Ugh. This is mostly a vent, but if someone has a magic bullet I haven't tried...
With DS we did Ferber for bedtime. Then we night weaned by switching to bottles at night and making them gradually smaller and using his binky. Once he was night weaned the night wakings stopped.
Fast forward to DD who is ten months old. We sleep trained months ago, so she puts herself to sleep for naps, but not at bedtime. If she's just fussing she will settle herself, but if she's truly crying/screaming she doesn't wind down. Trust me. I let her go for 90 minutes once. She doesn't use a pacifier or suck her thumb. And she's nursing all.night.long. Every two hours. Sometimes more. And woe betide me if I try to put her back in her crib before she's done. At naptime she will go down wide awake with a contented little wiggle and sigh, but not at bedtime or for night wakings. Her sleep has gotten progressively worse over the last three months. Having DH do night wakings isn't an option right now so it's just me. She eats well, she's already walking so it isn't that, she has a consistent nap schedule and bedtime, we use white noise. I'm so tired.