine included!). There are playmates over the summer and regular potlucks and such.

We schedule one Mom's night out event per school year. We tried Dad's Night out and it was poorly attended, so we are instead trying a playdate at a park with Dads instead.

Volunteering is separate, it's to run the events. If you make friends, that's a bonus!

There are volunteer opportunities, but most of them are for individual parents...and most parents in my older son's class seem to work, like I do. I think it is more of a culture thing down here...parent involvement is pretty low all through school. We know a ton of other parents through other activities...but not from school. And this is even though my husband actually TEACHES at the school my son goes to. There are some PTO nights, and a yearly art gallery auction ...along with an occasional fundraiser night...but not much else.

My LO's preschool/daycare is definitely a 1, but that's one of the reasons we chose it. DH and I both work full time and my job is particularly demanding, plus we have a lot of social and family commitments. The first daycare I toured had lots of events during the day, with expectations that parents volunteer/attend regularly. There was no way we could manage all that with our schedules, and I hated the idea of LO having to attend these kind of events without us present. For all the other daycares I toured I asked specifically about expectations for these events and my two finalists both said that they knew parents used their daycare's services because they were working so they almost never had parent events or volunteer expectations. The center we chose has lived up to this - they do one graduation event at the end of the year that starts at 4:30pm! We've been very happy with this, and I know many of the other parents are too.

@irene: Our dance is a sweetheart dance, and it is open to a child and any special person they would like to bring. It makes it much more inclusive that way.

Our school requires every family to put in 20 hours of volunteer hours otherwise you'd get charged a fee at the end of the school year. I forget how much but maybe $400. At first 20 hours sounded like a lot to us but we've been going over every year (this is DD's second year). We're lucky we have a flexible work schedule so we're able to volunteer for field trips and classroom parties. We've met and gotten close to a lot of other parents this way.

@irene: The school we're going to send our kids to have the same thing. They want parents to volunteer like 20 hours a year, or pay like $15 per hour or something like that (or a combination thereof). We are totally fine with paying, since DH and I both work, but we also have flexible schedules so we can make it to some stuff if we want to.

I went to one PTO meeting. Most of the volunteer opportunities were exactly the type of thing I have no time / energy / interest for. I work full time and get home at 7pm during the week. I barely feel caught up on my life after trying to catch up on the weekends. Any sparse amount of leftover time is mostly spent with my son. I do not want to add responsibilities like collecting and sorting box tops to my plate. If I am going to volunteer in school it would be much more meaningful to me to spend time in my son's classroom.

I know several moms in our class socially, and we often see people we know from school when we are at the playground on the weekends. Moms Night Out activities are difficult for me to prioritize because my schedule is already maxed out. Honestly if I am going to take a night off to myself, I would rather catch up with an old friend than try to make new acquaintances.

As long as I am a working mom, I will be careful to choose a school where I am not the only working mom. I need that stuff to be truly optional and not have my lack of participation reflect poorly on my child.

This sentiment is compounded by the fact that I am pregnant right now!