My miscarriage was on 7/8/2014. My feelings of disapointment and loss havent gotten any better. I was just crying last night while talking with my Fiance. Although this little bean of mine was only in my tummy for 7 weeks I feel this huge amount of sadness. This was my first pregnancy. My Fiance tries to be there for me, but I just feel like he wont ever really feel how I feel. I know its smart to wait a cycle or two to normalize the body. Selfishly, I don't want to wait. I don't think that I will feel ok until I am pregnant once again. Its like I cant wait for that moment. I'm so scared too that its going to take me a while. My miscarriage passed naturally, it took me 2 weeks to completely stop bleeding. Physically I feel fine now, my hunny and I just began being intimate again. The first time we did it we werent careful, the next few times I think we'll have to be. That is until after my first complete cycle.
I also see babies everywhere, I see pregnant women all over the place too. I feel so envious. I cant help but think I'd be showing more now. Its so heartbreaking to go through this every single day.
One day I will get this wonderful feeling again! I hope its sooner than later.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
pear / 1650 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss and wish I could hug you right now.
pineapple / 12802 posts
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
Hugs! So sorry for your loss.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
I had 2 MCs before getting pregnant with our current LO and I will say that its very helpful to the grieving process to acknowledge that baby's life in some way. While I understand wanting to be pregnant again, it doesn't really heal the underlying pain of the miscarriage.
You might want to look into some kind of project or act that you can take on behalf of your child to commemorate that life. When someone dies, we usually have a memorial and celebrate their life and have some kind of formal event like a funeral to mark that passing. In the same way, some type of ritual might be helpful for you. Some people bury something, some people plant a tree, etc.
For us, we felt the need to share about miscarriage with family and friends in an open way to acknowledge our baby's life and the fact that she was here for a short while but very loved and wanted. It was sort of like having a wake. We also had a strong sense after both MCs that they were girls, so we named each of our daughters and sent out announcements to our very closest friends and relatives. We saved one of each and plan to have them matted and framed along with any other birth announcements we send out for our children. After our first MC DH and I also celebrated Mother's Day and Father's Day for each other. As far as DH and I were concerned, we were parents as soon as we got pregnant the first time around and this current pregnancy is our third child, not our first.
Hugs to you.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I'm so sorry.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
I'm sorry for your loss.
pomelo / 5791 posts
I'm so, so sorry. I feel exactly the same way.
I'm not sure if you've seen my other posts recently, but I had a d&e on June 5th....and bled for the next 7 weeks, until I ended up passing the remaining tissue naturally only last week.
While it's been physically hard, all the time I was unable to process the emotional pain. Now, I just feel nothing. I literally feel dead inside a lot of the time.
It's been almost 2 months for me, and I still feel exactly the same as I did the day I found out. And like you, I don't think I will feel better until I know there is a healthy baby inside me. We are waiting until the next cycle to start trying again, but I don't want to wait. At the same time, I'm terrified to try again. It's an awful cycle in my head.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can only hope that with time, we will feel better and be able to move on.
apricot / 287 posts
I completely understand, hugs! I'm going through the same feelings, although my mc was in March, I'm struggling more now and with each passing month that I'm not pregnant again. I'm so sorry you are going through this, you aren't alone.
kiwi / 575 posts
Big hugs. Keep in mind that your loss didn't happen too long ago. I carried sadness for a very long time, even after I got pregnant. I still think about my loss - but only on the day that he/she would've been born, August 30. The sadness will eventually fade.
Also, remember that your hormones are probably still out of wack! Give yourself time and know you're not alone Big hugs....
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you feel comfortable writing about that here, though because I have always felt writing or talking about things like this DO help, even if it's just a teeny, tiny bit.
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
I'm so very sorry.
pear / 1837 posts
So sorry for your loss. The sadness (for me) lessened with time... but it was more like months, not days or weeks.
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I agree with everything @gingerbebe: said.
I miscarried in early June and the day after I started bleeding I went out and bought a beautiful little box to make a baby memory box. I put my ultrasound picture in it, my pregnancy test, a few other reminders of my pregnancy. I keep it on a shelf in the living room and every time I glance at it I feel very connected to the baby.
I also found telling family and friends helped a lot. I didn't care for sympathy, but I got a lot of peace from people acknowledging my baby's life, no matter how short it was. DH strongly disagreed with me on this but agreed to tell his family a few weeks later, because of how upset I was that his family would never even know our baby had existed. If talking about it helps you, it might be good to share how you're feeling.
We will celebrate its due date every year.
We already have a daughter so have been very, very blessed in the way that she has helped our healing a lot. But this miscarriage was still very difficult and I felt like a part of me was missing for a long time. I still think about it most of the time, almost eight weeks on.
I understand you wanting to be pregnant again straight away, I really do. I did heed my doctor's advice about waiting one cycle though because if I miscarry again, I don't want the guilt of wondering whether the cause was getting pregnant again before my body was ready.
Take care of yourself, I hope things get easier for you soon
pomelo / 5129 posts
@drea101: Is there anyone in your life (besides your DF) that you can talk to? A family member or friend who's been through it?
That's what helped me the most. My SIL was amazing and a friend had a MC a few weeks before me. It helped to have someone who could tell me everything I was feeling was normal and ok.
To tell the truth (at least for me), the sadness doesn't go away. It just becomes part of my new normal.
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
It took me quite a few months to start feeling "normal" again. This is totally okay! Take whatever time you need to cope and cry or do whatever you feel like doing. I understand that feeling of not feeling whole again until you're pregnant. But you need to take care of yourself and your body to prepare it and it be the best it can be to nurture your to-be baby!
pomegranate / 3658 posts
So sorry for your loss, and that you are going through this sad time. I just wanted to chime in that there are a lot of different ways to grieve and whatever works for you is best for you. I felt very similar to you after my miscarriage and we actually did jump right back into TTC, and that was perfect for me mentally and emotionally. Some people find a lot of comfort in memorializing the baby and taking steps like you would if it had been born, as other commenters have said, but that just wasn't the right way for us. It may be different for you too, and that's absolutely okay.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
@PawPrints: Sorry, I wasn't trying to imply that there is one way to grieve a miscarriage. My apologies if my comments came off that way. I guess I should have clarified that I feel in miscarriages we are grieving two different things simultaneously - the loss of a child and the loss of a hoped for pregnancy/parenting experience. Thus, while I feel that TTC and getting pregnant again may help with the second situation, I don't know how much it helps with regards to the first since getting pregnant again doesn't replace that child.
pomegranate / 3658 posts
@gingerbebe: For me, when I miscarried, I researched a lot about early first-trimester miscarriages, and learned that in most cases when you lose the pregnancy so early (I was only six weeks), the miscarriage occurred because the embryo had some serious issue that meant it never would have been viable. So my grieving process did not focus on the loss of a specific child. It sounded to me like Drea101 may be going through a pretty similar grieving process to the one I went through, so I just wanted to show support and that it's okay to feel that way. I understand not everyone feels that way of course, which is why different grieving processes are appropriate for different people. I appreciate the clarification - and, I am sorry for your loss.
eggplant / 11408 posts
I am so, so sorry. I had two losses last year, and it was so, so hard. I'm glad you're here- this community was so invaluable to me while I grieved. I agree about finding ways to commemorate your babies. We named ours, and I also found a support group through the hospital for couples who had miscarried. Take your time (even though it suuuuuuuucks to be waiting), and know that we are here for you!
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
I'm so sorry It took me a very long time to feel okay again. We started trying again after one cycle and that helped a bit because I felt like I was doing something instead of just waiting around (even if I didn't really have much control over any of it). My miscarriage was 2 years ago last week and I still think about it a lot. I've since gotten pregnant again and had a beautiful baby boy, but the sadness sometimes creeps in again every once in a while. Honestly, time helped more than anything else. Also, we named our baby and I ended up getting a tattoo so I had something physical to remember her by (I know lots of people get remembrance jewelry).
pomegranate / 3533 posts
@drea101: Don't feel bad about being torn up about this so soon after your loss. Everyone copes differently...some of us through rationalization, some of us by further acknowledging the reality that we were pregnant, and some of us through raw grief. Do you think that seeing a counsellor or therapist would help? Try to give yourself and your body time to get ready to be pregnant again. I know how hard this can be. Sending lots of thoughts of healing your way!
pomelo / 5791 posts
@drea101: How are you feeling?