Just wondering...do your kids say "I love you" to your nanny? Our nanny is really great with the kids and we do consider her a part of our family, but I have mixed feelings when at the end of each night she says to our kids "What do you say to me?" and she has them say "love you!" Thoughts?
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Coming from a nanny- I absolutely adored my nanny kids. Love them. I still keep in touch with every family I nannied for and I know they consider me part of their family. I would be hurt if I thought that the mother of my nanny kids wasn't comfortable with me exchanging verbal and physical affection. My nanny kids definitely reciprocated their love and affection.
I also take comfort in the fact that my son loves his caregiver(s) and that is mutual.
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My nanny does this too and it caught me a little off-guard the first few times, but I let it go and now it doesn't seem weird at all. I figure we purposely hired a warm, loving person and I'm glad she's so affectionate and cares so deeply for LO.
ETA: She says "I love you" so much and taught LO to say it, and now he says it to us all the time so I think it's been a big win in the end!
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Thanks. I absolutely agree with showing and expressing affection, I guess it seemed a bit forceful for her to prompt the kids to *have* to say it to her. The kids do give her lots of hugs and big thank yous so she does know how much they do appreciate her. I guess who doesn't love to hear "I love you?"...
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I would probably feel a little funny about that too... our nanny has our LO give her a high-five before she leaves, I think that's adorable!
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as a nanny, i do love my nanny LOs! i view it as my job to fall madly in love, i am affectionate with them & tell them i love them.
in this situation the part that seems a little off is that she's not telling them, 'i love you!' as a statement & allowing them to respond, she's making a demand for love, which doesn't sit well with me. once i had it out with a nanny LO's teacher because she required them to hug her upon arriving at school before they started their day. i don't think it's fair to ever demand affection, then later in life when they're forming romantic relationships it takes away their sense of control over who they love and who they share that love with, it's okay not to want to be physically affectionate with someone, it's okay to say no (i think this an especially important lesson for girls!), it's okay not to want to express your love verbally, no one gets to take your love from you, it's something for you to offer as you see fit. maybe i over think it, but it seems important to give children power and control over their love and affection
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I would have an issue with it, because she's prompting them, rather than just saying it herself and seeing if they respond. Our nanny usually asks for a hug and sometimes DS gives her one, sometimes not, and she never forces it.
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I think it's a little weird that she's prompting them to tell her she loves them. It's one thing to tell them she loves them and they say it back on their own. It's another to be like "what do you say to me?"
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I wouldn't want to force or ask any kid to tell me that they love me. I would say I love you and leave it to the kid to respond however he or she wants. "Say you love me" or " What do you say to me" sounds insecure and creepy. But I guess it depends on the tone of the person too, I always try to remember "it's not what you say, it's how you say it".
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Thanks for the feedback, everyone. The prompting part was the part that made me feel uncomfortable too.
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As a former nanny who adored the kids i cared for, I do think that is a little weird. Not that they would say it, but that she would ask them to.
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