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In affluent areas it’s not uncommon. There are benefits to having your child in a day care or preschool setting, especially if he/she isn’t normally around other kids for extended periods of time. Au pairs and nannies are common too. For a while when I was younger, my mom didn’t work, we had an au pair, and 2 of the 3 of us were in school.
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Hmm, where I am it's not uncommon for SAHMs to send LOs to preschool for a few days a week or have a nanny. If you need a break and it's not a huge financial strain for you guys, I think go for it and don't worry about other people's judgment. Easier said than done, I know! But... people are always going to judge each other's parenting choices so I guess the best thing is to accept it when your child is young, lol.
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A few SAHMs I know send their kids to pre-school p/t, I don't see that as sending to daycare full-time though! I'd do the same if I was a SAHM!
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i've heard of SAHMs who send their kids to PT daycare/preschool, and in a few instances FT (usually they are wealthy).
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I have a few SAHM friends and most do not send their kids to daycare, but I think as their kiddos hit 3, many will start pre-school programs (most of them are half days).
I think if people can afford it; why not? That dynamic wouldn't work for my family, but if it works for them, great!
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I worked at day camp for 3-5 year olds when I was in HS. Some of the kids that attended at SAHPs . I don't think it's all that weird to SAH and pay for daycare or camp- glorified summer daycare. Daycare helps kids socialize, supplements arts & crafts and provides other activities & learning experiences the SAHPs may not be equipped oor interested in doing. Besides I see SAH as also being the house manager/ keeper of the house, which is a big job too. Activities that don't require the parent to be present let's them dedicate focused time on the house.
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I see that a lot of the responses mention preschool or 3+ programs, but how would you guys feel about putting your baby under 1 in daycare if you were SAH? That was the part I hadn't heard of before...
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@spaniellove: in your situation and I was a SAHM, I would totally find help to give myself a break a couple times a week.
There are plenty of SAHM in our day care that kids go part time. Everyone needs a break. I also think day care is great for kids: socialization, meeting milestones, fun, learning, new activities, etc. So I say go for it!
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@spaniellove: I agree that your circumstances are kind of different, since your LO has so many extra challenges. 1-2 days a week for socialization and to give you a break seems like a great idea!
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I would absolutely do this if I could and I was a sahm. Otherwise I think I'd go crazy. By Id wait until the winter was over (it's almost over right?) because of the sickness factor. LO is constantly sick just by going to two classes a week.
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@spaniellove: I still think it's totally ok. Your situation is not the same as everyone else's. You have a LOT on your plate. Special needs, sensory issues...don't compare yourself to what everyone else does and don't worry if it's "normal" or "accepted" or judged. Do what's right for you and your LO. If daycare will help you and him out, do it!
I definitely don't think it's a big deal. Are you worried people will think you're a bad mom over that? If so, fuck them! They don't know what's going on in your life. And honestly, nobody *needs* to know. They don't know if you work from home part time or do charity work or God knows what.
Do you.
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@spaniellove: I think it depends on the situation and everyone's is different. I had a full year off for my mat leave and for the second 6 months I had part time babysitters a few times a week because I needed to work on my dissertation.....and half the time I ended up using the time they were there as a "me" break and to get other things done! Given your son has special needs, I would say it is vital for you to have extra help, You should not be doing everything by yourself. The daycare idea will be positive for J as well because it could help get him used to a new environment and routine and he will benefit by having a mom who has had time to rejuvenate herself...you both win in multiple ways!
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I am staying at home for a year. DS was a colicky reflux baby and his screaming and fits were so intense I had a PPA/PPD/sleep deprivation meltdown at around 2.5 months. He got a lot better at around 12-13 weeks but my DH and I were concerned about my well-being so we started getting help 3 days a week in January after the holidays. DS is almost 6 months now and I so appreciate the ability to run and get the groceries and take a break and get a nap in. I'm borderline solo parenting the other 4 days bc DH works so much even when he's at home and I'm the one who stays up with DS if he has a rough night so it's been a lifesaver. I say if it's something you can swing, go for it for your sanity. I was a mommy's helper years ago and before I did that I thought it was a bougie rich lady thing until I realized how much work it was to SAH.
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My sister is a SAHM and puts her kids in daycare 2-3 times a week starting around 18 months. It's good for socialization.
I work part time but have to pay for daycare full time. Every now and then I'll send DD on my days off, so that I can have a little break or get something done.
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I think preschool is beneficial for socialization. There isn't much socialization benefit before age 3. But it could be nice to have a break, *if* it's something you want!
Also it sounds like that therapist was not appropriate. So many people seem to think, "well I parent this way, so you should too." But do what feels right for your family!
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My daughter goes to a "Mommy's Day Out" program for part-time daycare. I think they are more of a Southern thing, so I don't know if they have them in your area. It a church preschool and they have a baby class that starts at 6 months. Because they follow a preschool schedule, it's not the best option for those who need full-time daycare. The moms of LO's classmates are a mix of part-time/flexible working moms like me, SAHMs and a couple full-time working moms who have other childcare to supplement. (All the dads have traditional jobs as far as I know.)
All that to say, there ARE SAHMs in my area who send their babies once or twice per week. Honestly, if I stayed home and we could afford it, I totally would, too. I think they benefit from the socialization/stimulation of a group environment from a young age, not to mention the "me" time is valuable when you are parenting 24/7.
I used to babysit for a little boy with some mild delays and he went to a program for toddlers with special needs that was basically respite care. It was just 2 hours I think twice per week and it was free. Is there anything like that in your area?
EDIT TO ADD: I am only making these suggestions IF you need a break, which I think would be 100% understandable/expected. But if you have happy SAH, I don't think your LO NEEDS to go to any kind of daycare at all!
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When I stayed at home my doctor heavy encouraged me to put my two kids in daycare for 1-2 days a week for 1. A needed break and 2. It's good for kids to socialize. She made it clear though to only do it if we had the funds. We did that and it made a world of difference for everyone. I should add that our daycare is approximately 15-20 mins out of the way.
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Wanted to update about the place I was interested in; they don't do waiting lists apparently. We have to wait until they put together a new class in the fall. That might be good timing since he'll hopefully be walking and ready, and I won't have to worry about how to entertain him indoors in the cold weather! We're going to visit in the next couple weeks to make sure it's a good fit.
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Some of my SAHM friends have their 3.5-4 year olds in daycare/"preschool" part-time, but I don't know any who have younger ones in daycare. Personally, I think if I felt that I really needed a break, I would hire a babysitter or mom's helper as needed. I take DD to multiple activities/events a week for socialization so I don't think that is necessary. I just wouldn't want to commit to a daycare
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