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@bhbee:
I'm glad this helped in bringing peace. I felt very similarly - doctor had initially said he thought the cause of miscarriage might have been an sch - i.e. an otherwise healthy baby couldn't get nutrients because the clot from the sch. I felt horrible at the thought of my baby starving to death. In our case it was also a completely random event that resulted in a genetic makeup incompatible with life, unrelated to our age or anything else... I hope this helps your husband as well.
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Hi ladies how is everyone doing??
@periwinklebee: we are wishing good things for you this week! Lots of sticky dust!
I'm trying to do some soul searching about what we want to do next but I think it will be easier once I finally get af (hopefully by Friday or so). I am so torn between not wanting to do this to myself anymore and not wanting to have it end like this. Which doesn't sound exactly the same as wanting to be pregnant again ... but cd1 might make me feel totally different.
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@bhbee: Thanks
Trying to stay zen about it, but I just find that so, so difficult when it comes to TTC and loss. I'm sorry for the uncertainty of what to do next. I think the end of the cycle does compound it, especially the first cycle post-loss, which is just hard. I hope that AF will come soon and bring some clarity.
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@periwinklebee: Early pregnancy after loss is awful for nerves ... there is no zen only survival! Hoping your travel keeps your mind occupied (at least a little!) and you get some reassuring lines soon.
Life is so funny ... I had been unsure if/when we should try again especially after dh not feeling it last cycle. And I brought it up casually today and he acted like it was totally normal to talk about trying again. So now of course I'm all in again
if we actually get decent timing that is.
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@bhbee: Yeah, whatever it takes to survive with a shred of sanity, I'll settle for considerably less than zen
That's awesome that your husband is back on board. Sending so much good luck next cycle!!!
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@periwinklebee: we'll see if it lasts but I'll take what I can get!
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I still have no idea what we're going to do this cycle. I'm already on day 3 of Femara but really debating on whether or not to BD in my fertile window. The desire to keep going is at an all time low and I just don't know if I have it in me anymore.
We had a really great weekend as a family of 3 and it made me realize that another child may not be what we want. I also held a baby and had not one ounce of baby fever. -
@mrskansas: Could you take the month off as a trial? See how it feels? Maybe you're needing a break and some time off will feel restorative or maybe it'll tell you more about feeling done?
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@knittylady: I think we are just going to do more of a NTNP approach. I don't have any OPKs and don't intend on buying any. Last month my body wasn't ovulating on its own even with a mature follicle so it may not even happen this month.
We'll just BD if we feel like it and see what happens! -
@mrskansas: That's a tough spot to be in and I'm not actually sure what I would do in your situation. I feel similar in that the desire to keep going just isn't there anymore, but since I'm still trying for my first I know we will keep going, even if it means NTNP for a bit. Maybe take a break and don't actively try for a little while and see how you feel?
My plan all along was to hopefully have 2 kids before I'm 35 and I'm 29 now so we don't actually feel too rushed and like I need to get pregnant right away. We don't have any known fertility issues and conceived naturally last year so I'm assuming it will happen eventually.
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@PeaceLily: Yes I think having a mental break from "trying" will be a good thing. I'm tired of OPKs and HPTs and RE appointments so hopefully without all of that I won't be so worn down by the process.
Luckily I have quite a few other things to focus on over the next few weeks so I'm hoping I am able to ignore what my body is doing and just go with the flow. -
@mrskansas:
I was thinking of you this morning. I'm glad to hear that you had a good weekend. TTC is hard and you've gone through so much - if I were you I'd do whatever feels kindest to yourself, whether NTNP or taking time off or continuing to try. I know that sometimes it is hard to know what's best... @PeaceLily: I think you have a great attitude. One of the huge advantages of starting to TTC younger is that you can take your time if it feels right, and no reason to squander that advantage if NTNP seems like a better approach. I'm 34 and really feel like the clock is ticking and like it wouldn't be a good idea for us to take time off even if it felt awful to keep on TTC, ugh...
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Hi all - I just spent some time catching up on everyone's experiences these last few weeks. After we got through my son's due date in early April, I just needed to take a step back from everything related to TTC and pregnancy for a moment. But I have started tracking my cycles more precisely, and we also bd'd a few times in my fertile window, for the first time in many months. I did cry the first time, I won't lie.
So I guess I'm in the TWW. It's hard to manage expectations and keep optimistic. I'm trying to make a list of self-care things I can do over the next few weeks so that I don't obsess.
It took us 6 months to get pregnant the last time, and I'm creeping up on 37, so I really don't expect anything for this cycle. Big
to all of us this week leading up to Mother's Day.
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@periwinklebee: Well hopefully this is it for you and you won't have to worry about TTC for a while!
I think conceiving a baby with a chromosome issue at 28 when I was considered low risk also changed my outlook a bit and age doesn't mean as much to me anymore. I learned the hard way that being under 30 doesn't guarantee a healthy baby.
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@Academicsocialite: Good luck! Our due date was mid-April and for me there was a definite change in how I felt once we passed the due date. I was a mess emotionally for a long time after our termination and didn't really start to feel better until the end of March/early April. I do feel better now knowing that we gave our son the time that belonged to him, if that makes sense.
My acupuncturist thinks that I've had an emotional block in regards to conceiving again these last few months and that I needed to get passed the due date before actually being open to being pregnant again.
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@PeaceLily: Thanks
I think part of calming my nerves is to convince myself that it will be ok either way, which involved thinking through what to do about TTC if it doesn't work out. It made me feel a lot better to put a limit on how many losses we'd be willing to go through without a successful pregnancy or treatable diagnosis, somehow makes the whole process feel more manageable. Hopefully we won't get there, but I need the plan... I agree that there are definitely never guarantees, regardless of how young you are. My concern is about fertility falling off a cliff - I think the consensus is that this tends to happen sometime around 40, but probably different for every woman... @Academicsocialite:
thinking of you.
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How is everyone doing?
I am doing better. I've been watching what I eat and have lost about 5 pounds and feel so much better. I have been afraid to weigh myself but I think I have 10 more to go before I'm back at my pre-TTC weight.
I'm also starting to feel more hopeful for this cycle. I'm definitely keeping my expectations in check but right now it's easier to be hopeful than not. -
@mrskansas: I'm glad you're feeling better! I've been binging out on terrible foods (i.e. delicious foods) after crashing hard off of whole30. I think I'll start MyFitnessPal again as that's the only thing in my life that's ever been sustainable and showed results.
Anyone wanna be friends on there??
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@knittylady: I love MFP! I use it to look up calorie counts and then record everything in a journal. I plan out what I'm going to eat and writing it down helps me stick to it, versus just putting it in my phone where I can easily change things.
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@mrskansas: I'm glad to hear you're feeling better
and that's awesome about losing weight! It's crazy how much TTC and loss can affect your body, before even getting to the viable pregnancy part... @knittylady: How is the break going? I think it is super-smart to give your body plenty of time. Even with just a D&E, I think it took my body a couple of months to be fully recovered (had a lot of random cramping/soreness that didn't completely subside until the third post loss cycle). Not sure if that contributed to our loss last month or if it was one of the zillion other things that can go wrong, but anyways....sending lots of healing thoughts and lots of
for when you jump back in next cycle.
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@periwinklebee: How are you doing? Have you tested again?
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@mrskansas: Yes! Tested this morning and the FRER test line was about as dark as the control, cheapie is getting there. Symptoms seem to be starting as well. I'm relieved that it won't be a repeat of last month - I have this fear of having the exact same loss twice, as then it would be harder to convince myself that it was random bad luck and not some underlying problem.
I feel completely detached emotionally in a way that I wasn't with the previous pregnancies, but honestly I think it's for the best. If it's viable there's plenty of time to be emotionally engaged later, and if not I think I'll be able to handle it a little bit better.
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@periwinklebee: I still have lots of random cramping I'm glad someone else had it too! Ive really had to work to accept that even though I have some signs of normal clearly all is not really normal yet.
And yayyyyyy for good lines! I always test until my frer is darker than the control and then I force myself to stop. It sounds like you are in a perfect place mentally for the situation and I'm so happy for you.
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@bhbee: I feel like it's the kind of thing where 80% of the recovery takes 20% of the time and the final 20% takes what feels like forever... I hope that you're feeling 100% recovered soon!
In another week to two if things are still good at that point I'll probably take one of those weeks indicator tests. They were discontinued end of last year, but I bought some off of ebay back in Jan...
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Yesterday my husband and I were talking about how excited we are for football season to start up again. I looked up the date for the Superbowl next year and I had this odd feeling like that would be the day our 2nd baby will be born.
Obviously this doesn't really mean anything but it did make me realize that I do want to actually try this cycle. My EDD would be right around that time so may as well. -
@mrskansas: I'm glad you got some clarity about trying this month.
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@mrskansas: I love moments of clarity that come when you're not trying to summon them. All kinds of heart emoji's to you.
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I was looking this morning for an obgyn - I have an RE and I've seen a nurse for annuals, but never actually seen a standard obgyn. Much of the information online seemed to be in the form of informational videos, and it was weirdly depressing because these videos are mostly just shots of women cuddling newborns while some facts are read off in the background. Getting to the cuddling newborn stage somehow feels really unattainable at this point, like I can't even imagine being one of the women in those videos...I know it's totally normal feelings but ugh....
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@periwinklebee: I feel that way too. I feel like I am forever destined to be the non-pregnant girl at the RE's office versus the girl with the bump at the OB.
I think it will be more real for you once you see a healthy baby in there and even if it doesn't, that's ok. It took me until my daughter was in my arms for me to really believe I had a baby.
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@mrskansas: Thanks
thinking of you...it can be hard to imagine that the future will be different from the recent past but I am really hopeful for you. pregnancy after loss is weird, I feel like I vacillate between thinking "ugh, how am I going to get through this? just waiting for the other shoe to drop any minute..." and "oh well, whatever, what will be will be and let's just try not to think about it in the meantime"
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@periwinklebee: I have very distinct memories of early on with my second, even though nothing was looking anything but promising, I would see all the pregnant women around and be depressed about how I was never going to be pregnant. I realize that sounds insane since I was pregnant but I think my mind was thinking pregnant with a bump and really happening vs lines on a test. So yeah, it's normal and it will get better!
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@bhbee: yes exactly, loss really drives home just how removed two lines can be from a baby. Thanks for the encouragement, you guys are the best.
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I am feeling sad today. I think nature is telling me to just stop trying to have another baby because it's not going to happen. My body just isn't working as it should and I'm really sick of all the anxiety surrounding TTC.
Rant over.
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@mrskansas: I'm sorry. I think the worst part is when you have expectations about a next step and it doesn't happen as you imagined.
But on the bright side I think with the trigger you should still have a good chance! So at least in 2 days you can take a mental break. Maybe even think about whether you need a longer break if this cycle doesn't work. My answer to that differs a lot based on where I am in the cycle though!Mostly just hugs
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@bhbee: Gosh that mental break cannot come soon enough. I was thinking earlier that I wouldn't trigger and just wait and see what happens, but I think I need to just get it over with so I can move on.
I'm going to try to have low expectations for this cycle and maybe the TWW will be easier. I really believe that this is our last cycle though. I'm pretty content with our family and at least I know we gave it a good run.Thank you for your kind reply though
It's so helpful to have other people that understand.
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@mrskansas: I think you're right to trigger. When I ovulate on like cd20 (which happens fairly regularly) I go insane even without knowing my follicle size!
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@bhbee: Even with triggering tomorrow I think I will be ok. My follicles will probably be around 24 and 22 when I trigger and that seems fairly common. At least I won't have to think about it anymore and drive myself crazy!!
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@mrskansas: exactly! I think you have a solid shot but yeah, 1dpo is like the best day ever.
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@bhbee: yes it's basically a Hawaiian vacation
2 days!!
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@mrskansas:
thinking of you!
I'm glad this helped in bringing peace. I felt very similarly - doctor had initially said he thought the cause of miscarriage might have been an sch - i.e. an otherwise healthy baby couldn't get nutrients because the clot from the sch. I felt horrible at the thought of my baby starving to death. In our case it was also a completely random event that resulted in a genetic makeup incompatible with life, unrelated to our age or anything else... 
if we actually get decent timing that is.
2 days!!
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