Hellobee Boards

I read this right before bed last night, which was a bad choice. Such a horrible story that reveals so many issues with the US' abysmal support of babies and new families.

This is such a sad story. I feel so incredibly thankful that I was able to stay at home for as long as I wanted with both of my children. I wish every woman had the ability to make that choice.

This is so upsetting. I left my son with family so it was a little easier but still felt unnatural. We could survive on one income but there are a lot of other factors and there's just no way it made sense for me to stay home. A longer leave would have been so nice.

I also worry that sometimes it seems like lower income moms have to go back sooner, and also may not have the best childcare options available, so after reading this story, that's a terrifying thought.

Blah. I read this yesterday... our leave policies in the US suck so bad. And there are so many sketchy daycares out there, its terrifying!!

I read this in an airport a few days ago... such a mistake. Then I read the comments section and lost my faith in humanity. Never read the comments section.

That is heartbreaking. I can't imagine going back to work at 3 months, let alone 6 weeks like a lot of American moms have to. I really hope some positive parental leave changes are coming soon to the U.S.

Ugh. I just can't imagine the heartbreak. I am crying thinking about my baby boy. I think her son was born around the same time as mine. Such a horrendous tragedy.

I hate reading things like this even though it was a truly beautiful article. It send my anxiety into overdrive.

Beyond heartbreaking. Those poor, poor parents and sweet boy. I really hope something changes soon to at least give parents the choice to stay home for just a few months more.

I didn't read the article because I'm trying to avoid getting drawn into the hole of sadness

But I think there are two separate issues:
-Access to affordable, high-quality daycare. (Certainly no one should have to choose daycare that puts their child in danger!)
-Paid maternity leave, which I think has lots of benefits for mother and baby and would be a valuable investment for society but shouldn't be about the physical safety of the child.

I went back to work after 5 months and felt completely comfortable with leaving the baby at her childcare. I could take a long leave (mostly unpaid) because I have a job where employees are valued enough to not want to loose them and we earn enough to sacrifice a bit of income; and we can afford really excellent childcare when we need it. But I know that both a long leave and good quality childcare are not available to everybody in the US, which sucks.

So incredibly sad. I guess I do wonder though, what's the "right" length of leave? When is it "safe" to leave your child?

I too want to express my sadness for mothers that have to return to work when their babies are still so tiny. I am incredibly grateful to live in Canada and be afforded the ability to stay home with my babies. I didn't even leave the house until six weeks post partum with LO and even that was a major struggle! My heart goes out and hope things change in the US sooner rather than later.

This article broke my heart as well. Beyond the obviously tragedy of the story, I thought this was a really great point: "Parental leave reduces infant death, gives us healthier, more well-adjusted adults and helps women stay in the workforce. If we truly valued the 47 percent of the work force who are women, and the value of our families, things would look different. Mothers could go back to work after taking time off to recover physically from birth and bond with their young children. Health care could be available to bridge that return to work so that our children could get their wellness checkups and vaccinations."

Parental leave isn't just nice. It's been shown to be better for society!

@T.H.O.U.: I know. I wrestled with the same thing. I think when a child is old enough to be beyond the risk of SIDS is one answer. LO was older when she started daycare and I loved & trusted her teachers completely. Still, I feel like until she can communicate well enough to tell me what happened to her at school and answer questions, any time she is not in my care I will feel nervous. I SAH now and I get a little nervous with the gym daycare for 50 minutes.

My mom put my brother in part-time daycare for socialization when he was 3 and when she picked him up early she found him hiding in his cubby and ignored by the teachers. When she asked him why he didn't tell her that he didn't like it there, he told her he thought she wanted him to go.

@T.H.O.U.: The research in this article says about 40 weeks and that felt right for me too: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/12/maternity_leave_how_much_time_off_is_healthiest_for_babies_and_mothers_.html

So heartbreaking. I had 4.5 months off and it still felt way too soon. My lo only goes to daycare 2 days a week and it still feels like 2 days too many some weeks.

@buttermilk: Thank you for sharing this!

@catomd00: I understand and agree with your perspective. I removed my original comment and will save that conversation for another place and time.

My husband and I run a small business (under 10 employees) and we offer four months paid maternity leave -- one month before due date and three months after. I used to think that was generous, but not now that I've had my first baby. Even if she weren't fussy/high needs, I don't know that I would have felt comfortable leaving het in someone else's care. Thankfully, I was able to work parttime from home.

I would love to offer our employees six months' leave... Or more. But it's so hard with a small business, where all the positions are critical and hard to fill. Our two sales people are both women of childbearing age. They have 5+ years ecperience selling our products. If we lost both to maternity leave, we'd be out of business.

@T.H.O.U.: Agreed. I got 12 weeks with both kids. With my son (now 3) that was the perfect amount. With my daughter (now 5m) it was too long. She was not an easy baby and I was losing my mind being home with her. Had I not gone back to work when I did, I would have spiraled into PPD. NOT AT ALL saying that PPD is the end of the world, because I know it's not, but PPD can be a slippery slope. So I'm not sure that forcing women to stay out of work for 12 (or 40!) is the right thing, either. I think what's "right" is very subjective. I like that in some countries you get a year to take however you choose. I would have loved to have had the option to go back to work at 8 or 9 weeks, then taken another few weeks off later in the year.

That article was like a punch in the gut. My heart breaks for her and her husband and their sweet boy. I remember the feelings of anxiety and vulnerability as a new parent. No one should be forced into that choice, as the author writes.

For the millionth time, I weep and shake my fists at the US's inhumane lack of parental support, universal healthcare, etc. Shame on us.

So incrediby sad & every parent's worse nightmare. I went back to work today and have to leave LO with my mom tomorrow. I'll be thinking of him all day.