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@gingerbebe: I know! That's what I told her. Some moms even go as far as to get a hotel room for 3 nights. She's willing to take the lead but over fall break or something. Lol. Maybe we will do that.
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@Truth Bombs: I hear you. I've mentioned this several times but it's not productive bc it's in a "you want it? Then you go do it!" way. Yes I work too but less sleep doesn't bother me as much. But it's that I would die seeing him so upset and she'd be fine with it lol. I'll try again to persuade her to do night checks or at least take the lead on them. Maybe we will wait 3 more weeks to start until her fall break from classes.
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@peaches1038: hey that's not bad!! No overnight crying?! Yeah the books say the checks should be only like 20 seconds! C has an a&a blanket too. Idk whether to proceed one thing at a time in small steps or suck it up and go for all of it at once!
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Literally 2+ years later I still have momentary pangs of guilt over sleep training
We were so desperate I think I would have done ANYTHING to get her to sleep and looking back, we were fighting an uphill battle. I'm not anti-CIO at all but if your heart is not in it, it's not going to be easy, especially if your LO is hard to train like mine.Having said all that, my LO is smart and awesome and insanely bonded to us. She's not scarred in the slightest. Babies/kids are very very resilient and I think we also underestimate how attentive, responsive and loving the average modern parent is compared to what child-rearing looked like for much of history. You're not going to hurt your LO
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@daniellemybelle: thank you
I agree that if I'm not committed it's going to be a disaster.....so I'm working on getting prepared!!!!
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@wrkbrk: I think it took 2-3 weeks for him to STTN. A few days just for going to sleep initially. It's all kind of a blur though because we had several things going on at once. I lost my supply and stopped BF-ing, we amped up solids, night weaned, and we also moved when DS was about 8m. I do remember that at 9m he was fully night waned and sleeping 12 hours. We did have a small 9m regression last lasted a couple days.
With DS he was crying no matter what we did, so sleep training started as us just kinda giving up one night.
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@ShootingStar: good point. DS cries now throughout the night when he wakes up in our room too
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Well, this might not be helpful because we didn't sleep train, but we did move a poor sleeper from our room to his own room with great success (most of the time) so maybe it's not an all or nothing thing. With T, he was in our room from 6 months when we got him to maybe 8 months or so. I liked having him close and I felt like it was building attachment, but it was also building dependency. I was up MANY times each night replacing his "plug," getting him up for a quick bottle, etc. I'm pretty sure we were waking him up most of those times, honestly. He's a light sleeper and I think just hearing us so close moving the covers would wake him up. We finally moved him into his own room, but we never sleep trained (not recommended with kids who've been through neglect). Now at 12 months he is MUCH easier to put down and sometimes actually puts himself to sleep. Even when he doesn't, he only needs maybe 10 minutes of rocking, which to me is totally fine. He sleeps through the night maybe 75% of the time, 12 hours straight. When he doesn't, it's a quick rocking, sometimes a sippy cup, and he's back down. Totally less of a big deal than I expected, and we all are sleeping better for it. NOW...if we could just figure out how to convince O to eat more during the day and less at night, we might be really happy!
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Just repeating what lots of others have said. We sleep trained my son at 6.5 months and it was the best thing we ever did. It was a rocky couple of nights at first but luckily he wasn't a cry-vomiter and usually quieted down within 20 mins or so. We didn't do checks. Once he could fall asleep on his own, his nap length immediately doubled or tripled (went from 4 catnaps a day to 2 solid 2-3 hour naps a day), and his night wake ups went down to one quick nursing session, and sleeping through at 8 months or so. Best decision ever, child hasn't been harmed by it in any noticeable way. We have a long cuddle before bed every night and he literally reaches for his crib.
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Oh mama. I haven't read any of the other comments but had to comment because I was you.
We did CIO and I also cried. I drank wine and I cried. I went somewhere where I couldn't hear the crying. I was grumpy and tense while we waited it out. I felt physically stressed.
HOWEVER, it only took a few nights and for the last year we have all slept peacefully and been so much happier. I truly believe that by doing CIO we gave DD the gift of healthy sleep habits. She now lays down in her crib when I place her in there. She eagerly waits for me to put her dream blanket on her and then she goes to sleep.
I will not hesitate to do it for future children.
ETA: I had similar feelings too, I said to DH, through tears, "you don't understand! This is against everything natural. Mamas are supposed to be there for their babies. This is so wrong." Thankful I did it now. Thankful for the wine that got me through
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@ScarletBegonia: soon good to hear!!
@SweetCaroline: thank you
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@Mrs. Turtle: hi! thanks for your post. when you say you didnt sleep train but you did move him to his own room ... what do you mean? did he just not cry? or did you get him back out when he did cry, or ... ? i didnt really know there was a no sleep training option when moving ds to his crib?!
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@Mrs. Turtle: hi! thanks for your post! when you say you didnt sleep train but you did move ds to his own room, what do you mean? did you get him back out when he cried then? or did he transition without ever crying? i didnt really know there could be a compromise where we moved him out of our room but DIDNT sleep train!
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I sleep-trained my daughter at 9 months. It was hard, but it was time. She cried for maybe 20 minutes, but it was the longest 20 minutes of my life. It got better as the days went on, and it truly was the best thing for her and for me. She still woke up at night and I still brought her back to our bed to nurse, but my main concern was getting her to fall asleep on her own. She didn't STTN until she was 13 months old and I night weaned.
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We didn't sleep train but when we might weened at 10 months he learned how to cover his sleep cycle. Waiting before responding was huge. Sometimes he would need rocking to sleep and sometimes not. Just putting him to sleep in his room cut down on half his night wakings because we were slow to respond and he figured it out.
Lately we have added a lovey which I will also with for a few nights so it smells like me and that's actually really helped. It's one of those little square blankets. I wish we had tried it sooner.
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@wrkbrk: right here with you
E is being a horrid little baby right now, has a cold and was awake basically all night! on a normal day she only does one big nap during the day (maybe 2.5-3 hrs) and then stays awake til bedtime at about 7-7.30 with big sister. She will wake at around 11 (when I'm just snuggling into bed), at about 3ish, 6ish and up for the day at 8. She CANNOT settle unless she gets boob. Won't take a dummy, won't self-settle, wont cuddle a comforter and doze off. no she wants THE BOOBY NOW. I've tried gentle CIO, she gets hysterical very fast, stands in the crib crying, falls over and knocks herself (cue more tears). I've tried pat pat patting her and sneaking slowly out of the room, rocking her (nope, too close to booby give it now). hubby has limited success with settling her, with lots of shusshing and standing/rocking (i think its more her passing out from exhaustion). my first was so good at going to bed - put her down and doze off on her own, this one is breaking my brain!
big sympathy for you right now
maybe if he gets into his own room/cot it will be the start of the process? its gotta be part of their development now too, realising that they're not RIGHT THERE in our arms being snuggled and wanting that warmth and comfort, but desperately needing that sleep and recharge at night while they develop.
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I don't have anything helpful to add, since I'm not a CIO person, but I do think some babies are more ready for it and it works pretty well for them. Like I see a lot of ppl writing here about 20 minutes of crying the first day, then 10, then 5, etc. We tried sleep lady shuffle and 1 night of cio and both times he cried on and off for 2 hours and never did fall asleep on his own so we gave it up. Now at 12 months I nurse him to sleep and he usually wakes up once, which I can deal with.
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@wrkbrk: I may be wrong, but to me sleep training usually means some version of cry it out, or limited checks, and teaching the baby to put himself to sleep without relying on "crutches" like rocking, etc. Rocking helps build attachment, which is the biggest concern with our babies and their rough starts, so it's something we are willing to continue to do for however long they need it. So what we did with T was move him to his own room but keep the bedtime routine the same. Books, sleep sack, plug, rocking and singing until he's asleep. He just sleeps in his crib in his room. When he wakes at night, we rock and sing, sometimes with a sippy cup. Like @maddyz: we are slower to respond now that he's in his room, and he often will put himself back down on his own. Sometimes he even asks (by pointing and getting antsy) to go to his crib at bedtime and then he puts himself to sleep. So he's kind of sleep training himself. I realize not all babies will do this and I believe I might sleep train myself if we weren't foster parents, but this is working for us at the moment. So I think you could try moving him to his crib in his room without also doing formal sleep training.
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I think if I was in your shoes I would focus on getting him into the crib first before sleep training. I'd still rock him to sleep if he needs and go in when he cries to rub his back or be held or whatever for the short term. It just seems like a lot to do both things at once. If he doesn't replace the paci himself you could try a wubbanub (my DS sleeps with 2 plus a lovie blankie).
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The other thing that I found is that nap sleep, going to sleep the first time at night and middle of the night wakings can all be treated differently and they understand. Lo figured out how to connect night time sleep while still being nursed/rocked to sleep the first time each night and also napping in the stroller.
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Oh, we might have collected 6-8 of his preferred plugs to spread around his crib to make it easy for him to find at night. Just maybe... I'm so dreading the idea of pacifier weaning!
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@wrkbrk: I'd make her do it if it won't bother her as much. I made DH do the middle of the night training for the same reason, and I slept in the guest room with 5 types of white noise on so I didn't have to hear it
It also helped us to write a plan out of what we were going to do in all scenarios. That way when it was 10pm or 3am and we were tired and frustrated we could refer back to it and be on the same page. I also wrote some mantras on there like "She's not hurt or scared, just frustrated she can't put herself to sleep" "She will still love us in the morning" "A rested baby is a happy baby".
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@Mrs. Turtle: got it. So you went in and cuddled him every time he cried! I guess that's an option too! I wonder how much longer it will take him to connect sleep cycles if I do that!? Sounds better!
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@Dahlia: yes I keep saying we need a plan or it won't work at all. She's like meh, put him in his room and he will figure it out. I'm like are you crazy?! That's NOT a plan!!!!
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@cam: yes like Mrs turtle said! This is definitely an option. I think I associated crib with sleep training necessarily. But we can break them up! Just might take longer for him to understand.
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@avivoca: @maddyz: these stories don't sound too bad! I'm worried it won't be like this for DS though. Last night I refused to get him in the bed and he stood in his PnP for 10-30 minutes at a time wailing. Basically at every hour on the hour....I shushed him and layed him down and covered him up each time but he wanted to be in the big bed so he protested. Sigh. What have I done
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@MrsADS: yep I'm thinking DS will be more like this!! So your LO did basically learn to connect his sleep cycles on his own with no cio by a year?
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@FannyMae: awww man it sounds like they are both determined little things. The irony is he was a great sleeper until maybe 2 months ago. I thought we lucked out with a super chill baby! Argh!!!! DW definitely blames me for getting him accustomed to only sleeping with us such that it now needs to be undone ...
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@wrkbrk yeah I think roughly. I mean we still have our issues - like about half the time he starts crying around 11pm and my husband will have to go pick him up and rock him for like 10 minutes. And occasionally he will wake in the MOTN (like last night at 2am) and I will nurse him back to sleep. And sometimes he sleeps all the way through.
It's not perfect but honestly I felt like hours of crying is not appropriate for a little baby and a sign he wasn't ready. I read that all babies/young children eventually sleep through the night and it takes either tears or time, you pick. I think some babies are *ready* and with a little crying they get it and it's better for everyone. We just decided that we'd rather just deal with the rocking and sleep deprivation than subject him (and us) to hours and hours of crying. But everyone has to make the decision that is best for our family. For what it's worth DH and I both work full time and I do not handle the sleep deprivation well so I was desperate. But it just wasn't for us. You definitely need to be on the same page as your spouse.
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In my case it took my daughter until just before a year to become a good sleeper. Now at 2 she's amazing . I think some kids just develop the ability to sleep later.
I tried to sleep train around 7 months and it didn't work . She cried hysterically, checking on her made it worse, and she didn't fall asleep just kept hysterically crying. I gave up at that point. Tried again at 11 months and it was so much different . Maybe 15-20 min crying / whining and then asleep.
So my only advice would be is if it doesn't seem to be working baby might not be ready yet. I'm not anti cio but I wish I had recognized earlier she wasn't ready the first time. Maybe she was ready faster than when I tried the second time but my first experience traumatized me. Baby number 2 I'll probably test it out a few times seeing when she's ready.
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@wrkbrk: yes, we went in, and still do for the most part, every time he really cried. At this point, he will sometimes cry for a moment or two and then settle himself. So I give him a sec before I go in. And just moving him to his room cut wake ups down so much. He was never sleeping in our bed (not allowed) so we didn't have that hurdle. But still, I think you can take it one step at a time. He might surprise you and figure it out on his own. T is just about 13 months now and sleeps through the night 75% of the time (12 hours straight). When he doesn't it's one wakeup with maybe 10 min of rocking. In figure I can handle that, and maybe he still needs that security.
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@Mrs. Turtle: Not bad at all. I would be pleased if ours turned out this way!!
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@Peasinapod: This is really good advice. I tend to think oh all babies respond to this. Or, this works (blanket statement) so I need to suck it up. But it may not work for MY baby so I need to stay flexible!!!
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@MrsADS: Yes, I agree. I wouldnt feel comfortable letting him wail for more than 20-30 min tops. So I think if it seems like he's not settling down after a few attempts after that window maybe we wait.
Actually right now I am giving him one more chance (lol) to sleep in the pnp in our room without getting into the bed. Decided I would give it 4 nights. I comfort him when he wakes up and cries but wont pull him into bed. If he can get this down, then we work on falling asleep on his own ... it certainly is a process.
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I really recommend reading this: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/upshot/putting-your-baby-to-sleep-some-advice-and-good-news.html?_r=0&referer=https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2Fi469fsj4SF
Sleep training is hard, but was so worthwhile for us! We prefer the graduated-extinction method and it worked in just a few days for both my LOs.
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@wrkbrk: Yeah, for all my stressing and planning and worrying, so far T has taken care of all the big things himself if we just give him time. Bottle weaning, switching to WCM from formula, night weaning (mostly), falling asleep on his own (this morning for his nap DW was rocking him and he actually pointed to his crib, said "eh" which is the noise he makes when he wants something, and waved bye bye to her), and sleeping through the night. I know they're not all like this, but I'm starting to learn with him that I don't really have to worry about this stuff, that it will just happen.
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@wrkbrk: H wasn't sleeping in our room full-time either, so that may have something to do with it. We live in a small house and her room is catercorner from ours, so I could actually see the crib from the bed if I needed to. She just co-slept part of the night (when we would fall asleep nursing) but she started the night out in her crib in her room. I just needed her to go to sleep on her own because rocking/nursing wasn't working anymore.
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@mrsrain: Tx!!!
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We didn't sleep train. We slowly moved the boys out of our room. We are firmly a co-sleeping family, however after 6 months with my oldest we started putting him to bed in his room because I woke up to pump at night which woke him up. We did put up a bed in his room so I could sleep in there over night if he woke and wouldn't go back down. Our youngest on the other hand slept in our room in his own bed starting around 6 months. He didn't move into his room until 15/16 months. Our youngest nursed at night until 15 months. I couldn't stomach CIO plus DH couldn't either.
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@MrsRcCar: So what happened with your LO who slept in your room til 15 months? (This would be my goal too - we move when LO will be 15 months and I think starting over in a new house might be a good time to introduce new sleeping routines). Did he cry overnight several times/wake up? Or just to nurse and right back down? Curious because everyoneeeeeeeee IRL is telling me babies cant sleep with parents in the room bc they will be woken up by the noise and distractions etc etc and I know this cannot be universal......
We were so desperate I think I would have done ANYTHING to get her to sleep and looking back, we were fighting an uphill battle. I'm not anti-CIO at all but if your heart is not in it, it's not going to be easy, especially if your LO is hard to train like mine.
I agree that if I'm not committed it's going to be a disaster.....so I'm working on getting prepared!!!!
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